My Blog Personality's True Color Is...
Well, the office activites at work were a bust. There were four prizes to be handed out... and four entries. Everyone was a winner, but the cowboy was pretty cool. He tied with the vampire. Anyway, since I haven't posted anything in a little while I'll give you a BIG post, okay? Okay! Let's get started.
Lowbrow Moment (Now please TRY to remember I don't make these up, I'm just STEALING them!)
was just blowing my nose to clean out all the pollen.
i blew it really hard, and something came flying out.it was like a plaster mold, only it was made of snot and was an exact replica of the inside of my nose.
awesome. i wanted to keep it, but that's not gonna happen.
just call me "booger."
Warnings
"Warning: This product can burn eyes." - On a curling iron.
"Not to be used for anything else." - Japanese Food Processor.
"Do not recharge, put in backwards, or use." - On a battery.
"Remember, objects in the mirror are actually behind you." - On a motorcycle helmet-mounted rear-view mirror.
"Warning: has been found to cause cancer in laboratory mice." - On a box of rat poison.
Excerpt from Stanislaw Lem's "Cyberiad"
Everyone knows that dragons don't exist. But while this simplistic formulation may satisfy the layman, it does not suffice for the scientific mind. The School of Higher Neantical Nillity is in fact wholly unconcerned with what does exist. Indeed, the banality of existence has been so amply demonstrated, there is no need for us to discuss it any further here. The brilliant Cerebron, attacking the problem analytically, discovered three distinct kinds of dragon: the mythical, the chimerical, and the purely hypothetical. They were all, one might say, nonexistent, but each nonexisted in an entirely different way ...
Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey
I'd like to see a nature film where an eagle swoops down and pulls a fish out of a lake, and then maybe he's flying along, low to the ground, and the fish pulls a worm out of the ground. Now that's a documentary.
I wish outer space guys would conquer the Earth and make people their pets, because I'd like to have one of those little beds with my name on it.
Sometimes I think you have to march right in and demand your rights, even if you don't know what your rights are, or who the person is you're talking to. Then on the way out, slam the door.
If you're a cowboy and you're dragging a guy behind your horse, I bet it would really make you mad if you looked back and the guy was reading a magazine.
As a young boy, when you get splashed by a mud puddle on the way to school, you wonder if you should go home and change, but be late for school, or go to school the way you are; dirty and soaking wet. Well, while he tried to decide, I drove by and splashed him again.
If your friend is already dead, and being eaten by vultures, I think it's okay to feed some bits of your friend to one of the vultures, to teach him to do some tricks. But only if you're serious about adopting the vulture.
Broken promises don't upset me. I just think, why did they believe me?
I hope that someday we will be able to put away our fears and prejudices and just laugh at people.
If you ever crawl inside an old hollow log and go to sleep, and while you're in there some guys come and seal up both ends and then put it on a truck and take it to another city, boy, I don't know what to tell you.
One thing vampire children have to be taught early on is, don't run with a wooden stake.
If you go to a costume party at your boss's house, wouldn't you think a good costume would be to dress up like the boss's wife? Trust me, it's not.
Linkfest
My Usual Self-Questionnaire.
What's playing? Amorphis - Day of Your Beliefs Lyrics: [Link]
What was the last thing your TV did? Played Blade 2, I've been watching a LOT of horror movies these past few days. I plan to watch a few more today too.
How am I feeling? Why? I'm... I... have to think about that. I'm bored and need something to do.
Website Reco? Gizmodo [Link] The Gadgets Weblog.
Complete this: "The Weather Is..." Clearing up and hanging around freezing temperature.
So, on Sunday night when short, scary and funny characters visit neighbor's doors and scam some free candy... they won't be coming to my door. Oh no, they won't be coming to my door. I live near the tail-end of a street that has a funeral home and few street lights. My area is spooky and then there's the field across the street. Who knows what could be out there, eh?
When I first moved into my current residence, I had fully prepared myself for upwards of a hundred of those little visitors. I got three. Needless to say, I was stuck with various candy until I could give it all away.
Nowadays, I keep a few chocolate bars on hand for the few brave little souls that dare venture as far as my tall, dark, gray building with the Twilight Zone door and the spooky shadow cast by a tree that seems to be waving them over like a predator luring it's next meal.
And if I don't get any little trick or treaters... well then, I'll treat myself to a chocolate bar. Yum.
My Usual Self-Questionnaire.
What's playing? Amorphis - Ethereal Solitude
What was the last thing your TV did? Watched CSI at a friend's place. Then some Oblivious.
