asTWISTED byDave

Blargh I am DED.

2009-10-03T01:59:00.003-05:00

Losing a lot. Goodbye. Let K-Net close this, I don't use it anyway. Most of it is forgotten and I may as well let it all die. Move along, nothing else to see here.

The funny bank commercial with the long-haired men.

2009-01-20T21:21:00.003-06:00

I found it! "How can we help you?" LOL

What? I've been wanting to find these for a long time now.

One more to go...

Youtube - Old lady kills a bird on the golf course.

2009-01-20T21:13:00.001-06:00

It's her reaction that makes me lol.

Guy Gets Hit By A Car Horn

2008-09-29T21:05:00.000-05:00

9 second clip!
Many people flee when faced by danger. Some people fight. This guy launches himself into the air and then lands flat on his ass. I'm not saying it's the wrong reaction, it's just different.

Slow Motion Lightening

2008-09-29T19:15:00.000-05:00

Just because. - D.

The Lizard, The koala, and the joint.

2008-09-04T21:43:00.001-05:00

Best joke I've seen in a while, illustrated with photo-shopped pics. [Link]

Discardia | ...let it go...

2008-03-19T12:45:00.001-05:00

[Link] What is it? Discardia is a new holiday. Why do we need a new holiday? Well, not exactly need, not as such, but this is a very good holiday. It doesn't involve obligations or expense or overblown expectations of specialness. It does not require you to interact with people whom you do not wish to interact with. In fact, it doesn't require you to do anything. Okay, that doesn't sound too bad. When is it? The exact days vary. It takes place in the time between the Solstices & Equinoxes and their following new moons. Sometimes it's short and sometimes it's long. Odd. So what is it a celebration of? Nothing. What? Discardia is celebrated by getting rid of stuff and ideas you no longer need. It's about letting go, abdicating from obligation and guilt, being true to the self you are now. Discardia is the time to get rid of things that no longer add value to your life, shed bad habits, let go of emotional baggage and generally lighten your load. I'm beginning to like the sound of this. What else do you do during Discardia? Well, bear in mind that obligation is anti-discardian, so you can do whatever suits you - including celebrating Discardia when it isn't Discardia. However, one thing you might like to consider is the idea of culminating the Discardian season with a particular act of letting go. For example, on the Discardian new moon you might decide that you won't buy anything or bring anything into your home and that you will instead just enjoy the fact that you have enough. Or you might make that your night to be completely selfish, avoid all social commitments and do something you really enjoy, regardless of what anyone else thinks or expects of you. Where did Discardia originate? In the strange mind of Ms. Dinah Sanders on, appropriately enough, another more obligation-ridden holiday: December 25th, 2002. Well, that explains a lot. Quite.

News : )

2008-01-27T20:56:00.000-06:00

I'm engaged to Karen Crystal McKay.

Wow.

We set a date already, August 8 of this year.

Two weeks and two days late.

2008-01-16T07:16:00.000-06:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Things have been going well, as illustrated below;

And this is why;

(Karen McKay - Hi sweety!)

But let's not forget;

(This was moving day, that's Karen, Sagatay and me)

"Roshie"

Once again, happy new year - D.

Will It Blend?

2007-09-22T13:34:00.000-05:00

Will glow sticks blend? [Link] Need a 12 hour lantern, but all you have are some glow sticks and a Blendtec Total Blender? Well look no further MacGyver, that's all you need.

The Funniest Staff Meeting Ever!

2007-09-08T18:25:00.000-05:00

The boss of a Madison Avenue advertising agency called a spontaneous staff meeting in the middle of a particularly stressful week. When everyone gathered, the boss, who understood the benefits of having fun, told the burnt out staff the purpose of the meeting was to have a quick contest. The theme: Viagra advertising slogans.

The only rule was they had to use past ad slogans, originally written for other products that captured the essence of Viagra. Slight variations were acceptable. About seven minutes later, they turned in their suggestions and created a Top Ten List. With all the laughter and camaraderie the rest of the week went very well for everyone!

