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asTWISTED byDave: November 2005
::: Wednesday, November 30, 2005 :::
All my life, I've run into people who say "youse" and for the most part, I've managed to get most of them to stop by way of asking them to look up the word in the dictionary and after they don't find it, they correct themselves accordingly.
However, my most memorable failure was when I was in high school. My boarding parent (Hi Dave L.!) took the time out to attempt to find the word while I was doing my homework at the kitchen table. When he didn't find it, he pushed my Websters English Dictionary back across the table to me and said...
"That's an English dictionary, get a Canadian one."
::: Tuesday, November 29, 2005 :::
If you're a girl, and like movies with explosions, karate and sex, Im gonna have to ask you to check your pants for a penis. Girls and guys like different movies, what's the deal with that? I can make a movie appealing to chicks by throwing in Richard Gere, some sappy shit about somebody dying, alot of making out, crying and profession of undying love and its a hit.
On the other hand, I need a guy movie, throw in some tits, decapitations, Katie Holmes, tits, explosions, tits, a few karate moves and um... tits, and I have the perfect guy blockbuster. Hell, I don't know one chick who liked Godzilla but there's just something so appealing to me about a 70 story lizard attacking new york.
Titanic, a huge hit had both sexes, we both loved it. But if you break it down, its formula is simple.
we have...
Girlfriend stealing - Guy
Making out - Girl
Tits - guy
Somebody dying (Leo, haha!) - girl
A lot of people dying - guy (loved the scene of the guy falling and hitting the smoke stack *donk*)
Emotional turmoil - girl
Ship breaking in half - guy
We're both from the same species, we live in the same world, we even live with each other, but our taste in movies is so different. Now without this turning into a war, could someone please explain it to me? Better yet, if you're a chick, what guy movies did you like? And you fellow guys, what chick flick did you like?
And if you liked Runaway bride, you better check your pants for a vagina. I mean it.
My Usual Self-Questionnaire.
What's playing? Bush - Greedy Fly Band: [Link] | Lyrics: [Link]
What was the last thing my TV did? I just played my second-to-last game of the season on NHL 06. I've still got a perfect record, but then what else would I expect other than that?
How am I feeling? Why? My cold still plagues me, but I'm feeling progressively better as every day passes.
Complete this: "The Weather Is..." Full of snow, we had a snow storm last night and now it looks kinda windy out there. I'd better dress warm.
Random Comments: You're as crazy as my stupid cat who chases and chews her own tail.
::: Monday, November 28, 2005 :::
By Scott Blake [Link] "I started making art with barcodes right before Y2K, inspired by the year 2000 computer bug, and threatening digital apocalypse. Bar Code Jesus was born in Photoshop, by creating mosaics with simple shapes. I first tried circles and then squares. The tile patterns morphed into a cluster of lines, and before I knew it, I was staring at a bunch of bar codes. I assigned the numbers to describe grayscale value and grid coordinates for every pixel. I have since made 30 portraits of cultural icons, as well as traditional paintings, videos, and interactive net art all based on barcodes."
"E=mc2 + beer - work" starts off this satirical article in the BOFH series (don't ask me what BOFH stands for, I don't know) about how being drunk affects how we experience the laws of physics.
[Link]
I'm glad I read this, because it's filarious and made me laugh orange juice out my nose. (sure, that was painful, but provided a good break from rib-splitting laughter) Anyone who reads this will get addicted to BOFH like I did. I'm sorry I waited so long to post this.
::: Friday, November 25, 2005 :::
(Thanks for not suing me, you crazy nutcase Axl.)
Shed a tear 'cause I'm missing you
I'm still alright to smile
Girl, I think about you every day now
Was a time when I wasn't sure
But you set my mind at ease
There is no doubt you're in my heart now
Said woman take it slow
It'll work itself out fine
All we need is just a little patience
Said sugar make it slow
And we'll come together fine
All we need is just a little patience
(inhale) Patience...
Ooh, oh, yeah
Sit here on the stairs
'Cause I'd rather be alone
If I can't have you right now, I'll wait dear
Sometimes, I get so tense
But I can't speed up the time
But you know, love, there's one more thing to consider
Said woman take it slow
Things will be just fine
You and I'll just use a little patience
Said sugar take the time
'Cause the lights are shining bright
You and I've got what it takes to make it
We won't fake it, Oh never break it
'Cause I can't take it
...little patience, mm yeah, ooh yeah,
Need a little patience, yeah
Just a little patience, yeah
Some more pati... (ence, yeah)
I've been walking these streets at night
Just trying to get it right (Need some patience, yeah)
It's hard to see with so many around
You know I don't like being stuck in a crowd (Could use some patience, yeah)
And the streets don't change but maybe the name
I ain't got time for the game
'Cause I need you (Patience, yeah)
Yeah, yeah well I need you
Oh, I need you (Take some patience)
Whoa, I need you (Just a little patience is all we need)
Ooh, this ti-me....
