Every now and then you run into something that just *can't* wait to be posted and has to be shared ASAP! This is one of them: The spam reality checklist [Link]
Now I know we all get stupid spam e-mails, but they now also come over instant messengers and phone text messaging. Here's a few that have really made me grimace in disgust:
And here's one of my own:
Yahoo! CANNOT and WILL NOT RUN OUT of Yahoo ID's to give out on their messenger. And you can bet the President or Vice President of Yahoo! will not have users send the message around amongst themselves.
Fools.
At work we got a replacement printer in our part of the cubefarm. It replaced an old mid-90's, biege, boxed and rectangle style network printer while the new one has curves, sweeps and rounded edges. From my desk I see it's side and it looks exactly like the head of the robot maid from the Jetsons but now I can't stop feeling like we stole it and it's sitting there, occasionally puking out paper, trying to message for help.
So far it's not getting any and we're happy with her head sitting there.
Funny!
Lukewarm cuppa trouble. The saga of the new coffeemaker. [link] Stephen Lautens is a Calgary Sun columnist. Also, a pretty good humourist.
Zombies!
It's deads-ville [link] This turdnik stole my idea that I had from a dream not so long ago. This article is on a movie about zombies that have begun to evolve, think and organise. There's also some survivors too so it should be interesting. It's got a former argonaut [link] in it and even the star and director from Shaun of the Dead. [link] I can't wait for it, filming starts soon.
MORE ZOMBIE MOVIES:
Dawn of the Dead [link],
28 Days Later [link],
Night of the Living Dead [link],
Plan 9 From Outer Space [link],
Resident Evil [link],
Return of the Living Dead: Part II [link],
The Stuff [link].
Okay, that's enough.
Economy!
It seems we're doing better [link] Canadian dollar trading above 79 cents US, highest in eleven years.
Linkfest: Move along... Not much to see here.
Strange Things to Ponder
If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill themselves, is it considered a hostage situation?
Instead of talking to your plants, if you yelled at them would they still grow? Only to become troubled and insecure?
Is there another word for synonym?
Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"?
When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their picket signs?
When you open a bag of cotton balls, is the top one meant to be thrown away?
Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all"?
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
Why do they report power outages on TV?
What do you do when you see an endangered animal that is eating an endangered plant?
Is it possible to be totally partial?
What's another word for thesaurus?
If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
Why do people who know the least know it the loudest?
If the funeral procession is at night, do folks drive with their headlights off?
If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest, will it make a sound?
If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
When it rains, why don't sheep shrink?
Should vegetarians eat animal crackers?
If the cops arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
Why is the word abbreviation so long?
When companies ship Styrofoam, what do they pack it in?
If you're cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?
If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill themselves, is it considered a hostage situation?
Instead of talking to your plants, if you yelled at them would they still grow? Only to become troubled and insecure?
Is there another word for synonym?
Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"?
When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their picket signs?
When you open a bag of cotton balls, is the top one meant to be thrown away?
Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all"?
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
Why do they report power outages on TV?
What do you do when you see an endangered animal that is eating an endangered plant?
Is it possible to be totally partial?
What's another word for thesaurus?
If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
Why do people who know the least know it the loudest?
If the funeral procession is at night, do folks drive with their headlights off?
If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest, will it make a sound?
If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
When it rains, why don't sheep shrink?
Should vegetarians eat animal crackers?
If the cops arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
Why is the word abbreviation so long?
When companies ship Styrofoam, what do they pack it in?
If you're cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?
My Usual Self-Questionnaire.
What's playing? Red vs. Blue, this video is hilarious. I love the voice acting.
What was the last TV show or movie you watched? CSI, last night.
What was the last thing you threw away? *WAHCOO* empty roll of tp
How am I feeling? Why? My right hand hurts, it's got cuts on it.
Website Reco? Manson after a decade [Link] Just an interview article. But a good read if you like the music.
Complete this: "The Weather Is..." Fall is coming! The mornings are cold!
Just a little bit this time.
Lowbrow Moment (Now please TRY to remember I don't make these up, I'm just STEALING them!)
shitty day. the kind that makes you wish you had a rifle and a belltower handy.
mom makes brother and i go to the damned store to pick up whatever for dinner. crammed store full of inbred idiots.
i walk outside, and theres a little girl handing out kittens.
she looks up at me, ever so sweetly and asks, mister, do you want a kitty?
I reply, no thanks, i've allready eaten today.
Hear sharp intake of breath from mother and i know that from that moment on, i'm having a GOOD day.
My Usual Self-Questionnaire.
What's playing? Slaughter - Hold On Lyrics: [Link] Band: [Link]
What was the last TV show or movie you watched? Trucks! [Link]
What was the last thing you complained about? Hmm... didn't really complain today.
Who was the last person you complimented and what did you say? Didn't compliment either.
What was the last thing you threw away? Don't remember what it was.
How am I feeling? Why? Confuddled. I've been thinking too much.
Website Reco? Net [Link] A game where you spin the blocks to power up all the circles and diamonds from the power source... almost everything turns. And 11x11 is frickin HARD, stick to 7x7 or 9x9.
