TWISTED NEWS [Link] A hotel with rooms built in the branches of a tree has opened its doors for business in Germany. Guests spend the night in wooden rooms suspended in branches 30-feet above the ground.
Circus Poster Museum [Link] This looks like an almost lost art. The closest thing you see of these are letter-size, photocopied posters that bands put up to promote shows they play.
HAHAHAHAHAHAAHAAA!!!! [Link] I once had a dream like this. I think it was after I watched an episode of "On The Road Again" with that cowboy sounding redneck Wayne Ronstad on CBC about a guy who collect smiley faces.
This is just cool. One of the best experimental animated/live action conceptual films I've ever witnessed. [Link] "What makes Fast Film unique is that all its scenes were taken from 300 different feature films. Director Virgil Widrich captured stills from the 300 movies, and made over 65,000 photocopies of these, then folded them into a variety of shapes and animated them."
An Animated Adventure from Anzovin Studio [Link] Two swashbucklers meet on a deserted island to fight a duel. A comically fast and furious battle ensues, full of vivid swordplay, perilous scrapes,and close shaves. The wordless, balletic action is set to Russian composer Anatolii Lyadov's orchestral miniature \'Baba Yaga (Opus 56).
Heheeee... [Link] This whole thing started one winter when I was getting Glasgows Christmas decorations ready for installation. Another employee and I were having a silly competition to see who could fire a Smartie lid the furthest, and since there were no official rules to the game, I decided that thumping the tube with my fist wasn't enough and a small explosive charge was required....
It makes for some good bedtime stories.[Link] For all those "farted loudly in an elevator" moments you got. It's kind of like lowbrow.com/.org, but PG-13.
A Vast Repository of Toonological Knowledge by Donald D. Markstein [Link] Here at Toonopedia™, we take a very broad view of what constitutes a toon. The basic idea is to cover the entire spectrum of American cartoonery.
Story telling is a living breathing creature. It thrives, grows & adapts in the heart of each new generation of story teller. [Link]These are submissions from varous authors. There's also some good series.
This looks like fun. [Link] A mash up is a "bastard pop" song, where two or more songs are remixed into, around, and generally fucked with until it's a frankenstein of a song. But they're usually pretty good.
This takes you to his Projects Section. There really isn't anything worth looking at except this page. Unless you want to commission him to do one for you. [Eric Grohe Murals and Design]
Mr. Kitty is by two guys (Dave and Shain) and they're artists. It's really not that bad, but the good part is The Evil Dr. 11 in the Comics section. Mr. Kitty International Main Index
You are driven and excited about new things and like to get stuff done (or at least mostly complete). You're not afraid of bigger, more challenging tasks because you know that the worst thing that could happen still isn't really all that bad. You probably have lots of hobbies already, but trying something new can be fun anyway.
Our Potentially Ridiculous Hobby Suggestion For You: Birdwatching Don't rest until you can identify every kind of bird! This skill is not useful at all, but people do it so it must be interesting.
Severe thunderstorm watch for Sioux Lookout - Eastern Lac Seul continued
..Potential for severe thunderstorms will continue into this Evening..
This is an alert to the potential development of severe thunderstorms with large hail and damaging winds.
Monitor weather conditions..Listen for updated statements. If threatening weather approaches take immediate safety precautions.
A very warm and unstable airmass colliding with a strong cold front will produce favourable conditions for severe thunderstorms this this evening. The main threat from these storms will be large hail in Excess of 4 centimetres..Damaging wind gusts in excess of 100 km/h.. Frequent lightning and very heavy rain. Some of these storms may be capable of producing a tornado.
This should be fun to watch! I'm going to get stuff prepared for that possible tornado!
That was some thunder storm last night. The rains were on and off, but were vicious and almost torrential. There was hail a few times and it seemed to know what it was doing, coming every hour on the hour. The first hail storm passed by before 11, the second about midnight and the last around 1. The largest hail stones were a centimetre and a half in thickness, which accounts why it woke me up. It sounded like a crazed man banging against my window, desperately trying to get in.
At least I was planned to show up for work an hour later than usual. I'm still tired. It's going to be a hot day, various forecasts are calling for 33 to 26 degrees and with the humidity and lack of cloud cover, it's going to feel like 35 to 40 degrees at it's worst.
Joke: Bad News
Meeting with my auto-insurance agent, I confessed that I'd been comparing rates on the Internet and had gotten a quote that was 30 percent less than his.
"Tell me, Chris," he responded, "when you have an emergency, who do you want to deal with, a man or a mouse?"
At dawn the telephone rings. "Hello, Senor Humphrey? This is Ernesto the caretaker at your country house."
"Ah yes, Ernesto. What can I do for you? Is there a problem?"
"Um, I am just calling to advise you, sir, that your parrot died"
"My parrot? Dead? The one that won the International competition?"
"Si, that's the one."
"Damn! That's a pity! I spent a small fortune on that bird. What did he die from?"