::: Thursday, November 24, 2005 :::
ECSTASY
How you think you act :
Like the beautiful, caring, wonderful person you really are.
How you actually act :
Like a jaw swinging moron. Those revolting sweaty "I love you, man" hugs you inflict upon anyone you meet are just downright disgusting. Put your fucking shirt back on, its a club, not a beach, meathead.
Likelihood of getting laid :
30%. Sex? who gives a shit, It's all about the "vibe".
How you feel in the morning :
That you "coulda" got laid, if you wanted.... yeah right.
WEED
How you think you act :
You're not sure, but you think people could be laughing at you.
How you actually act:
Either a laughing, giggling retard that nobody wants to talk to 'cause they "dont get it", or a paranoid freak that nobody wants to talk to, cause youre being "wierd"
Likelihood of getting laid :
60%. If you spend enough time on the couch, anything can happen.
How you feel in the morning :
Like another joint. And the rest of that pizza.
ALCOHOL
How you think you act :
Like the life of the party. You are sexy, funny and everybody loves you.
How you actually act :
Like the death of the party. Your behavior gets progressively worse as you tell more and more stupid jokes, and more moronic witty commentary. Then I get treated to you telling me over and over about how "close friends" we are to the point where I want to crack my glass on the bar and jam it into the side of your neck. Not only are you stupid, you are sloppy. Everyone recognizes this, except you.
Likelihood of getting laid :
90% Your sexual standards drop dramatically with each consecutive drink. If surrounded by others whose standards are also lowered, then your chances are pretty good - Just make sure you're at least a bit less drunk to that chick you're talking to.
How you feel in the morning :
Who did I insult? Where is my car? I've never felt this bad before. This is absolutely the last time. Fuck, I ruined it with that chick because I acted like an asshole... trust me, you never had a chance anyway.
COCAINE
How you think you behave :
You are smart, irresistible and confident. You're gonna make your mark in the world any day now.
How you actually behave :
Like an annoying know-it-all who would sell his soul for the next line of blow.
Likelihood of getting laid :
80% If the chick next to you is doing it too, and you got the blow.
How you feel in the morning :
Like this will be the last time you ever do coke.
ACID or SHROOMS
How you think you behave :
You are not behaving, but the world around you is putting on a pretty good show.
How you actually behave :
In reality, it is you putting on the show. The rest of the world is behaving the same as ever.
Likelihood of getting laid :
20% Even if you actually manage to get through finding some filthy pig who would even deal with you. You still gotta go through the process of paying attention long enough to strip and get into position, never mind having to deal with the fact that while youre doing the deed, theres a good chance the chick'll turn into a furry animal/the devil/your mother.
How you feel in the morning :
Pretty much wishing you could get to sleep finally.
One day a brunette and a blond lady were walking through the park. All-of-a-sudden, the brunette stops and says "Aw, look at the poor dead birdy."
The blond looks up and says "Where!?"
Linkfest- Basic Rules to be a Blues Musician [Link] 16 multi-part rules for being a soul man.
- Sounds Like Techno [Link] A four-part story about techno music, from its origins in Detroit to the dance floors of Australia. These are Flash movies, enjoy.
- The Bubble Burst [Link] Where are the tv and movie stars of yesteryear? For instance, The Dukes of Hazzard, Bo Duke (John Schneider) is on Smallville, playing papa Kent. Luke Duke (Tom Wopat) is a stage actor in New York. Daisy Duke (Catherine Bach) remained a tv actress until the early nineties, is now a housewife. Over 200 General Lee cars were made during production, 20 still exist in various states of repair.
- Graffiti from Pompeii [Link] Remember that city obliterated by a volcano? Well, there were punks back then too.
- The Dukes of Hazzard Album [Link] Since I gave an update on them, I may as well give some bad history too.
- VIDEO: Aeon Flux Theatrical Trailer [Link] I don't make it to a lot of movies in the theatre, so I don't get to see these as often as others. I can't wait for this movie.
- VIDEO: Underworld: Evolution Theatrical Trailer [Link] I can't wait for this one either. (I just watched it.... YEEEEESSSSSS!!!!!!)
- VIDEO: "What is love?" Music video by a cute and silly woman [Link] Dat's soooo cuuuuute.
- FLASH: Johnny Rocketfingers [Link] Sup?
- Paint By Number [Link] A history on the subject by the Smithsonian Institute of American History.