The Top Ten were:

10. Viagra, whazzzaaap!

9. Viagra, the quicker pecker picker upper.

8. Viagra, like a rock!

7. Viagra, when it absolutely, positively has to be there overnight.

6. Viagra, be all that you can be.

5. Viagra, reach out and touch someone.

4. Viagra, strong enough for a man, made for a woman.

3. Viagra, home of The Whopper!

2. Viagra, we bring good things to life!

And the unanimous number one slogan;

1. This is your pee-pee. This is your pee-pee on drugs.

Now playing: Audioslave - I Am The Highway
via FoxyTunes

Kitchenuhmaykoosib Homecoming 2007

2007-07-30T09:03:00.000-05:00

So I'm taking off from Sioux to Big Trout Lake, one of my other homes and I've been looking forward to it for a couple months now. It's been on my vacation agenda since late last year (mid-December-ish) I don't even have to pay airfare and that's always a plus. - D

[Website] Hmm... If you don't want to click the link; here's what's happening:

Tuesday, July. 31 2007
7:00 AM - BREAKFAST – 9:00 AM
9:30 AM - OPENING CEREMONIES / PRAYERS / ANGLICAN CHURCH
KI CHIEF AND COUNCIL – HOMECOMING COMMITTEE PRESENTATIONS
10:30 AM - BOSHOO CORNER/ GOSPEL SINGING
12:00 PM - LUNCH
1:30 PM - FIELD GAMES – YOUTH / ADULTS
EGG TOSS –YOUTH
BLINDFOLD FEEDING FRENZY – ADULT
FEAR FACTOR CHALLENGE – YOUTH
BALLOON BUSTING COUPLES CHALLENGE EXTREME –ADULTS
MALTESE CHALLENGE RELAY – YOUTH
3:00 PM - MUSIC
4:30 PM - $ PDC BINGO
6:00 PM - CANOE CHALLENGE RACES – ADULTS
HAND PADDLE RACE – 3 / CANOE
TUG OF WAR – 3 / CANOE
GLADIATOR CHALLENGE– 3/CANOE
8:30 PM - DANCING AND JIGGING CONTESTS – 12:00 AM
LOUDEST STOMPER – FANCIEST DANCER

CANTEEN OPEN DAILY FROM 12:00 PM – CLOSING

Wednesday , August. 1 2007
7:00 AM - BREAKFAST – 9:00 AM
9 :30 AM - OPENING PRAYER - CHRISTAIN FELLOWSHIP ASSEMBLY
10:00 AM - BOSHOO CORNER – OPEN TO ANYONE
11:00 AM - SINGING / REGISTRATION FOR POKER TOURNAMENT
12:00 PM - LUNCH @ HC GROUNDS
1:00 PM - YARD SALE
1:30 PM - FIELD GAMES
POP CAN CHALLENGE (blindfolded) ADULT
DIZZY BAT RELAY – ADULT
SLOOSHING RACE – ADULT
40 + DRESS UP CHALLENGE (gangsta’ rapper – best dressed and best dancer)
20-39 GENERATION DAYZ DRESS UP ( 1980’s Wardrobe / best hairstyle )
19-under – EARLY DAYZ – KOOKUM/ DODO WARDROBE ( best dressed )
CANOE CHALLENGE RACES FOR YOUTH / 16 –UNDER
HAND PADDLE RACES – 3/CANOE
TUG OF WAR CHALLENGE – 3/CANOE
4:00 PM - MUSIC
5:00 PM - BINGO
6:00 PM - SUPPER AND SINGING
7:00 PM - TUG OF WAR TOURNAMENT COMMUNITY CHALLENGE-2 teams/community
PRELIMINARY ROUNDS
9:00 PM TO CLOSING – SQUARE DANCING