"From eating rotten meat."
"Rotten meat? Who the hell fed him rotten meat?"
"Nobody senor. He ate the meat of one of the dead horses."
"Dead horse? What dead horse?"
"The thoroughbred, Mr. Lucky. He died from all that work pulling the water cart."
"Are you insane? What water cart?"
"The one we used to put out the fire."
"Good Lord! What fire are you talking about, man?"
"The one at your house! A candle fell and the curtains caught on fire."
"What the.....!!! But there's electricity at the house!!!! What was the candle for?"
"For the funeral."
"WHAT BLOODY FUNERAL?!"
"Your mother's. She showed up one night out of the blue and I thought she was a thief, so I hit her with your new Tiger Woods Nike Driver."
That weekend went by fast. It was nice and all, but I had a cough and a stuffed head to contend with. Not that I didn't enjoy myself. Injuries I suffered late last month have healed and I can finally move freely and fluidly. But now it's so freaking hot, why would I? Y'know? Anyway, it's going to be another hot day. It's already 22 degrees!
Things to keep you occupied at the office while you avoid work !
ONE-POINT DARES
1. Run one lap around the office at top speed
2. Groan out loud in the toilet cubicle (at least one other 'non-player' must be in the toilet at the time).
3. Ignore the first five people who say 'good morning' to you.
4. Phone someone in the office you barely know, leave your name and say, Just called to say I can't talk right now. Bye."
5. To signal the end of a conversation, clamp your hands over your head.
6. When someone hands you a piece of paper, finger it, and whisper huskily, Mmmmmmm, that feels soooooo good!"
7. Leave your zipper open for one hour. If anyone points it out, say, "Sorry, I really prefer it this way".
8. Walk sideways to the photocopier.
9. While riding in a lift, gasp dramatically every time the doors open.
THREE-POINTS DARES
1. Say to your boss, "I like your style" and shoot him with double-barrelled fingers.
2. Babble incoherently at a fellow employee then ask, "Did you get all that, I don't want to have to repeat it".
3. Page yourself over the intercom (do not disguise your voice).
4. Kneel in front of the water cooler and drink directly from the nozzle (there must be a 'non-player' within sight).
5. Shout random numbers while someone is counting.
FIVE POINT DARES
1. At the end of a meeting, suggest that, for once, it would be nice to conclude with the singing of the national anthem - (extra points if you actually launch into it yourself).
2. Walk into a very busy person's office and while they watch you with growing irritation, turn the light switch on/off 10 times.
3. For an hour, refer to everyone you speak to as "Bob".
4. Announce to everyone in a meeting that you "really have to go do a number two".
5. After every sentence, say 'mon' in a really bad Jamaican accent. As in "the report's on your desk, mon". Keep this up for one hour.
6. While an office mate is out, move their chair into the lift.
7. In a meeting or crowded situation, slap your forehead repeatedly and mutter, "Shut up, damn it, all of you just shut up!"
8. At lunchtime, get down on your knees and announce, "As God is my witness, I'll never go hungry again."
9. In a colleague's diary, write in 10am: "See how I look in tights".
10. Carry your keyboard over to your colleague and ask "You wanna trade?"
11. Repeat the following conversation 10 times to the same person: Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now".
12. Come to work in army fatigues and when asked why, say, "I can't talk about it".
13. Posing as a maitre d', call a colleague and tell him he's won a lunch for four at a local restaurant. Let him go.
14. Speak with an accent (French, German, Porky Pig, etc) during a very important conference call.
15. Find the vacuum and start vacuuming around your desk.
16. Hang a two-foot long piece of toilet roll from the back of your pants and act genuinely surprised when someone points it out.
17. Present meeting attendees with a cup of coffee and biscuit, smash each biscuit with your fist.
18. During the course of a meeting, slowly edge your chair towards the door.
19. Arrange toy figures on the table to represent each meeting attendee, move them according to the movements of their real-life counterparts.
And if that wasn't enough for you - here are some examples of insane acts you can use anywhere...
1. At lunchtime, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hairdryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
2. Tell your children over dinner. "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go."
3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
4. Put your rubbish bin on your desk and label it "IN."
5. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over his or her caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
6. In the subject field for all your e-mails, write " FOR SEXUAL FAVOURS".
7. Finish all your sentences with "In accordance with the prophecy."
8. Don't use any punctuation
9. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
10. Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer.
11. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."
12. Sing along at the opera.
13. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.
14. Put mosquito netting around your work area. Play a tape of jungle sounds all day.
15. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.
16. Have your co-workers address you by your wrestling name, Rock Hard.
17. When the money comes out of the ATM, scream "I Won! I Won! 3rd time this week!!!"
18. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot yelling, Run for your lives, they're loose!"
And the final way to keep a healthy level of insanity... Send this to everyone in your address book, even if they sent it to you or have asked you not to send them stuff like this, I dare you!