How am I feeling? Why? I could use more sleep. Yup, again.
Website Reco? Image host dot org [Link] I plan on utilising this service veerrrrrry soon.
Complete this: "The Weather Is..." Light rain and sunny... Wot da...?
I didn't get enough sleep, so I've been kind of groggy all day so far...
My Usual Self-Questionnaire.
What's playing? Amorphis - Forever More
What was the last thing your TV did? Played a Don Cherry DVD. Rock Em Sock Em Hockey!
What was the last person or thing you complained about or complimented on and what did you say? "Nice idea" to a friend for suggesting a wicked costume idea: Leatherface. I have only until Friday morning work to get it ready cuz that's the only time when I can really wear it. Aside from any contests in the bars.
What was the last thing you threw away? Empty pen at work.
How am I feeling? Why? Doing good, just kind of tired from lack of sleep.
Website Reco? Wazzup [Link] Cool cat.
Complete this: "The Weather Is..." Sunny and cool. There was frost out there this morning. And still dark.
Halloween is almost here (SUNDAY!!) and I've been hearing kids screaming at their parents for "that" costume all month long now. Most of them already had costumes at home, but I guess they were "undecided." Personally, I'm not planning on getting dressed up for Halloween, not even for my office activities on Friday. I'm not even planning on TP-ing or egging any houses or vehicles (an on-&-off tradition since my mid-teens) and I'm also not going to leave any halloween messages on buildings made of cookie dough either. Mostly because I have no clever message this year. But anyway, I have a question for you all, just leave your answers in my comments:
What are you wearing for halloween?
Linkfest:
Just remember...
When you have an "I hate my job" day, try this. On your way home from work, stop at the pharmacy and go to the thermometer section and purchase a rectal thermometer made by Johnson and Johnson. Be very sure you get this brand.
When you get home, lock your doors, draw the curtains, and disconnect the phone so that you will not be disturbed.
Change into very comfortable clothing and lie down on your bed.
Open the package and remove the thermometer. Now, carefully place it on the bedside table so that it will not become chipped or broken. Take out the literature and read it carefully. You will notice that in small print there is this statement: "Every rectal thermometer made by Johnson and Johnson is personally tested."
Now, close your eyes and repeat out loud five times: "I am so glad I do not work for quality control at Johnson and Johnson".
Have a nice day and remember, there is always someone else with a job that is worse than yours!
My Usual Self-Questionnaire.
What's playing? Korn - Deep Inside Lyrics [Link]
What was the last thing your TV did? I watched Van Helsing on DVD [Link] It looks like there's some kind of writing contest on that page.
How am I feeling? Why? Doing okay, I'm getting bugged out though.
Website Reco? SQUIRREL FISHING! [Link] Hmm... cute.
Complete this: "The Weather Is..." Cold. Inhumane towards me.
(Now please TRY to remember I don't make these up, I'm just STEALING them!)
(This one is from a woman)
he asked if I drink
I said yeah with a little shrug
he said good do a shot with me
I said ok as we clincked shot glass with wishes of happy new year and stook the shot.
onlooker says f*&% yeah she drinks she didn't even ask what it was!
and you know what the thought never crossed my mind
RED
It's all about passion, heat, and intensity.
I take pride in my strengths and I learn to deal with my weaknesses. I like to blog about things that really matter to me.
Yeah... right...
My Usual Self-Questionnaire.
What's playing? Jakalope - Pretty Life Band website: [Link]
What was the last thing your TV did? Played The Hulk [Link]
How am I feeling? Why? Doing fine, getting ready to leave for work in a bit.
Complete this: "The Weather Is..." Cloudy.
Michelle: Since you linked about the musical saw - the best saw player is here: Natalia Paruz, musical saw and bells
Thanks Michelle!
Make yourself comfortable, get a drink, use the loo and take care of business before reading all this. It's a big post.
My Usual Self-Questionnaire.
What's playing? Slipknot - Vermillion
What was the last thing your TV did? Still working on that Star Wars Battlefront game. I'm stuck trying to get that bunker on Endor.
How am I feeling? Why? Doing good. It's been a pretty calm week. I feel so... relaxed.
Website Reco? It's a risky life [Link]
Complete this: "The Weather Is..." Rain, rain, rain and did I mention rain? I miss the sun.
(Sorry ladies. - Spook)
A: Obviously your husband cannot get enough of you! Knowing that there is only one of you he can only settle for the next best thing your best friend. Far from being an issue, this can only bring you closer together. Why not get some of your old college roommates involved too? If you are still apprehensive, maybe you should let him be with your friends without you. If you're still not sure then just perform oral sex on him and cook him a nice meal while you think about it.