- Bilateral Thinking Puzzles [Link] Hehehehe, this is funny. These answers make no sense. If you don't get it... or are still trying to. Stop.
- Group Theory in the Bedroom [Link] The title intrigued me to read into it, but was sadly disappointed when it started spewing out a guide to mattress flipping. You didn't even read this part did you? You went looking for "other" group activities for the bedroom like I did, right?
- Spouting Bowls [Link] Half-fill the copper-bronze bowl with water. Then, rub the two handles with your wet hands. At first, nothing happens. After a minute, tiny ripples begin to dance on the surface. Suddenly, water droplets spring from the water's surface. Keep rubbing and you'll see a fountain of droplets jumping from four places in the water.
My Usual Self-Questionnaire.
What's playing? Metallica - Dyer's Eve
What was the last thing my TV did? Still working on my season on NHL 06. I've got a cold, what else am I going to do? Go outside and shovel snow? Nope.
How am I feeling? Why? *SNARL* This cold is still bugging me.
Complete this: "The Weather Is..." Cold. Freakin' cold.
Random Comments: I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian. And when cows, who are also vegetarians, become extinct, guess who we're coming for first?
::: Wednesday, November 23, 2005 :::
(I steal these, not experience them. But, I may have some empathy for them)
Texas Hold 'Em
I was reading an article about 3 big-shot poker players. The writer was in awe; gasping away about them betting $1,000,000 on a single card. One of the players shrugged and drawled: "If nothing is at stake, what's the point?"
Rank amateurs, all of ‘em. An old Royal Air Force buddy described flying Chinese workers back over "The Hump" (the Himalayas) during WWII. Long flight, so they got out the Mah Jonng, but then ran into a problem - they hadn’t been paid yet. A noisy discussion followed, they finally all nodded, and got down to playing quite happily.
Two hours later, one of them stood up and bowed, and stepped out the door.
Oh no, it's only Wednesday. This week seems to be dragging on so long...
Linkfest- The Chronicles of George [Link] "Welcome to the Chronicles of George. This web site is a collection of helpdesk tickets gleaned from the support database of my previous job. I was employed there for twenty months, and during that time I had the misfortune of encountering an individual whom I will call George."
- The Barista Code of Conduct [Link] Riiiiight...
- retroCRUSH presents: THE 50 COOLEST SONG PARTS [Link] "I always get a kick out of cool song parts. The song, and even the artist, may be mediocre, overplayed, or perhaps even awful, but there's that special part that's worth stopping whatever you're doing, telling everyone else around you to shut up, and just enjoy it."
- Cheese.com [Link] Someone told me my homepage is cheesy, so here you go: proof that cheese is good for you.
- Exhibit of Optical Toys [Link] Because I like things that make me go "huh? cool!"
- Top 10 Well-Kept Automotive Secrets [Link] For the perfectionists out there.
- Geekstuff: Top 10 tech news of the past 10 years [Link] By CNet.
- Kung Fu Science [Link] Follow the journey of a physics student (Michelle) as she figures out the physics behind a fist breaking a board of wood.
- Death by Caffeine [Link] I like caffiene as much as the next person, probably even moreso, but this calculator tells me that 384.52 cans of Diet Pepsi-Cola will kill me.
- Formula 1 Steering Wheel [Link] Wow, look at all those buttons... that thing cost $25,000+
- Wikipedia: List of personal names that contain numbers [Link] Thinking of naming your baby "Seven" ? Think again. It's been done, even on Seinfeld.
- Beercoaster Gallery [Link] Wow, this person has a lot of coasters collected. Me? I never use them.
- Eric's History of Perpetual Motion and Free Energy Machines [Link] Looking for free or cheap energy, nope, you won't find it here.
- Vintage photo gallery [Link] By Consumer Reports, so this stuff really is old... and neat.
- Metro Arts and Architecture [Link] Subways need not be boring or dreary! Many operators of metros, subways or underground railways want to attract more passengers with good station design.
- The K9 Kalmer [Link] If you have a barking dog in your life, they're here to help. The K9 Kalmer will stop excessive barking and is completely pain-free.
- Turn Your Head [Link] Want a unique gift? Have the profile of your sillouetted face made into a... "Pirolette"
Joke du Jour
This Zen Buddhist Monk walks up to a hotdog stand and says to
the vendor, "Give me one with everything".
So the vendor makes him a hotdog with everything, hands it to the Buddhist Monk.
The Buddhist gives him a twenty dollar bill, the vendor takes it, puts it in his cash register and shuts the door.
The Buddhist says, "Wait, where's my change?"
The vendor replies, "Change must come from within".
My Usual Self-Questionnaire.