I got another one of those invites to join an online interest group, this one centered around travel experiences and meeting new people. As such places go, it looks alright, but I haven't looked around and all I've seen so far is the stereotypical "describe yourself and select your interests" page. I'm pretty sure you all know how much I hate those things because it causes me to fit into a profile (I know you're thinking "DUH! it's a profile page" but anyway screw you) and to think about what I will actually select.
Where was I? Oh yeah...
Getting these invites are strange because sometimes one of you (my loyal audience) will grab my email address from my homepage here and invite me to the most ridiculous places. But I confess, some of those places are pretty cool. [EXAMPLES: I'm a member of some clans involving online games I haven't even heard of, I'm an ordained priest of a few online religions and an honorary lesbian(I love women!)] But other than all that, some of these invites will really surprise me. Lately I've been getting invites from a few names I kinda-sorta-maybe remember, like the invite I mentioned above.
Linkfest
TWISTED NEWS: Sleepy burglar arrested [Link] "He was still fast asleep, his haul of stolen goods by his side, when the company's workers arrived In the morning." Hahahahahhaha!
TWISTED NEWS: Man leaps from speeding car in pursuit of a puff [Link] Drunk went out window after cigarette blew away, Ark. police say.
TWISTED NEWS: Cop to suspect: Gotcha, it's your picture, stupid! [Link] Cop makes easiest arrest 3V4R!
Mario Mishaps and Outtakes [Link] [Flash] Silly anim. I like these things.
TWISTED NEWS: Trooper: DUI Suspect Tried to Hit on Me [Link] State Trooper in Maine Says Man Accused of Drunk Driving Tried to Hit on Her.
TWISTED NEWS: Ky. Man Charged With Drunken Horse Riding [Link] I could do that. If I were tied to the horse.
TWISTED NEWS: Pot For Pizza? [Link] Any smokers are thinking "ALRIGHT!" anyone else is thinking "what an idiot"
Dumb Crimes and Criminals [Link] A woman was reporting her car as stolen, and mentioned that there was a car phone in it. The policeman taking the report called the phone and told the guy that answered that he had read the ad in the newspaper and wanted to buy the car. They arranged to meet, and the thief was arrested.
Slang City [Link] I'm getting old and I don't much like people so I need this to understand you yungins.
Grand Theft Auto: Lego City [Link] You read that right. It's big, but it's worth the wait.
Mummification [Link] It's a weird sensation to be learning and grossed out at the same time.
Rapid coloured afterimage [Link] I swear, it's just a coincidence!!! AAAH!!
TWISTED NEWS: Pacman comes to life virtually [Link] Nice, but I'll buy a set when I don't have to sign a contract to wear that stupid white cap and cheesy vest.
Kids' monster drawings made realistic [Link] Now, that's a cool idea.
1000 Bars [Link] My new hero! This guy has posted his travelogue of a journey through 1000 bars in 1 year.
You Are A Dog [Link] Just a very well done dog blog, with a book named after it. Will there ever be an asTWISTED byDave book? Hell no.
A Perfect Circle tour recordings [Link] Finds like this make me stay online!
My Usual Self-Questionnaire. What's playing? Metallica - Creeping Death What was the last thing my TV did?I played Brothers in Arms: Road to Hill 30. My cousin finally released his stranglehold on the game and now I can play it. How am I feeling? Why?Still got a cold :( But otherwise in good spirits and I've been awake since sunrise (On and off, heheh.) Complete this: "The Weather Is..."SUNNY AND HOT! YEAH!!! Random Comments:I'm so hot, I look better with a migraine than you do at your best.
After putting her grandchildren to bed, a grandmother changed into old slacks and a droopy blouse and proceeded to wash her hair. As she heard the children getting more and more rambunctious, her patience grew thin. At last she threw a towel around her head and stormed into their room, putting them back to bed with stern warnings. As she left the room, she heard the three-year-old say with a trembling voice, "Who was THAT?"
Linkfest
Photoshop Contest: Animal Dress Up 6 [Link] Animals in human situations.
pink ladiez tool kit [Link] For the ladies, but probably too butch.
Quick Verbal Tactics Dot Com [Link] Got people skills?
The museum of bad album covers [Link] Special Notice: zonicweb.net accepts no responsibility whatsoever for any nausea, vomiting and/ or retinal damage caused by viewing these album covers.
Gody Cookery [Link] A compilation of medieval recipes from authentic sources adapted for the 21st century kitchen, along with diverse facts on food & feasting in the Middle Ages & Renaissance and other historical culinary items.
The Great and Powerful, the All-knowing, Toaster Oracle [Link] Ask question, click on toaster, choose a bread, make toast, get answer. my answer: Perfection---The Toaster Oracle has blessed you! Your day will be dripping with buttery joys and success in both your personal and professional life. A perfect slice of toast means a perfect slice of life for you today. Eat it up!<
TWISTED FLASH: Pilot announcement [Link] Hey, at least he's on our side.