Q: My husband continually asks me to perform oral sex on him.
A: Do it. Semen can help you lose weight and gives a great glow to your skin. Interestingly, men know this. His offer to allow you to perform oral sex on him is totally selfless. This shows he loves you. The best thing to do is to thank him by performing it twice a day: then cook him a nice meal.
Q: My husband has too many nights out with the boys.
A: This is perfectly natural behaviour and it should be encouraged. The man is a hunter and he needs to prove his prowess with other men. A night out chasing young single girls is great stress relief and can foster a more preaceful and relaxing home. Remember, nothing can rekindle your relationship better than the man being away for a day or two (it's great time to clean the house too!) Just look at how emotional and happy he is when he returns to his stable home. The best thing to do when he returns home is for you and your best friend to perform oral sex on him. Then cook him a nice meal.
Q: My husband doesn't know where my clitoris is.
A: Your clitoris is of no concern to your husband. If you must mess with it do it in your own time or ask your best friend to help. You may wish to videotape yourself while doing this, and present it to your husband as a birthday gift. To ease your selfish guilt, perform oral sex on him and cook him a delicious meal.
Q: My husband is uninterested in foreplay.
A: You are a bad person for bringint it up and should seek sensitivity training. Foreplay to a man is very stressful and time consuming. Sex should be available to your husband on demand with no pesky requests for foreplay. What this means is that you do not love your man as much as you should; He should never have to work to get you in the mood. Stop being so selfish! Perhaps you can make it up to him by performing oral sex on him and cooking him a nice meal.
Q: My husband always has an orgasm then rolls over and goes to sleep without giving me one.
A: I'm not sure I understand the problem. Perhaps you've forgotten to cook him a nice meal.
And now for a commercial break....
Which File Extension are You?
My Usual Self-Questionnaire.
What's playing? Slipknot - The Nameless
What was the last thing your TV did? Played Star Wars Battlefront. [Link] I conquered the galaxy, but the Empire blew up a planet :((( and I also won the clone wars. Both on easy AND medium. Hard is being a mofo though.
What was the last person or thing you complained about or complimented on and what did you say? Hey, you're getting better to my cousin Ryan who was over playing the game with me.
How am I feeling? Why? Tired... I have to leave for work in a minute.
Complete this: "The Weather Is..." Fall.
The moon illusion is one of the most famous of all illusions. Stated simply, the full moon, when just above the horizon, appears much larger than when it is overhead. Yet the moon, a quarter of a million miles away from the earth, always subtends the same angle wherever it is in the sky, roughly 0.5 degrees.
The first problem is for photographers. A wonderful picture presents itself, with the full moon just rising above a spectacular horizon. Click, the picture is taken. Yet the result is disappointing. The moon seems much smaller in the photograph than it did when viewed with the naked eye. Even professional photographers fall for this one. Yet on a normal lens, 50mm on a 35mm camera, the field of view is around 50 degrees, and the width of the moon, subtending an angle of 0.5 degrees, will be 100th of the width of the photo! Many photographs that you see in magazines, containing both a moon and a landscape, will be composites. The landscape will be taken with a normal lens, the moon taken with a telephoto lens, to get a bigger image.
How does this illusion come about? Since the moon always subtends an angle of 0.5 degrees, the image on the retina must always be the same. Clearly the problem is one of interpretation. One simple experiment shows this to be so. A full moon just above the horizon will not appear so large to the human eye if a piece of paper is held up to that eye with a hole in it, so that only the moon can be seen through the hole and not the horizon. If the other eye is open at the same time, viewing both the moon and the horizon, the two eyes will each see different sized moons!
The explanation is believed to be as follows. We 'know' that a cloud that is overhead will be larger than when it moves towards the horizon. And an airplane that is a mere speck on the horizon becomes large when it is overhead. And we are all familiar with standing under a tree which seems enormous, yet at a couple of hundred paces seems insignificant. It would seem that so much of our world is interpreted this way that we are ill-equipped to cope with an object like the moon, that subtends the same angle at the eye, whatever position it occupies in the sky. And so our brain 'interprets' the image that it 'sees', and tells us that the moon is larger than it really is.
Four Lowbrow Moments this time, you're welcome! - Spook
(Now please TRY to remember I don't make these up, I'm just STEALING them!)