What's playing? Cradle of Filth - Tearing the Veil from Grace.
What was the last thing my TV did? Not much, still working on that season on NHL 06.
How am I feeling? Why? Still have my cold, my cough is not as bad today, but the phlegm and stuffed nose sure are "sticky."
Complete this: "The Weather Is..." Cloudy, getting quite cold as the day goes on.
Random Comments: Can you yell "MOVIE!" in a crowded firestation?
Get yours here: [Link]
::: Tuesday, November 22, 2005 :::
I've been on IM and IRC for many years now... I'm one of the original geeks around this area. I haven't said LOL or BRB out loud in conversation accidentally and I definitely haven't dreamed a dream of a chat room. (okay... maybe once) But, even I run into some acronyms when I'm chatting that stump me. Here you go: [Link]
Here's some of what I usually use:
AFK = Away From the Keyboard
BBL = Be Back Later
BTW = By The Way
FUBAR = Fucked Up Beyond All Repair / Recognition
HB = Hurry Back
IDK = I Dont Know
IMHO = In My Humble Opinion
NM = Never Mind
TMI = Too Much Info.
TTFN = Ta-Ta For Now
TY = Thank You
WB = Welcome Back
YVW = Youre Very Welcome
YW = Youre Welcome
I go into the convenience store and realize I cant find the friggin' milk. You know, I swear to god they put it in the back so I walk around aimlessly looking for it and in hopes somewhere along the way I find my way to the canned food isle and realize I haven't had spam in a while, and fork over my scratch to buy stuff, I really don't even want. Its friggin annoying, we think were so smart and know when something is a good sale, but we don't. I go to buy a pop the other day too, and wouldn't ya know it? all the way in the friggen back of the store, so I'm forced to walk the entire store and fight the urge to by the new ass-flavored jackoff chips, now with more ass-flavoring. It used to be that the impulse items where only at the register, so I really didn't mind. While in line for the register staring at the the tabloids spouting how a man claims to be Mrs. Butterwoths love child used to be the only impulse items I was exposed to. Now, They managed to successfully turn the entire store into an impulse item extravaganza.
The Gap, Randy River, etc. They do the same thing, feeding off society's lack of self control. I go into Randy River to buy a stupid shirt, and lets face it RR got good sale stuff... All the way in the freaking back of the store! SO It gives them a chance for me to look at all the snazzy, new next-season clothes. It also gives the salesgirl who you really have no shot with to flirt with you into buying half the store. Ever notice how the sale rack is a mess of stuff thrown all around while the rest of the store is immaculate? Coincidence? I think not? Ever notice how after the sale, hot sales chick who was touching you and telling you how handsome you are in your new $80.00 potato sack is now miraculously Ms. Professional sales clerk?
But there I go, with my a wrinkled mess of a sales item shirt, my next-season items that I wont wear for a few months AND feeling good about it somehow. After walking away for a couple blocks I realise I'd have preferred when I walked in she instead clubbed me over the head, turned me upside down by my ankles and shook the loot outta my pockets.
Linkfest- The Fat Man Walkin.com [Link] My Name is Steve Vaught. I am a 39 year old, happily married father of two great kids and I have a pretty good life here in Southern California. You would think that I would be happy because of these things, but I am not. I am not happy because I am fat and being fat makes every day unhappy. I am going to walk across the United states from San Diego to NYC to lose weight and regain my life!
- Quiz: What kind of office animal are you? [Link] Without any surprise whatsoever, I got "The Go-getter."
- Video: Car Soccer [Link] Ding-ding!
- Video Gallery: Video Game Ads [Link] Almost all game ads here. You name the platform, this website has it!
- Revenge CD with earplugs [Link] Neighbours driving you nuts? Do the girls next door play their music too loud, does the guy upstairs have noisy floorboards, or has the new family in the street lowered the tone of your neighbourhood by installing horrendous cladding? Give them a taste of their own medicine with any one of 20 ear-splitting sound effect tracks.
- Geekstuff: GUI Gallery [Link] On this website you'll find screenshots of Graphical User Interfaces and operating systems.
- Elevator Safety Tips [Link] In the interest of promoting elevator safety awareness and educating the public about proper elevator riding techniques, this page was created. Read through them carefully before using the elevator again. Remember, preventing elevator accidents is up to you.
- How to Call in Sick When You Just Need a Day Off [Link] Brought to you by WikiHow. Not that I use this, heheh *wink* *wink* Just kidding. No, really.
- Gallery: Famous kids and teens [Link] Six pages of pictures they thought you'd never see.
- The REAL story behind the Dukes of Hazzard [Link] How do you define an American icon? Well, when you have a T.V show, and 2 movies based on the events of your life, that pretty much does it. Jerry Rushing defines the word legend.