TWISTED FLASH: Television Addicted [Link] Not as bad as you think.
TWISTED NEWS: Police Recover Swallowed Diamond Ring [Link] Of course it took patience!
My Usual Self-Questionnaire. What's playing? Marilyn Manson - Spade What was the last thing my TV did?I watched Potluck, a High Times movie. It was pretty good. Nice plot about a suitcase full of weed that gets passed around, stolen multiple times, given away multiple times and sold multiple times. One character even took a second look at it, freaked out and turned in the other direction. How am I feeling? Why?Alright, but I've still got my head cold. My throat doesn't hurt as much but I'm still stuffed up. But over-the-counter drugs can help with that. I'm going to work because I don't want to waste sick days. Hmm... how many have I racked up over the years? almost 20 now. That's four weeks I could be sick, with a doctor's note at least. Complete this: "The Weather Is..."Sunny, warm and not too windy :) It's going to be a great day, hitting at least 25 degrees, hotter in the sun. Random Comments:Below is the lyrics to the song I'm listening to:
Marilyn Manson - Spade
the beauty spot was borrowed, now my sweet knife rusts tomorrow I'm a confession that is waiting to be heard
burn your empty rain down on me, whisper your death beat so softly we bend our knees at the altar of my ego
you drained my heart, you made a spade, but there's still traces of me in your veins you drained my heart, and made a spade, there's still traces of me in your veins
all my lilies' mouths are open, like they're beggin' for dope and hopin' But their pedal gently can kick, you won't be back
All the timing that is sorrow of all the faces I've acquired We secure the shadow here, the sun fills face
you drained my heart, and made a spade, but there's still traces of me in your veins you drained my heart, and made a spade, but there's still traces of me in your veins
and we said, till we die and we said, till we die
you drained my heart, and made a spade, but there's still traces of me in your veins you drained my heart, and made a spade, but there's still traces of me in your veins you drained my heart, and made a spade, but there's still traces of me in your veins
When a panel of doctors was asked to vote on adding a new wing to their hospital,
-the Allergists voted to scratch it -and the Dermatologists advised no rash moves. -The Gastroenterologists had a gut feeling about it, -but the Neurologists thought the administration had a lot of nerve, -and the Obstetricians stated they were all laboring under a misconception. -The Ophthalmologists considered the idea short-sighted; -the Pathologists yelled, "Over my dead body!", -while the Pediatricians said, "Grow up! -The Psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness; -the Surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing, -and the Radiologists could see right through it! -The Internists thought it was a bitter pill to swallow; -the Plastic Surgeons said, "This puts a whole new face on the matter". -The Podiatrists thought it was a step forward, -but the Urologists felt the scheme wouldn't hold water. -The Anesthesiologists thought the whole idea was a gas, -and the Cardiologists didn't have the heart to say no. -And in the end, the Proctologists left the decision up to some as**ole, in administration.
TWISTED VID: Showoff [Link] Long distance bike racer shows off before finish line, crashes. Ends up 1st loser.
TWISTED VID: Crazy kid slides face-first, down the rails of an escalator [Link] Kinda cool though.
When Big Hair Ruled the ABA (Part 1) [Link] Yeah... and people think I have a 'fro.
TWISTED NEWS: Changing planet revealed in atlas [Link] No more trees!
TWISTED NEWS: New hack cracks 'secure' Bluetooth devices [Link] That's gotta suck.
TWISTED GAME: You Gotta Hate That Crazy Frog Ringtone!! [Link] Click once to make him jump, then again to fire, click again to reset. Shoot too soon and he will go too high and crash, too late and he will only slide a short distance.
How to Lose Friends and Alienate People With Email - Pt. 1 [Link] Link to Pt. 2 at the bottom of the post.
TWISTED NEWS: Clothing for chickens [Link] Fans were raving! example: "buck buck buck-UUCK!!" And turkeys rumored to be jealous.
My Usual Self-Questionnaire. What's playing? Megadeth - Back in the Day [Lyrics] What was the last thing my TV did?I haven't turned it on in a while. I've been reading in my hammock now that the evenings are kinda warm. How am I feeling? Why?My throat hurts :( I have a head cold. Complete this: "The Weather Is..."Sunny again. I'll be outside with my hammock and book again after work. Random Comments:asTWISTED byDave is just meat to please you. Gorge yourself!
Smiling is infectious; you can catch it like the flu, when someone smiled at me today, I started smiling too. I passed it round the cornerand someone saw my grin when he smiled i realised its worth, a single smile, just like mine could travel round the earth. So, if you feel a smile begin, don't leave it undetected Let's start an epidemic quick, and get the world infected! keep the smile going, by giving it to a friend. Every one needs a smile
Ten Tips for Taming Your Tongue [Link] F#*(%^&* stop F#$^&#$ swearing, you F#$&#$% F@!%.