My dumb-ass neighbor comes home one day with a load of groceries. He opens his trunk and just stares at the lawn through his wrap-around sunglasses for a while. He starts mubling something about summer, turns to me and shouts, "Look how green the lawn is!"
Just another lesson: Taking acid is fine, as long as you keep your mouth shut.
TWO
When I was a kid and my ears got clogged up with earwax, my mom would have me lie on my side. She would pour some hydrogen peroxide in my ear, let it sit for a little while, then I'd turn back and earwax would come right out onto a little cotton ball she had.
The hydrogen peroxide in my ear was cool...it was like having pop rocks in your brain.
THREE
Whenever I give my car to a mechanic or valet, I put a bidi in the visor.
You see, to the untrained eye, a bidi looks just like a joint. It isn't though, it is a very harsh Indian tobacco, rolled in a tobacco leaf.
Generally, you smoke it more gently than a cigarette. Smoking it like a joint will be unpleasant, if not painful.
About 1/4 of the time, I come back and my bidi is missing. I chuckle and imagine that someone is choking on it at that very moment.
Serves them right for trying to steal my weed.
FOUR
I used to work in a convenience store/gas station/liquor store/bait & tackle shop when I was 16. There was this old bitch who used to come in everyday, buy a quart of milk, all the while bitching that the quart of milk that she had bought the day before had been sour. (Jesus wept...) Anyway, I was in the walk-in, stocking the dairy shelves and I hear her come in. I turn out the light in the walk-in and wait. Bitch reaches her hand in the freezer to get a quart of milk, all the while, complaining about the previous day's milk, when I reach out and grab her wrist. She's screaming and I'm yanking her halfway into the freezer and the milk and yogurt and cottage cheese and shit is flying everywhere. I give her three or four good yanks and then release her. She's yelling and screaming and freaking out at the manager. I exit the freezer and come in through the backdoor and the manager says, "Did you do what she says you did?" I tried to look grave and answered, "Yes. Yes I did." The manager looked at the bitch and said, "We'll handle this, ma'am." She grumped her way out of the store and the manager and I nearly pissed ourselves laughing.
"Go away...I'm alright."
Anyway.... here's a little something I received in e-mail from one of your visitors. If you have anything you'd like to see here, feel free to send it to me or something.
Emergency Kit
Every household should have an emergency anti-depression kit in their medicine cabinet that should always contain:
An Eraser, to make your troubles disappear,
A Penny, so you're never broke,
A Marble, to prove that you didn't loose them all,
A Rubber band, to help you stretch beyond your limits,
A String, to tie things together when everything falls apart,
And hugs and kisses, to remind you that someone cares.
A WOMAN.
* Wine her,* Dine her,* Call her,* Hug her,* Support her,* Hold her,* Surprise her,* Compliment her,* Smile at her,* Listen to her,* Laugh with her,* Cry with her,* Romance her,* Encourage her,* Believe in her, * Pray with her,* Pray for her,* Cuddle with her,* Shop with her,* Give her jewelry,* Buy her flowers,* Hold her hand,* Write love letters to her,* Go to the end of the Earth and back again for her.
A MAN
* Show up naked ... * Bring food ... * Don't block the TV
(Now please TRY to remember I don't make these up, I'm just STEALING them!)
One morning my dad was in a "perfect brain bursting rage" once, the reason is irrelevant. He was storming around in PJs and bare feet.
Suddenly he cursed very creatively. He then bent and pulled something out of the sole of his pale old foot and threw it in a drawer, still cursing, without seeing what it was.
Just a little later, I opened the drawer to see what it was.
A shirt pin: "God Loves You"
Holidays rule! I can sleep in and lay around in bed and on the couch, watch some TV, play some games, go on the internet and listen to music all before even thinking about going outside to do stuff.
1. Tech Support calls "YOU" for help.
2. Someone at work tells you a joke and you say "LOL".
3. You watch TV with the closed captioning turned on.
4. You have called out someone's screen name while making love to your significant other.
5. You keep begging your friends to get an account so "we can hang out".
6. Three words: Carpal Tunnel Syndrome.
7. You've even gotten on an airplane just to meet some folks face-to-face.
8. You have to get a 2d phone line just so you can call Pizza Hut.
9. You go into labor and you stop to type a special e-mail to let everyone know you're going to be away.
10. You have a vanity car tag with your screen name on it.
11. You no longer type with proper capitalization, punctuation, or complete sentences.
12. You have met over 100 AOLers.
13. You begin to say "heh heh heh" instead of laughing.
14. When someone says "What did you say?" you reply "Scroll up!"
15. You find yourself sneaking away to the computer in the middle of the night when your spouse is asleep.
16. You turn down the lights & close the blinds so people won't know you're on-line again.
17. You know more about your AOL friends' daily routines than you do your own spouses.
18. You find yourself lying to others about your time on-line & when they complain that your phone was busy you claim it was off the hook.