- Video: Shark-slaying Octopus [Link] Owned.
- The Visual Front: Posters of the Spanish Civil War [Link] Propaganda posters constitute one of the most poignant documents that remain from the Spanish Civil War. As the remarks of numerous eyewitnesses demonstrate, the posters provided an essential part of the visual landscape in which individuals living the tragedy of the war went about their daily business of survival.
- CitiKitty, Cat Toilet Training Kit [Link] I'd get one if Shorty didn't always try to drink out of the toilet.
- Live Video: baluga cam [Link] Catch a peek into the Arctic Canada habitat at the Vancouver Aquarium Marine Science Centre!
- Camille Allen's Egg Babies [Link] Kinda creepy, but still cute. I'm not sure if I like this?
- Flash: JVCSong by Nizlopi [Link] Nice video, nice song. Relaxing... it put my cat to sleep on my lap.
This joke break brought to you by Dave.
Two blondes, Carol and Sandi, were walking down the street. Carol noticed a compact on the sidewalk and leaned down to pick it up. She opened it, looked in the mirror and said, "Hmmm, this person looks familiar."
Sandi said, "Let me look!" So Carol handed her the compact. Sandi looked in the mirror and said, "DUH, you idiot, it's me!"
- Wont someone please buy my James Nesbitt drawing? [Link] Help save his cute little face from a silent, pixelly grave.
- Flash Game: Domino Pressure [Link] Topple all the dominoes and squash the tomato(s)
- Video: Joe Jennings - Skydiving Reel [Link] Set to the tune of the Red Hot Chili Peppers' Rollercoaster.
- American Monsters [Link] This your one stop guide to all things cryptozoological. You'll find all manner of corporeal fortean phenomenon, with an obvious emphasis on those entities which seem to have a genuine, biological connection to the environments in which they allegedly dwell.
- Christopher Walken 2008 [Link] The Official Homepage of the Walken for President 2008 Campaign!
- Flash: Guitar Shred Show [Link] Mr. Fastfinger reveals the arts and secrets of electric guitar.
- Video: Your mama [Link] "Nobody loves you... like your mama does..."
- Flash Game: Busted [Link] Think there's time to peek down her low-cut shirt? I sure hope so, but I get caught when the ogle-metre is nearly full.
- Audio Atrocities [Link] This is a museum for the study and enjoyment of truly terrible video game voice acting in video games from the very first CD system, the Turbografx until the present day.
- Live Video: Times Square Cam [Link] See what's going on in New York. Wow, even on Sundays this place is busy.
- Pizza Cones [Link] Yuuuummmmmyyyy!! I want one!
- Fedex Furniture! [Link] What do you do when you have no furniture but lots of shipping boxes laying around your otherwise unfurnished apartment? Get creative, of course.
- Fiona Apple [Link] I haven't heard her new album yet, but her old stuff was nice and mellow.
- Video: B-Boy Battles [Link] Break-dancing!
- Video: Mime-away [Link] Kill off those pesky critters!
- Videos: crash test footage [Link] I like to see crashes, that's why I slow down at highway collisions.
- Designer Eyepatches [Link] Arrr! This be good booty for me bad eye!
- Writing Style Guide: Some dos and don'ts [Link] People call me geek, but my mastery of the pen is greater than yours.
My Usual Self-Questionnaire.
What's playing? Collective Soul - Blame
What was the last thing my TV did? I woke up coughing early this morning, so I played another season game on NHL 06. I won, again. And why shouldn't I? It's on easy mode.
How am I feeling? Why? Sick =( I should just stay home, but I feel I can make it to work.
Complete this: "The Weather Is..." Cloudy and warming up today.
Random Comments: There won't be a major Hollywood movie about the life of Kurt Cobain until Courtney Love is too old to play herself in it.
::: Monday, November 21, 2005 :::
Heh-heh... - Spook.
1. Turn the radio on. When the tester goes to turn it off slap his/her hand.
2. Rev the car really high, turn to the tester, and say with an evil look, "buckle up!"
3. Come dressed in a suit. Before the examiner gets in the car, ask him/her to put a piece of saran wrap down so he doesn't dirty the seat.
4. When the examiner tells you to stop, pop the hood clutch and say "oops".
5. Get in the car, look down at the pedals, and say, "now which one is the gas again?"
6. After the examiner gets in the car, pop the hood, and get out and check the oil.
7. Fill your car with beer bottles.
8. The whole time driving, talk about how Aunt Gertrude smells like mothballs.
9. Tell the Registrar that you are taking the remedial test.
10. In the middle of driving, put your arm around the examiner.
11. Swear at everybody on the road.
12. When you stop at a light, start revving the engine while looking back and forth between the person next to you and the light.