Merriam-Webster Asks: What's Your Favorite Word (That's Not in the Dictionary)? [Link] 5. cognitive displaysia (n): the feeling you have before you even leave the house that you are going to forget something and not remember it until you're on the highway.
Theme Park Maps [Link] You can sort them alphabetically or by year.
Straight Line Designs: Furniture [Link] Click on Cabinets, Furniture or Projects. That's just weird.
A Gamer's Manifesto [Link] What we gamers would like to see in the future of gaming.
Calltheinternet.org [Link] G'head, give them a call.
Rustycans.com [Link] This website is dedicated to providing information about beer can collecting in general, and about my collection and collecting interests as well.
Worth1000 Contest: Song Titles [Link] Blackeyed Blond and Cats in the Cradle look pretty good.
TWISTED NEWS: Cheese chasers get pwn3d by the hill. [Link] 21 hurt. 3 of them with broken bones. hahah.
TWISTED NEWS: Helicopter lands on Mt. Everest [Link] With video.
TWISTED VID: amazing pair of shots [Link] And they win the game!
Abusing Amazon images [Link] How bored did this guy have to be? ....
THINGS YOU CAN DO WITH ABSOLUTELY NOTHING, WITH VERY LITTLE OR WITH ANOTHER PERSON [Link] Comes with amusement potential ratings.
Pint Lock [Link] If you're over-protective of your ice cream, get this handy lock.
Broken Poem Generator [Link] thru yr pockets just never started past revolving doors, out again
naked in rain where wasn’t supposed to
UPDATE: PostSecret [Link] More secrets on the backs of 4"x6" postcards.
TWISTED NEWS: Ex-FBI No. 2 was 'Deep Throat' [Link] Watergate's most important character comes out of the dark.
Nexius [Link] Nexuiz is a fast-paced, chaotic, and intense multiplayer first person shooter, focused on providing basic, old style deathmatch. The 1.0 release weighs in at 161MB, and includes 17 maps, 28 playable characters, and 10 music tracks.
Happy Bunny GAllery [Link] It's actually a shop, but who cares?
Musings Unleashed [Link] Another one of those "why did I save this link?" websites, but once I started reading, I couldn't stop. It's an online literary magazine. Check it out, it's good.
Gender Anarchy Project [Link] Someone's thesis site on breaking down the barriers for transgenders.
Anti-Hippie Action League [Link] The gallery of hippie horrors!!!
Yodel Course [Link] Just one more handy way to get the bartender's attention.
Dracula Blogged [Link] Bram Stoker's vampire novel, published by its own calendar
Lifecycle of Bloggers [Link] "Having blogged in one form or fashion for the last 6 years or so (not including personal journals that I’ve written in, on paper even, with crayon even, since I was six years old), allow me to personally provide you with a rundown on the lifecycle that I’ve observed from personal bloggers."
Vent Haven: The Ventriloquist Museum [Link] "Nearly all have the harsh make-up, eyes-a-poppin', and mechanical jaws that make them so, well, scary. [The curator] explains that a dummy's exaggerated features were needed so that its facial expressions could be seen by people sitting in the back row of a theater." Ah... no more doll nightmares.
My Usual Self-Questionnaire. What's playing? Rammstein - Morgenstern What was the last thing my TV did?Played Brothers in arms - Road to hill 30. I'm getting close to the end now. Soon I'll start on Full Stectrum Warrior. Finally... How am I feeling? Why?Not sure.... Complete this: "The Weather Is..."Rainy and cloudy. Yesterday was merely cloudy and kinda warm. Random Comments:so simple, you'll cry
One morning a boy got up and was leaving the house with a hand full of chicken wire. His father said, 'Son, where are you going?' The son replied, 'I'm going to catch me some chickens.' The father said, 'Son, you can't catch chickens with chicken wire.' But the son insisted that he knew what he was doing. Later on that day, the son came home with two chickens in his hand. The father thought, 'I guess he knows what he's doing.' The next morning, the son got up and was leaving the house with some duck tape. The father said, 'Son, where are you going?' The son replied, 'I'm going to catch some ducks.' The father yelled, 'You can't catch ducks with duck tape!' The son insisted that he knew what he was doing. Later on that day the son came home with two ducks under each arm. The father thought, 'Shoot, I guess he does know what he's doing!!' The next morning the son got up and was leaving the house with a hand full of pussywillows. The father said, 'Hold up, son, let me put on my shoes!'
JOKE TWO
A man had just moved from his big apartment in NYC, to a big farm way out in the country side. Just days after he moved, he realized he was out of chicken feed, so he went down to the nearest store. (a good 2-hour drive away). 'Can you get me some chicken feed?' the man asked. 'Yup, but ya can't have none unless you can prove to me you actually gots chickens. Don't want no one eatin' it or nothin' an' gettin' sick.' the clerk responded. He argued with her a bit, but finally gave in and took a two hour drive back and forth once again, this time with the chicken. 'Here's my chicken. Now get me the chicken feed.' He got his feed and drove home. The next day he ran out of dog food. Once again, he drove down to the store, foolishly not thinking about bringing his dog. It was the same case. He had to present his dog to the stubborn clerk. He went back home and retrieved his dog, and got his dog food. The next day, he went down to the store again, this time with a shoe box with a lid on it that had a hole in the top. He walked into the store and said to the clerk 'Put your finger in this, take it out, and smell it. 'That smells like... crap!' .. she said with a look of surprise on her face. 'Yup. Need toilet paper.'