19. You have an identity crisis if someone is using a screen name close to your own.
20. You would rather tell people that your bloodshot eyes are from partying too much than the truth (online all night).
21. You change your screen names so much that you have to look at your own profile to see who you are.
22. Your kids are standing at your side saying, "Mommy, please come and cook" dinner and you would rather type another "LOL".
23. You type messages to people while you are on the phone with them at the same time.
24. You won't work at a job that doesn't have a modem involved.
25. Your dog leaves you.
26. You have to ask what year it is.
27. You write a letter like this.. "dear tom, hiyas! how r u doin well I gotta go bbl!"
28. You name your pets after people you talk to.
29. You smile sideways... :-)
30. You sign on & immediately get 10 IMs from people who have you on their buddy list.
31. You look at an annoying person off-line & wish you had your ignore button handy.
32. You bring a bag lunch & a cooler to the computer.
33. Your significant other kisses your neck while you're chatting & you think "uh oh cyber sex perv".
34. You have withdrawals if you are away from the computer for more than a few hours.
35. You use AOL lingo in everyday life (if you still have one he he he).
36. You take a speed reading course to keep up with the scrolling.
37. Your buddy list has over 100 people on it.
38. Your worse comeback to a bully is "I'll slap ya w/a rubber chicken!"
39. You wake up in the morning and the first thing you do is get online before you have your first cup of coffee.
40. You have to inject no-doze into your butt to keep it awake.
41. You have your computer set so it goes directly into AOL's welcome screen.
42. You don't know where the time has gone.
43. You end sentences with 3 (or more) periods while writing letters by hand.
44. You get up at 2am to go to the bathroom but turn on the computer instead.
45. You don't even notice anymore when someone has a typo.
46. You enter a room & 23 people greet you w/((hugs)) or **kisses**.
47. You stop typing whole words and use things like ppl, dunno and lemme.
48. Your voicemail/answering machine message is "BRB, leave your s/n & I will TTYL".
49. You type faster than you think.
50. You got your psychiatrist addicted to AOL too & are now undergoing therapy in private rooms instead of at his office.
51. You want to be buried with your computer when it dies or vice versa.
52. You actually enjoy the fact that you are addicted.
53. You can actually read & follow all the names of the cast that scrolls up your TV screen at the end of a movie.
54. People say, "If it weren't for your super reflexes in your eyes & fingers, you would have been classified as a vegetable!"
55. You dream in "text".
56. Being called a Newbie is a "MAJOR" insult.
57. There is absolutely no interesting chat in any room & you're really bored.
58. You don't want to leave in case you miss something.
59. You double click your TV remote.
60. You can now type over 70wpm.
61. You think about starting a 12-step recovery group for AOL junkies.
62. You are on the phone a minute & need to do something else & say "BRB" or "BBL".
63. You check your Email and forget you have real mail aka snail mail.
64. You go into withdrawals during dinner.
65. You spend at least 30 minutes making sure you say goodbye to everyone in a room.
66. You stop speaking in full sentences.
67. You have gone into an unstaffed Tech Support room & ended up "giving" tech support to other AOLers.
68. You have to be pried from your computer by the "Jaws of Life".
69. You know what a "snert" is.
70. You set your kitchen on fire while cooking dinner because you wanted to check your mail" & while there you "just wanted to see who was online".
My Usual Self-Questionnaire.
What's playing? Sponge - Have You Seen Mary? Lyrics [Link]
What was the last thing your TV did? Played Mortal Kombat: Deception, it was freakin' hilarious.
How am I feeling? Why? Burrrp. Content. Yum.
Website Reco? Yo mama... [Link] Why not, eh?
Complete this: "The Weather Is..." Cloudy. A perfect day to stay inside. But damn, I have a few things to do.
(Now please TRY to remember I don't make these up, I'm just STEALING them!)
Is this what I expected from my life?
Standing out on the porch at night, contemplating the legality of buying an AR-15 with a scope and a laser dot and using it so when the neighbors across the street are watching us, we can watch back in style.
As long as it wasn't loaded, I don't think they can charge me with anything serious.
(Where did I find this? I dunno, but I do know this is sad... - Dave.)