Thursday , August . 2 2007
7:00 AM - 9:00 AM - BREAKFAST
9:30 AM - OPENING PRAYER – FREEDOM TO WORSHIP CHURCH
10:00 AM - BOOSHOO CORNER / OPEN TO ANYONE
11:00 AM - SINGING – OPEN
11:00 AM - 4:00 PM – TREATY PAYMENTS
12:00 PM - LUNCH
1:00 PM - FLEA MARKET @ HC GROUNDS
2:00 PM – FIELD GAMES
PASS THE FRUIT (random fruits)
BLINDFOLD FEEDING FRENZY
DIZZY BAT RELAY
BALLOON BUSTING ( couples – teams)
MALTESE CHALLENGE RELAY
SPIDER CHALLENGE (eight legged race)
3:00 PM - YOUTH CANOE EVENTS – HAND PADDLE / TUG OF WAR / GLADIATOR CHALLENGE
3:00 PM - FISHING DERBY - until 8:00 PM
4:00 PM - KITCHENUHMAYKOOSIB OSHKUTESUK CHIEF AND COUNCIL BINGO
6:00 PM - TUG OF WAR TOURNAMENT FINALS / Texas Hold'em
8:00 PM - GENERATION DAYZ
40 + 1970’S ( best hair / biggest bellbottoms etc.)
19 – under 1980’S HAIR / PANTS / BEST DRESSED
20 – 39 - BEST DRESSED KOKUM AND DODOS
9:00 PM – SQUARE DANCING - CONTESTS – until closing

Friday, August 3, 2007
7:00AM – BREAKFAST – OPENING PRAYER ANGLICAN
9:00AM – BOOSHOO HOUR
10:00AM – 1:00PM POP CAN DERBY – CAUSEWAY Open to anyone
10:30 AM SCAVENGER HUNT REGISTRATION – 11:00 – 3:00
11:00AM – SINGING
12:00PM LUNCH
1:00PM ROYAL RUMBLE Ladies 1:00 Gentlemen 1:30
2:00PM – CANOE RACE Men 2:30 Women Preliminaries
3:00PM – Balloon busting Couples Challenge Extreme AD
3:30PM – Dizzy Bat Race – youth
4:00PM - Royal Rumble Finals
4:30PM – Canoe Race Finals
5:00PM – Supper
6:00PM - $50,000 Monster Bingo
7:00PM – Raffle
8:00PM Square Dancing
9:00PM Don Burnstick

Saturday August 4th, 2007
Travel Day
Shuttle Service to Sandy Banks for BBQ and swimming will be available pending interest. Sign-up sheet will be available

My Usual Self-Questionnaire.
What's playing? Rammstein - Stein Um Stein
What was the last thing my TV did? Played Star Wars Battlefront 2 for a while. I kicked some ass, as usual.
How am I feeling? Why? Words can't help me here. (I even consulted an encyclopedia) But I know I'm feeling really happy.
Complete this: "The Weather Is..." Partly cloudy. Gonna be warm. It may rain at times while I'm up in Big Trout, but that's okay. Heck, I wish there was a "mosquito density" report of some kind. I still need to purchase bug dope for my trip.
Random Comments: An infinite number of monkeys, on an infinite number of typewriters, will eventually produce the collected works of Shakespeare. This blog is a ten-minute, five-monkey job.
MORE Random Comments: Other people learn things when I drink: Last night a cab driver learned that when I say "I gotta yak" it doesn't mean I have a long-haired buffalo living in my back yard. Get this car over to the side of the road!
Ha.

Gripe sheets

2007-05-21T21:12:00.000-05:00

This is too good to not post:

After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft.
The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor.
Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots.

Problems (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.

By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident. ... Enjoy!

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're for.

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget

Still alive.

2007-04-05T19:49:00.000-05:00

So.. It is April 5 and I haven't posted here since last year. I have been around, but not here.

Still aren't.

Happy Easter Weekend!

Merry Christmas!

2006-12-24T12:56:00.000-06:00

Santa Claus is coming to town!

Block!!!

2006-11-21T07:25:00.000-06:00

I don't really have insomnia, but I am starting to wake up at all hours of the night. Plus it's getting harder to fall asleep and I'm waking up earlier. I'm spending so much time awake in bed, staring at the ceiling or my alarm clock.

Perhaps I should just get out of bed and do stuff, eh?

Eh.

Happy Hump Day

2006-11-15T07:45:00.000-06:00

Short week!