(I steal these, not experience them. But, I may have some empathy for them) In my little POS hometown in the high desert of California, the circuit breakers were mounted outside, on the walls of the houses. During the Christmas season, everyone would try out outdo each other with the gaudiness of their Christmas displays. The full-on plastic lighted Santa and reindeer on the rooftop, lights strung around every tree, rafter, and fence in the yard, huge-assed Christmas tree in front of the window with more lights...
My friends and I would make the rounds, creeping up to the circuit box and throwing the main. We blacked out whole streets. Seriously funny stuff... Good times.
An Irishman, a Mexican and a Redneck were doing construction work on the 20th floor of a building. They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, "Corned beef and cabbage! If I get this one more time for lunch, I'm going to jump off this building". The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed: "Burritos again!! If I Get this again for lunch I going to jump off too.!" The Redneck opened his lunch and said: "Bologna again! Man, if I get this again for lunch I'm jumping with you guys!."
The next day the Irishman opens his lunch, sure enough, corned beef and cabbage and jumps off the building. The Mexican opens his lunch, sees his burrito lunch and jumps too. The Redneck opens his lunch, sees the bologna sandwich and joins his co-workers in death.
At the funerals the Irishman's wife is weeping. She says, "If I had known how much he hated corned beef and cabbage I would have never fixed it for him again!" The Mexican's wife is heartbroken, crying and says, "I could have just as easily fixed tacos or enchiladas. I didn't realize he hated burritos so much." Everyone turned to the Redneck's wife. "Hey don't look at me", she says,"He fixes his own lunch!"
My Usual Self-Questionnaire. What's playing? Digitally Imported's Chillout Ambient channel. I like it. So should you. What was the last thing my TV did?Brothers in Arms: Road to Hill 30 was played last on PS2 How am I feeling? Why?Bland. Complete this: "The Weather Is..."Rainy. It's not bad, but still kind of cold out there. Random Comments:"Chinese Checkers" is just another, simpler way to describe the Airport Security at Hong Kong
Yesterday was National Yo-Yo Day June 7 - National Chocolate Ice Cream Day June 8 - Name Your Poison Day June 9 - Donald Duck Day June 10 - Iced Tea Day June 11 - Hug Holiday June 12 - Machine Day
Twisted Gallery
Animals this time - Spook. | | | | Poof. Post over.
My Usual Self-Questionnaire. What's playing? Digitally Imported's Chillout Ambient channel. What was the last thing my TV did?Not much. How am I feeling? Why?Tired. I was awake well past 2:00 a.m. reading a book that I couldn't put down to end the nightmares that I was in the story. I love those kinds of books. Complete this: "The Weather Is..."Sucky. It's cloudy and it's threatening to rain this afternoon. Random Comments:A phone booth is a little place to call home.
(I steal these, not experience them. But, I may have some empathy for them) Standing among a small group of hard drinkers at the bar, I noticed a spider dangling from the ceiling by a strand of its silk. It dropped down slowly right in the center of the circle of people at the bar and stopped right at eye level.
I sucked it out of the air with a quick intake of breath and washed it down with a swig of Rolling Rock.
Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true? A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.
Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables? A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable slop.
Q: Is beer or wine bad for me? A: Look, it goes to the earlier point about fruits and vegetables. As we all know, scientists divide everything in the world into three categories: animal, mineral, and vegetable. We all know that beer and wine are not animal, and they are not on the periodic table of elements, so that only leaves one thing, right? My advice: Have a burger and a beer and enjoy your liquid vegetables.
Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio? A: Well, if you have a body, and you have body fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.
Q: At the gym, a guy asked me to "spot" for him while he did the bench press. What did he mean? A: "Spotting" for someone means you stand over him while he blows air up your shorts. It's an accepted practice at health clubs; though if you find that it becomes the ONLY reason why you're going in, you probably ought to reevaluate your exercise program.
Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program? A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain-No Pain.
Q: If I stop smoking, will I live longer? A: Nope. Smoking is a sign of individual _expression and peace of mind. If you stop, you'll probably stress yourself to death in record time.
Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you? A: You're not listening. Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?
Q: What's the secret to healthy eating? A: Thicker gravy.
Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle? A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach. I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about trying to live a longer and healthier life.
Two bikes worth riding. - But they still need a backrest.
Mean Anims | Yeah, baby.
Some more random stuff. | | | Boom.