Let us love!!!
Let us share the deepest secrets of our souls!!!
You first.
My Usual Self-Questionnaire.
What's playing? Fear Factory - Invisible Wounds (Dark Bodies) Lyrics: [Link] Band: [Link]
What was the last thing your TV did? I was playing Rainbow Six 3 [Link]
What was the last person or thing you complained about or complimented on and what did you say? Nice shot, to my friend, we were playing multiplayer on Rainbow Six.
What was the last thing you threw away? I dunno...
How am I feeling? Why? Doing good. I'm right in the middle of my vacation, but I could use more rest. I LOOOOVE sleeping in, waking up, and going BACK to sleep... This is great. I'm lovin' it.
Website Reco? eBay item for sale: Hello Kitty Pantiliners [Link] I wonder who the 8 bidders were? And why? Oh God WHY?
Complete this: "The Weather Is..." Getting cold. Indian summer is OVER!
When I was a kid adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious diatribes about how hard things were when they were growing up; what with walking twenty-five miles to school every morning uphill both ways through year 'round blizzards carrying their younger siblings on their backs to their one-room schoolhouse where they maintained a straight-A average despite their full-time after-school job at the local textile mill where they worked for 35 cents an hour just to help keep their family from starving to death!
And I remember promising myself that when I grew up there was no way in hell I was going to lay a bunch of crap like that on kids about how hard I had it and how easy they've got it!
But....
Now that I've reached the ripe old age of twenty-nine, I can't help but look around and notice the youth of today. You've got it so darn easy! I mean, compared to my childhood, you live in a Utopia!
And I hate to say it but you kids today you don't know how good you've got it!
I mean, when I was a kid we didn't have the Internet--we wanted to know something, we had to go to the library and look it up ourselves!
And there was no email! We had to actually write somebody a letter, with a pen, and then you had to walk all the way across the street and put it in the "mailbox". It would take like a week just to get there!
And there were no MP3s or Napsters! You wanted to steal music, you had to go to the record store and shoplift it yourself! Or we had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio and the DJs usually talked over the beginning of the song and screwed it all up!
We didn't have fancy crap like Call Waiting! If you were on the phone and somebody else called they got a busy signal! And we didn't have fancy Caller ID Boxes either! When the phone rang, you had no idea who it was it could be your boss, your mom, a collections agent, your drug dealer, you didn't know!!! You just had to pick it up and take your chances, mister!
And we didn't have any fancy Sony Playstation videogames with high-resolution 3-D graphics! We had the Atari! With games like "Pong" and "Asteroids" and the graphics sucked ass! Your guy was a little square! You had to use your imagination! And there were no multiple levels or screens, it was just one screen forever! And you could never win, the game just kept getting harder and faster until you died!
Just like LIFE!
When you went to the movie theater there no such thing as stadium seating! All the seats were the same height. A tall guy sat in front of you, you were screwed! And sure, we had cable television, but back then that was only like 10 channels and there was no onscreen menu! You had to use a little book called a TV Guide to find out what was on!
And there was no Cartoon Network! You could only get cartoons on Saturday morning, and then only if your dad didn't kick you out of the house (our Dad's lived with us, too -- talk about constant ass kickings and no trying to buy your affection with presents, but I digress). Do you hear what I'm saying!?! We had to wait ALL WEEK for five crummy hours of cartoons, you spoiled little turds!
That's exactly what I'm talking about! You kids today have got it too easy You're spoiled, I swear! You guys wouldn't last five minutes back in...
1984!
(Now please TRY to remember I don't make these up, I'm just STEALING them!)
This past summer, I attended an SAT vocab power class.
"Who knows what the suffix -cide/-cida means?" asked the instructor.
Bored, I raised my hand.
"It has something to do with death."
"Very good, Nikki," she lauded, "Now, can anyone come up with any examples?"
Again, I raised my hand.
"Suicide, homocide, fratricide, matricide, patricide, genocide, infanticide..."
The room went quiet.
I looked up to see seventeen pairs of eyes staring back at me, in shock and fear.
Beware the quiet ones.
No, this isn't a precursor to the end of Twisted, it's just a probable hate e-mail someone sent me. In spite of this person, I've posted the contents. Ha! - Spook.
egress \EE-gress\, noun:
1. The act of going out or leaving, or the right or freedom to leave; departure.
2. A means of going out or leaving; an exit; an outlet.
intransitive verb \ee-GRESS\:
To go out; to depart; to leave.