13. Beep your horn at everything.
14. Break off your rear-view mirror and then ask the examiner to hold it up.
My Usual Self-Questionnaire.
What's playing? Godhead - Inside You
What was the last thing my TV did? Still playing EA Sports NHL 06, I'm 11 games into the short season on easy mode. I'm getting better, with 11 wins.
How am I feeling? Why? I've got a cold. It's given me a stuffed head and a phlegmmy throat! UGH!
Complete this: "The Weather Is..." Cloudy and wet.
Random Comments: Silence is golden, but duct tape is silver.
::: Sunday, November 20, 2005 :::
It's been a while, but they're back.
- Guide to Balloons and Ballooning [Link] A professional guide to balloon art decorating, twisting and delivery.
- YouTube [Link] Like Flickr, but with videos.
- Gothic Martha Stewart [Link] Um... riiiight.
- Origins of company names [Link] Somethign to kill a few minutes. Have a scroll.
- Tyoogle [Link] News on all things digital.
- The Encyclopedia of Card Shooting! [Link] How to shoot cards with pics and videos to demonstrate.
- Where to Find Free Images and Visuals for My Blog [Link] Just a note to myself that may be helpful to you.
- Talk Digger [Link] Talk Digger is the best solution for any Internet user, blogger or web site owner who want to know who is talking about a blog, a web site or a specific web page. You only have to put an URL, press Dig it!, and Talk Digger will ask to 9 major search engines.
- Video: Tony Royster Jr - Drum Solo [Link] This kid is amazing.
- Cool Bicycles called The Venom Line [Link] I think my favourite one has to be the Specialized Viper. No rear hub!
- How To: Cool Your Home Naturally [Link] I'm not really concerned with this, living in cold, cold Sioux Lookout, but you may be.
- Advice for Future Parents [Link] Good advice.
- flickrTagFight [Link] Fun!
- Roger Ebert's Most Hated Movies [Link] All the movies that didn't get his thumbs up.
- Free Bookmark Managers [Link] I'd like this, but my "Add Bookmark" Dialogue does too good a job with aptly named folders, mind you... I don't have online access to my marks here at home from other places. Oh well.
- Sexed Robots [Link] Go ahead, giggle. I did. Someone built robots whose function is to... um. bump uglies.
- Funny: Hard drive in the freezer [Link] "I tried out the 'freeze the malfunctioning hard drive trick' and it didn’t seem to work out too well..."
My Usual Self-Questionnaire.
What's playing? Blackeyed Susan - None of it Matters
What was the last thing my TV did? Played lots and lots of season games on EA Sports' NHL 06. Yes, I made a player with my name and attributes, but y'know, played hockey well.
How am I feeling? Why? I've been staring at this screen and the TV alternately since I woke up. I'm hungry!
Complete this: "The Weather Is..." I dunno. It's out there, but I don't care, I'm comfortable and cozy, I don't need to concern myself with the weather right now. I'm sure as hell not going out there.
Random Comments: I hate police profiling. It's just wrong. Did you know that they pull over ALL vehicles driving down sidewalks?
::: Friday, November 18, 2005 :::
(I was hoping for Batman... - Spook.)
Your results:
You are Superman| Superman |
| 80% | | Batman |
| 75% | | Hulk |
| 60% | | Robin |
| 58% | | Iron Man |
| 55% | | Catwoman |
| 50% | | Wonder Woman |
| 48% | | Supergirl |
| 48% | | Spider-Man |
| 45% | | Green Lantern |
| 40% | | The Flash |
| 40% |
| You are mild-mannered, good,
strong and you love to help others.
 |
Click here to take the "Which Superhero are you?" quiz...
These pictures by taken by my coworker Bobby B. He's a local photographer here in town.
Lowbrow Moment:
(I steal these, not experience them. But, I may have some empathy for them)
I worked at a petstore for while when I was 15. I did a good job, knew animals pretty well, ended up working in the livestock section. Fish, reptile, birds, small mammals. I lived everything. Except the hampsters. Fricking things would bite anyone, anytime. I bled once a day. I took to wearing leather gloves everytime I had to open the cage. Finally, the last straw. One ran up my arm and bit my damn ear. I threw him in a fishtank in the back that was devoid of fish. Maybe swimming for a while would teach the little fucker a lesson. I remembered him two hours later. Small, lifeless waterlogged carcass on the bottom of the tank. I felt bad. Then I shoved a coathanger up his ass, stuck him in the freezer and made a Hampsterpop. Everybody in the livestock department laughed.