Over the months, I've saved lots of pictures in my surfing sessions. It's kind of like impulse buying when I'm in the store. I'll just grab something and think nothing of it. I've got to do something with it all, so I'm going to post them on here. I'll try and group them together in some kind of meaningful way.
My Usual Self-Questionnaire. What's playing? Nothing... What was the last thing my TV did?It's playing The 13th Warrior right now. How am I feeling? Why? Complete this: "The Weather Is..."Brighter than this morning, but the air is still damp and the pools that have collected on the ground are calm and reflect perfectly their surroundings. Random Comments:I live in fantastic reality, unable to process the fantasy that others insist I accept as reality.
A U.S. Navy Admiral was attending a naval conference that included admirals from the U.S., English, Canadian, Australian and French Navies. At a cocktail reception, he found himself standing with a group of half dozen or so officers that included personnel from most of the countries.
Everyone was chatting away in English as they sipped their drinks, but a French admiral suddenly complained that, whereas Europeans learn many languages, Americans learn only English. He then asked: "Why is it that we always have to speak English in these conferences rather than speaking French?"
Without hesitating, the American Admiral replied: Maybe it's because the Brits, Canadians, Aussies, and Americans arranged it so you wouldn't have to speak German."
Not that I believe in such things, but entertaining ideas are what I like to do.
LIBRA (born between 24th September and 23rd October): A stalled personal project is finally gaining steam again, which comes as a tremendous relief. Maybe a job that fell through could be presented to you again. Perhaps a publisher or agent will express renewed interest in some creative work you submitted some time ago. One thing is for sure: things are starting to look up again. Keep a careful eye on your weight, though. You don't need rich food to celebrate.
Linkfest
Frankenstein, a fetish. (The Girls!) [Link] There is a rather large consortium of men and women that have this burning desire to see what certain people would look like if they had been stitched together. It's a strange kink, but for some reason, it seems to work. You'll find a collection of pictures that have been radically altered to give the reader a general idea of perhaps what this person would look like if they had been fashioned out of collected pieces.
Hire-a-killer.com [Link] Making customers happy one hit at a time for over 50 years.
TWISTED VID: Stunt City [Link] Too cool not to link to.
TWISTED VIDS: Crying while eating. [Link] For some reason, you're allowed to vote for your favourite video.
Why smart people defend bad ideas [Link] Ooohh, that's why they're so stupid.
TWISTED VID: Driver Goes Berzerk [Link] The funny thing is, the guy that got ran over is a rapper (too bad he's alright) and he'll be releasing a song or CD titled "mowed down" lol!!
Sock Master's Game Console Controller Family Tree [Link] Ever wonder why game controllers have all those freaking buttons?
TWISTED GAME: Retronoid [Link] It's a version of Breakout that lets you make, and play your very own custom levels.
Movies on MTV: Set Visit: UnderWorld: Evolution [Link] It looks like it's going to be a good movie. Sure the first movie made vampires as boring as bounty hunters but whatever, just read it.
Things to do before you die [Link] There isn't 100 of them, but there's a link to a similar page at the bottom.
Plot Summary for Underworld: Evolution [Link] I cannot resist doing this, okay?
Underworld 2: Evolution (2005) Photo Gallery [Link] Just in case you missed the photo gallery on the MTV webpage.
The 100 Best Websites (For Guys) [Link] GOLD MINE!!!
The best insult I've ever heard [Link] An old forum post @everything2, but still worth a visit.
List of over 100 things (and growing) to do in Las Vegas [Link] Just making some notes :)
360 Electrical [Link] We've all bene there, charging our cell phones or drying our hair and needing the other electrical outlet that's eclipsed by that humungous plug. It's annoying, frankly. So we decided to do something about it. We made rotating plug receptacles.
Single-Wallpaper, your new flatmate [Link] People do not like living on their own. Still many of them do. Flatmates might get on your nerves... Lovers too. They don't bother scattering bread crumbs all over the place, they leave the kitchen in a big mess and always insist on watching boring TV programs. The single-wallpaper is the complete opposite: it is always friendly and doesn't smoke, it likes watching "Friends" with you for the 100th time without ever complaining, it doesn't leave dirty socks lying around, it never protests against your ideas, and it always looks fresh and attractive ... even when, from time to time, you can't help losing your temper! The single-wallpaper shows attractive, original-sized individuals, in different situations at home. It’s a photographic wallpaper, which is easily removable and very practical!
Famous Last Words [Link] H. G. Wells: "Go away...I'm all right."
TWISTED NEWS: Suntan Oil Helps Calif. Woman Escape Attacker In Park [Link] Heheheh...
TWISTED NEWS: 'Jedi' religion of choice for 20,000 Canadians [Link] Right....
TWISTED NEWS: Pssst! Did you hear what this town did?' [Link] They banned gossiping. How rude.