Today gates and walls, much more hard and fixed barriers than street patterns, control entrance and egress in suburban subdivisions and urban neighborhoods around the country. - Edward J. Blakely and Mary Gail Snyder, [1]Fortress America
New York's superb natural harbor and its links westward via the Erie Canal and, later, several trunk railroads made it an ideal entry and egress point for goods and people. - Joshua B. Freeman, [2]Working-Class New York
In order to keep the crowds moving through the exhibits in his traveling show . .. Mr. [P.T.] Barnum posted signs that read: "This Way to the Egress." Eager to view
this presumably strange and exotic exhibit, the throngs would push through the door labeled "Egress" -- and find themselves in the street. - Laurie A. O'Neill, "Almanac Is Itself a Rare Occurrence," [3]New York Times, December 27, 1981
Egress is from Latin egressus, from egredi, "to go out," from e-, "out" + gradi, "to step."
References
1. http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0815710038/ref%3Dnosim/lexico [Link]
2. http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/1565847121/ref%3Dnosim/lexico [Link]
3. http://www.nytimes.com/ [Link]
Dictionary.com Entry and Pronunciation
http://dictionary.reference.com/search?r=9&q=egress [Link]
Which OS are You?
Mini-Linkfest/Twisted News: Just a few things today.
Later!
100% Tofurkey-free and it's a big one today. I have a weekend to kill and I'm waiting for someone.
My Usual Self-Questionnaire.
What's playing? A bunch of Static-X songs. I've been reading, laughing and recoiling in disgust for over an hour now.
What was the last thing your TV did? I watched Coffee and Cigarettes IMDB: [Link] It was okay... no freaking plot as it's a collection of vignettes, but I got to see a bunch of stars [Link] and see a Tesla coil in action.
What was the last person or thing you complained about or complimented on and what did you say? I was both complimenting myself and slapping my forehead after biking for FIVE HOURS on and off today. (maybe a grand total of three and a half hours of pedalling) I can barely stand up right now.
What was the last thing you threw away? Two worn out socks. (from biking) I wonder why they were worn so much?
How am I feeling? Why? Doin' fine, I have a teeny-weeny-eensy headache, but I'd rather not complain about it.
Website Reco? Be prepared for a job interview [Link] The 25 most difficult questions you'll be asked on a job interview.
Complete this: "The Weather Is..." Nice. It's getting dark now though.
CNEWS - Tech News: At Home On-demand video game services; good idea, poor selection.
Hey... Why didn't I already know about this?
Because you deserve it!
My Usual Self-Questionnaire.
What's playing? Amorphis - Far From The Sun
What was the last thing your TV did? I played Rainbow Six 3 on PS2 at my friend's place. I played online, heheheheh... Cool.
What was the last person or thing you complained about or complimented on and what did you say? I was yelling at the TV, I was playing a game online on PS2 and was getting my butt kicked. Those grenades were coming out of nowhere. I'm sure there was a camper somewhere in that maze.
What was the last thing you threw away? Nothing much.
How am I feeling? Why? I feel busy. It's been a long day at work and now I'm ripping recently purchased CD's to my MP3 collection and working on this blog entry. I had tons of old bookmarks I wanted to get rid of.
Website Reco? Cocktails, the basics [Link] From the Webtender link. You're welcome.
Complete this: "The Weather Is..." Warm. There's a nice indian summer happening in Sioux Lookout! I'm nearly done with my CD's so I'm going outside afterwards for a while. Later!
Okay... one response last time. And it wasn't even the right answer.
You're driving along at night and it's cold and raining. You stop at a sign, look out to your right and there's a bus stop with three people waiting. You see your best friend, who lives way out of town so the bus won't get him/her very far and (s)he's not wearing a coat. You also see an old lady and she looks like she needs medical attention soon. And finally there's the person of your dreams. You want to help, but your car only has two seats, the driver's seat and the passenger seat.
What would you do?
I got a riddle for you all.
You have a chicken, a fox and a bag of chicken feed. You need to get across a river and there's a small boat big enough only for yourself and one of your items. How do you get everything across without the fox eating the chicken or the chicken eating the bag of feed?
Answer will come tommorrow. Leave your answer in comments. Good luck.
Is this enough? (I want to be sure I qualify as a bona fide news source.)(Damn, this takes forever.)
My Usual Self-Questionnaire.
What's playing? Lacuna Coil - Heir of a Dying Day Lyrics: [Link] Band: [Link] (This has to be the best italian band I know of... ever. As usual, Flash is required.)