On the menu today: Art!- Steel Robot Sculptures [Link] Two of my coworkers were complaining that their office was too big (yeah right, she was bragging) and needed something in the middle. I think I'll get them one of these!
- The japanese gallery of psychiatric art [Link] It also lists the drug the patient is on. And that's just messed up.
- The Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Writing Contest [Link] Because prose is art too.
- The Eye of Science [Link] Photography in the area of science. Click on "English" near the middle then "Gallery" at the bottom and choose your poison.
- Incredible Hand Art [Link] Painted hands for your viewing amusement.
- NASA Self Portrait [Link] I want one like that!
- Flickr's Explore [Link] Flickr labs have been hard at work creating a way to show you some of the most awesome photos on Flickr. They like to call it interestingness. Explore the gorgeousity by choosing a point in time from the drop-down menu on the right.
- Fractal Animations [Link] AKA stoner eye candy.
- Latrinalia [Link] This is the weirdest link here, it shows bathroom walls with graffiti on them. Hey... is that MY number on that wall? First one to find it gets a free pet iguana!
My Usual Self-Questionnaire.
What's playing? Slaughter - Hold On
What was the last thing my TV did? Watched All That Jazz, a musical. It was recommended to me and surprisingly enough, I like it.
How am I feeling? Why? I'm getting a cold =(
Complete this: "The Weather Is..." It's winter outside. It's about time, too.
Random Comments: A FOOL AND HIS MONEY can throw one hell of a party.
(Thanks for not suing me, Slash & Co.)
Me and a friend decided
To leave our lives behind
Wife, child, credit cards
Get in the car, good-bye
Got stuff packed in the trunk
Pulled the plunger and closed our eyes
Whatever lane, left or right
It'll be the trip of our lives
Be the ball - Life is one big arcade
Be the ball - The aim is to be the game
Be the ball - The nest four minutes are a total surprise
Be the ball - Hell-bent, damn, we learn drive
Through the pits and valleys,
Through the tunnels in the maze
We don't know where we're going
But we got the Stones cranked
As fast as the orbit takes us
Is just how fast we'll play
Around the bumpers and
Down the drain
We're so out there, we feel no pain
Be the ball - Don't you try to set your sights
Be the ball - You'll never get it right
Be the ball - Gonna see the world tonight
Be the ball - Hell-bent, damn, we love to drive
We love to drive
Drive
Be the ball - The last four minutes we quite a ride
Be the ball - It's too late to change our minds
Seen it all - We are so amazingly high
Be the ball - Hell-bent, damnit, we love to drive
::: Thursday, November 17, 2005 :::
See wildlife gather at Pete's Pond in Botswana. Baby baboons scurry in the dust. Wildebeests push and shove to make room at the watering hole. Warthogs wallow in the mud. [Link]
The peak hours are 7 a.m.-Noon and 4-6 p.m. Botswana Time, they're 8 hours ahead of Central time. (7 ahead of Eastern)
Oh, and you'll need RealPlayer.
::: Wednesday, November 16, 2005 :::
A very shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the bar. After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to her and asks, tentatively, "Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?"
She responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs, "No, I won't sleep with you tonight!" Everyone in the bar is now staring at them. Naturally, the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table.
After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles at him and says, "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I'm a graduate student in psychology and I'm studying how people respond to embarrassing situations." To which he responds, at the top of his lungs, "What do you mean $200?"
::: Tuesday, November 15, 2005 :::
For the ladies, of course. Have a good one.
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::: Sunday, November 13, 2005 :::
November 14 - Operating Room Nurse Day
November 15 - Clean Your Refrigerator Day
November 16 - Have a Party with Your Bear Day
November 17 - Take A Hike Day
November 18 - Occult Day
November 19 - Have a Bad Day Day
November 20 - Absurdity Day
And while I'm at it, here's my Horoscope for this week (although I don't know why I still receive this... I keep trying to unsubscribe)
A purchase you might make on a whim will give you a lot of pleasure. You might add variety to your shopping list by trying out new brand names, new shopping centres or spending your money with a little more imagination. A friend feels guilty because they can't pay you for a favour you do for them. You aren't in it for the money. The pleasure comes through being able to help someone and make a difference to their life.
::: Wednesday, November 09, 2005 :::
Here she is: "Shorty"
Her full name is Strawberry Shortcake, but you can't twist my arm hard enough to make me say it.
Yum, lunch was good. I had a toasted bacon & egg sandwich. Too bad I didn't have any rye or whole wheat bread. And for lunchtime entertainment I have a Fraggle Rock DVD playing. I rented it on zip.ca on a whim and I had forgotten how many songs that particular show has. I have disc 1 of season 1 right now. I may get the rest of the discs and seasons if I still like it.