My Usual Self-Questionnaire. What's playing? Cradle of Filth - Tearing the Veil From Grace. What was the last thing my TV did?Watched Tank Girl IMDB site: [Link] Unofficial WWW home: [Link] How am I feeling? Why?A little better. My bruised hand doesn't hurt so much anymore. Complete this: "The Weather Is..."Dark and rainy. Perfect mood for writing a mystery novel. Random Comments:I'd like to discuss many heavy topics tonight, such as the war on terrorism, the ramifications of metaphysics, spirituality vs. religion, and how the hell they can cram so much graham into golden grahams.
TWISTED QUIZ: What Jedi are you? [Link] Find "Sound off" and click it, fast. My answer: You are Mace Windu. You are a Supreme bad-ass Jedi who resonates with the Force. Yoda is your best mate.
Linkfest
grocerylists.org | The Grocery List Collection [Link] "what's this all about? I found an abandoned grocery list in a St. Louis Schnuck's parking lot in 1996 or 1997. So I decided to keep them every time I came across one. And the internet is a great place to do stupid things. So here it is."
The Gentleman's Page: A Practical Guide to the 19th Century American Man [Link] The Lively Arts History Association presents the Gentleman's Page: a resource for those who wish to look and act like; or perhaps better understand, the 19th Century American man. It is intended to help costumers, theatrical performers, museum docents, reenactors and anyone with an interest in the life of 19th Century America.
Russia Makes it Funny [Link] You have to see it to believe it. Or not.
SexySlumberParty.com! [Link] As seen in The Simpsons.
25 Hottest Urban Legends [Link] I just love making people feel stupid when they pass these stories off as true. Sure, I linked a couple of these things (Liger & Brown Recluse Spider) and I should have removed them after I found out it was all farce, but who has that kind of time? Not me.
Anti-Dolphin.org [Link] Stupid! "The Anti-Dolphin Organization is committed to informing others of the dolphin threat. Humans all around the world must unite to withstand the dolphin's corruptive ways. So we urge you to save our race by knowing the truth. Thank you."
Welcome to the official site of the saddest caveman in the world [Link] WTF Maddox?
Game Wars [Link] A bar graph in millions of game console sales starting with the Atari 2600 all the way to the current quartet of PS2, Xbox, Gamecube and Dreamcast.
Sodoku [Link] "Fill in the grid so that every row, every column, and every 3x3 box contains the digits 1 through 9."
Anagram Hall of Fame [Link] The Hospital Ambulance = A Cab, I Hustle to Help Man
AskMetaFilter answers " Suppose you killed somebody... How would you dispose of the body without getting caught? Would you dump it somewhere? Bury it in the backyard or basement? Dissolve it in lime? What? What would your master plan be that would allow you to get away with it?" [Link] Skeery.
Airplanes of the future [Link] A photo report for your perusal.
TWISTED VID: The Crow and the Cat [Link] One of those "Awwwwww how cute" news stories.
Dishwasher Salmon with Cilantro Sauce [Link] "The Surreal Gourmet" This reciped specifically aimed at a dysfunctional kitchen.
Lost in Translation [Link] What happens when an English phrase is translated (by computer) back and forth between 5 different languages? "As twisted by Dave" becomes ""
Japanese Manhole Cover Art [Link] Those feng shui people need another hobby.
11 steps to a better brain [Link] It doesn't matter how brainy you are or how much education you've had - you can still improve and expand your mind. Boosting your mental faculties doesn't have to mean studying hard or becoming a reclusive book worm. There are lots of tricks, techniques and habits, as well as changes to your lifestyle, diet and behaviour that can help you flex your grey matter and get the best out of your brain cells.
MyBudweiser.com [Link] Free Budweiser E-mail account Get the coolest e-mail identity on the internet; yourname@budweiser.com No thanks, I've already got visiting at mindless dot com
My Usual Self-Questionnaire. What's playing? Frente - Dangerous Sometimes I need a little break from heavy metal too. What was the last thing my TV did?I played a bit of GTA: san andreas. I spent a lot of time in the Four Dragons casino, starting with $20,000 and ending up with over 9 million dollars. I wish that would happen in real life... How am I feeling? Why?Pretty good. I crashed a bit before 9pm last night, slept almost ten hours and arose before 6:30 this morning. I read a book, ate an apple and then went for a bike ride. Complete this: "The Weather Is..."My bike ride was really pleasant. There's a thin cloud cover from last night's light rain and Sioux Lookout smells like a freshly mowed lawn. The only thing that could have made it better was a dip in the lake, but the water is still too cold and I didn't have a towel. Soon, I will make that my morning routine. Random Comments:I come from the Nation of the Imagi. Yeah, that's right, the Imagi Nation. The only nation worth paying allegiance to, incidentally.
I just did a lot to my ATOM feed and submitted it to FeedBurner. Hopefully that gives me a boost in site traffic. I'm back to pinging services again. That pump in hits from the whole Virtual Bartender I and II really gave me a lot of hits, undeserving as it is, but I'm back to 20-something hits a day again. Not bad, but I could do better. Later!
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