What was the last TV show or movie you watched? *BURRRRP* Nothing.
What was the last thing you complained about? Nothing really.
Who was the last person you complimented and what did you say? Nothing really.
What was the last thing you threw away? Empty bag'o'chips. Well... I suppose there's no chips anymore and it's just a bag.
How am I feeling? Why? Doin' fine. Kinda lazy but I'm heading out later on.
Website Reco? Mount St. Helens VolcanoCam [Link] I think I linked to this earlier, but the cam was out a couple days ago and this is the only functional one left. Enjoy.
Complete this: "The Weather Is..." Cool.
(Now please TRY to remember I don't make these up, I'm just STEALING them!)
there is a great line from a book (and subsequent movie) called "under the volcano."
the protaganist is drunk as hell--and has been for days--, standing outside of a bar, and he is asked what he is doing out there.
he responds, as he wobbles unsteadily on his feet:
"i've heard tell that the world goes round and round. that being the case, i am going to stand right here until my house comes by. then when it does, i am going to go inside, go up to my room, and lock my door."
despite my many attempts, i have never been able to get that right, standing outside of a bar, drunk as hell.
Hmm... I've been reading a lot online recently. Just this weekend I've read the entire history of the Transformers, [Link] some Isaac Asimov, Jack Kerouac and other various classic writings [Link] and a bunch of stuff about MIT courses [Link] I've also been trying to find odd texts and bits and pieces of whatever the hell I could get my hands on. And so without any further ado...
Linkfest: I'll get to some Twisted News after work, okay worms?
My Usual Self-Questionnaire.
What's playing? Korn - Beg For Me
What was the last thing my TV did? Sat there while I ignored it.
What was the last person/thing you complimented/complained about? Being tired all day yesterday.
What was the last thing you threw away? Receipts for purchases I made.
How am I feeling? Why? Dreading work today.
Website Reco? Nothing this morning... I'm gonna be late for work. But read that MIT link, there's some good stuff in there.
Complete this: "The Weather Is..." Cooly bright.
From Anne Rice's Vampire Chronicles series. (as revealed to Armand by Santino)
That each coven must have its leader and only he might order the working of the Dark trick upon a mortal, seeing that the methods and the rituals were properly observed.
TWO
That the Dark Gifts must never be given to the crippled, the maimed, or to children, or to those who cannot, even with the Dark Powers survive on their own. Be it further understood that all mortals who would receive the Dark Gifts should be beautiful in person so that the insult to God might be greater when the trick is done.
THREE
That never should an old vampire work this magic lest the blood of the fledgling be too strong. For all our gifts increase naturally with age and the old ones have too much strength to pass on. Injury, burning -- these catastrophes, if they do not destroy the Child of Satan will only increase his powers when he is healed. Yet Satan guards the flock from the powers of old ones, for almost all, without exception go mad.
In this particular, let Armand observe that there was no vampire then living who was more than 300 years old. No one alive then could remember the first Roman coven. The devil frequently calls his vampires home.
But let Armand understand here also that the effect of the Dark Trick is unpredictable, even when passed on by the very young vampire and with all due care. For reasons no one knows, some mortals when Born to Darkness become as powerful as Titans, others may be no more than corpses that move. That is why mortals must be chosen with skill. Those with great passion and indominatable will should be avoided as well as those who have none.
FOUR
That no vampire may ever destroy another vampire, except that the coven master has the power of life and death over all of his flock. And it is further his obligation to lead the old ones and the mad ones into the fire when they can no longer serve Satan as they should. It is his obligation to destroy all vampires who are not properly made. It is his obligation to destroy all those who are so badly wounded that they cannot survive on their own. And it is his obligation finally to seek the destruction of all outcasts and all those who have broken these laws.
FIVE
That no vampire shall ever reveal his true nature to a mortal and let the mortal live. No vampire must ever reveal the history of the vampires to a mortal and let the mortal live. No vampire must commit to writing the history of the vampires or any true knowledge of vampires lest such a history be found by mortals and believed. And a vampire's name must never be known to mortals, save from his tombstone, and never must any vampire reveal to mortals the location of his or any other vampire's lair.
Yeah, I know I get weird on weekends.
Slums may well be breeding-grounds of crime, but middle-class suburbs are incubators of apathy and delirium. - Cyril Connolly
Tips on Surviving Reality TV [link] Stuff like this doesn't come along too often. I think stuff like this deserves to be publicised, because you never know...
Drunken Dialing
DAILY BLEED
Strong Bad E-Mail #121
Links for Tuesday
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