I was a very happy person. My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. There was only one little thing bothering me . . . it was her beautiful younger sister.
My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts, and generally was braless. She would regularly bend down when she was near me, and I always got more than a pleasant view of her private parts. It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else.
One day "little" sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome. She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. Well, I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word. She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me."
I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. When she reached the top she pulled off her panties and threw them down the stairs at me. I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight to the front door. I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car.
Lo and behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping! With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me and said, "We are very happy that you have passed our little test . . we couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family."
And the moral of this story is:
Always keep your condoms in your car!
Good morning. I'm just sitting here eating hot cereal. As you can see:
My Usual Self-Questionnaire.
What's playing? The Dogs D'amour - Saviour
What was the last thing my TV did? Played Metallica's Binge & Purge video while I worked out last night.
How am I feeling? Why? Kinda sluggish. It must be the weather doing this to me. Losing a bit of sleep didn't help either, mind you I've already had a long morning.
Complete this: "The Weather Is..." It's icy outside. Freezing rain
Random Comments: A friend of mine tripped, fell down, hit his head and when he was sitting there he said "ow, my ass"
::: Tuesday, November 08, 2005 :::
(I steal these, not experience them.
But, I may have some empathy for them.)
(And I'm dead set on getting every single
one of you addicted to Lowbrow too.)
#1
Since I've started getting home from work around 7am, I've started watching a lot of morning talk shows. When they do the traffic reports, I'm seeing my apartment in the background a lot more often than I would have imagined. It made me wonder how many times the traffic copters have seen me peeing in the field behind the cel phone tower in front of my apartment. Today I discovered there is a 24hr traffic webcam on a telephone pole at the other end of that field.
#2
Why does every automated rail ticket machine in DC feel the need to spit your ticket onto the floor? I've gotten used to catching Metro farecards in mid-air, and I've just discovered that the Amtrak machines do this, too.
The next time I ride maybe I'll take some markers with me and draw a little "Pthooey" face around the card slot. . .
#3
Driving west on 12th one night, I was crossing a bridge and I looked to my right and noticed that one of the old factories over there has a sign identifying it as the Screw, Nut, and Bolt Co. I almost drove off the bridge.
#4 (Okay, this one is mine)
I fell asleep in my girlfriend's father's recliner one evening several years ago and maintained a boner almost the entire time. Not one of those wussy boners either. It was one of those "test the strength of your briefs and pants" boners. And, I was reclined.
(What's an aboriginal blog without some aboriginal jokes, eh?)
Long, long ago an old Indian chief was about to die, so he called for Geronimo and Falling Rocks, the two bravest warriors in his tribe. The chief instructed each to go out and seek buffalo skins. Whoever returned with the most skins would be chief.
About a month later Geronimo came back with one hundred pelts; sadly, Falling Rocks never returned.
Today as you drive through the West you can see the evidence of love and devotion the tribe had for this brave. At nearly every mile marker there are signs saying. . .
"Watch for Falling Rocks."
My Usual Self-Questionnaire.
What's playing? The Dogs D'amour - Gonna Get it Right
What was the last thing my TV did? Watched "Nirvana" a sci-fi movie with Christopher Lambert in it. Yeah, he's bad in this movie too. At least the movie was pretty good.
How am I feeling? Why? I'm thinking too much again these days. Insomnia is again plaguing me. Someone help!!!
Complete this: "The Weather Is..." Wet. We here in Sioux Lookout are forecasted 15cm of snow and rain, not necessarily in that order nor separate.
Random Comments: A friend of mine tripped, fell down, hit his head and when he was sitting there he said "ow, my ass"
::: Monday, November 07, 2005 :::
Aaaaawwwwww....
November 7 - Cook Something Bold Day
November 8 - Dunce Day
November 9 - Chaos Never Dies Day
November 10 - Forget-Me-Not Day
November 11 - Veteran's Day
November 12
November 13 - World Kindness Day
Okay... since nothing is being celebrated on November 12, I'll just give you this: [Link] November 12 by Wikipedia!
::: Wednesday, November 02, 2005 :::
Yeah, I know I spelled that wrong. Shisno!
My Usual Self-Questionnaire.
What's playing? Cradle of Filth - Babylon A.D.
What was the last thing my TV did? Played some Star Wars Battlefront. Part two was release yesterday. I WANT TO GET IT!!!
How am I feeling? Why? Alright, but my shoulders were cramping up this morning. I wonder why?
Complete this: "The Weather Is..." Rainy.
Random Comments: save santa a trip - be naughty!
I know I'm just cynical, but I'm expecting a day like this. Wish me luck!