2006-11-14T07:54:00.000-06:00

And I'm covering duties for two people this week... oh well. I'll manage. I have done so in the past and am sure I can do it again.

Oh, snap! Gotta shovel snow too! :(

bad blonde joke...

2006-11-09T21:40:00.000-06:00

Q: What did the blonde say when the docter told her one leg was bigger than the other?

A: Like, Not even!

Well.. that's it for now. Check back in a couple months again. Until then, enjoy the archives.

JOKE: Gorilla on the roof

2006-09-25T07:40:00.000-05:00

As he was quietly watching television at home, a chap hears a sound on the roof of his house and rushes out to investigate. Seeing it was a fair sized gorilla tearing the shingles off his home he promptly calls up the local zoo authorities to inform them one of their animals had escaped. He is reassured that a gorilla recovery unit is on the way and is told to remain calm.

A few minutes later, an old beat up truck, displaying the Gorilla recovery unit logo on its panels, pulls up to the house. The elderly driver proceed to recover from the back of the truck, a chihuaha dog, a pair of handcuffs, a ladder, a baseball bat and a 12 gauge shotgun.

Puzzled on how this lone elderly was to solve the problem of this gorilla who had by now torn half the roof apart, the chap ask him how he will go about doing this.

As he hands him over the .12 gauge shotgun, the zoo employee explains the plan:

- First I'll climb up there with the ladder;

- Then I approach the gorilla and knock him off the roof using the baseball bat;

- As soon as the gorilla hits the ground, the specially trained chihuaha dog will attack its private parts;

- When I get back on the ground, the gorilla will have lowered it's hands to it's groin area to protect itself thus making it easy for me to slip on the handcuffs;

- Then, I lead him to the truck, lock him up and take him back to the zoo...

Amazed at the procedure, the somewhat startled house owner, 'asks why he was handed the 12 gauge shotgun?

"Well... " explains the experienced gorilla retriever, It's just a precaution should thing not go exactly as planned. In the unlikely event that once on the roof the gorilla knocks me off with the baseball bat,

Shoot the dog...

Images for Wednesday

2006-09-06T08:09:00.000-05:00

I just can't be bothered to do linkfests sometimes... I will do more soon.

I genuinely think this is damn funny.

2006-09-05T08:11:00.000-05:00

Sorry...

Lowbrow Moment

2006-09-05T08:07:00.000-05:00

(I steal these, not experience them. But, I may have some empathy for them)
when I moved back into school this year, the first I thing I did was not call up people to have a huge party, or go to bars, or play cards or video games.

no, the first thing I did was enjoy the view out my window by yelling "BOOBIES!" outside it to any girls that I saw, and then enjoying their confused looks as they tried to figure out which window it was coming from.

college- you sure do learn a lot.

Fight Club

2006-09-04T16:14:00.000-05:00

So I've been spending my day in a t-shirt and shorts on my couch. Oh, look at that, time for lunch. Have a good labor day everyone! - Spook.

Sunday Joke: Three Eskimos

2006-09-03T09:34:00.000-05:00

There were these three Eskimos in Alaska, and one time while they were at their local bar, they got to talking about how cold it was outside, and how cold their igloos were. They could agree on everything but whose igloo was the coldest, so they decided to determine who, indeed, had the coldest igloo.

They went to the first Eskimo's igloo, where he said "Watch this!" and poured a cup of water into the air. Well, the water froze in mid-air and fell onto the floor. "Not bad" said the other Eskimos, but each maintained their igloo was colder still.

So they went to the second Eskimo's igloo, and he said "Watch this!" and took a big breath and exhaled, whereupon his breath froze into a big lump and fell to the floor.

"Wow, that's colder than mine!" said the first Eskimo. But the third Eskimo exclaimed his was colder still.

So they ended up at the third Eskimo's igloo. He said "Watch this!" and went into the bedroom, threw back the thick furs, and retrieved one of several small balls of ice there. He took it, put it in a spoon, and held a match under it.

When it heated up enough, it went "FFFAAAARRRRTTT". He won!