Two trucks loaded with a thousand copies of Roger's Thesaurus collided as they left a New York publishing house last Thursday, according to the Associated Press.
Witnesses were stunned, startled, aghast, taken aback, stupefied, astonished, astounded, mesmerized....
Dude breaks his skateboard and his ass at the same time. [Link]
Phew! What a week it's been, I'm so glad it's Saturday. What am I going to be doing? Not much. (aka, "the usual") - Spook
Twisted News
Lowbrow Moment (Now please TRY to remember I don't make these up, I'm just STEALING them!)
In a vastly stupid display of his misplaced principles, this moron had had himself placed in a small cage outside the healthfood store to show people how poor little animals had to live before we asserted our foodchain superiority and ate them. He had a sign up saying to protest meat eating, he was going to fast in there all weekend.
So I went and bought a huge cheeseburger on day three and ate it sitting at the curb next to his Peta-pious display, and he drooled like a puppy.
Linkfest:
My Usual Self-Questionnaire.
What's playing? Rhino Bucket - Beat to Death Like a Dog Lyrics [Link] Band: [Link]
What was the last TV show or movie you watched? I dunno, but I will be watching Hackers later on Internet Movie Database [Link]
What was the last thing you complained about? Just whining about some stiffness in my neck from playing Playstation too much.
Who was the last person you complimented and what did you say? Nice wood pile, to my friend whose backyard it littered with firewood for the coming cold season.
What was the last thing you threw away? Scraps off my plate.
How am I feeling? Why? Doin' fine.
Website Reco? Don't you think I've recommended enough webpages to visit already?
Complete this: "The Weather Is..." Cooperative. It's been sunny and slightly windy.
Yes. For example, I'm a machine. Why? Because I pour coffee, tea, diet pepsi or beer into my mouth then it creates multiple chemical reactions in my body which cause my brain to think and my hands to type blog entries. If you have any disputes with my theory I've hired Ms. Waite, or Helen as I call her, to help with any concerns of my readers so that I may keep the content of this blog as high quality as possible.
In short, if you have any issues with anything in my blog and would like to dispute it, go to Helen Waite.
"Careful ... CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful ... CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!"
The wife stared at him. "What the hell is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"
The husband calmly replied, "I wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving with you in the car."
All Time Dumbest Questions Asked by Banff Park Tourists
Yes, they're ALL TRUE as heard at the information kiosks manned by
Parks Canada staff!)
1. How do the elk know they're supposed to cross at the "Elk Crossing"signs?
2. At what elevation does an elk become a moose?
3. Tourist: "How do you pronounce 'Elk'?" Park Information Staff: " 'Elk' "Tourist: "Oh".
4. Are the bears with collars tame?
5. Is there anywhere I can see the bears pose?
6. Is it okay to keep an open bag of bacon on the picnic table, or should I store it in my tent?
7. Where can I find Alpine Flamingos?
8. I saw an animal on the way to Banff today - could you tell me what it was?
9. Are there birds in Canada?
10. Did I miss the turnoff for Canada?
11. Where does Alberta end and Canada begin?
12. Do you have a map of the State of Jasper?
13. Is this the part of Canada that speaks French, or is that Saskatchewan?
14. If I go to B.C., do I have to go through Ontario?
15. Which is the way to the Columbia Ricefields?
16. How far is Banff from Canada?
17. What's the best way to see Canada in a day?
18. Do they search you at the B.C. border?
19. When we enter B.C. do we have to convert our money to British pounds?
20. Where can I buy a raccoon hat? ALL Canadians own one, don't they?
21. Are there phones in Banff?
22. So it's eight kilometres away... is that in miles?
23. We're on the decibel system you know.
24. Where can I get my husband really, REALLY lost??
25. Is that two kilometres by foot or by car?
26. Don't you Canadians know anything?
27. Where do you put the animals at night?
28. Tourist: "How do you get your lakes so blue?" Park staff: "We take the water out in the winter and paint the bottom." Tourist: "Oh".
fin
Jeedo> hey baby, whats up?
Indidge> umm....nothing?
Jeedo> So....want me to like come over today so we can fuck?
Indidge> Wait....did you want to speak to my daughter?
Jeedo> Yes Mrs.Miller.. :-/
(WAH-HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! And no, Jeedo is not me - Spook)
Linkfest: Some things to do and one thing not to do, enjoy yourself.
My Usual Self-Questionnaire.
What's playing? Wind in the background.
What was the last TV show or movie you watched? The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen [Link]
What was the last thing you complained about? Hmm... I was bored at work today. I didn't tell my coworkers, but I think they knew.
How am I feeling? Why? Exhausted and sore.
Website Reco? COLLEGE FRESHMEN - IS THIS YOUR SON? [Link] I don't remember being in that class....
Complete this: "The Weather Is..." Windy and cloudy. I swear I can hear the clouds out there with the wind.
I've had this link for a while, it's OK Cupid's test. [Link] And it's been in my bookmark and notebook files for a while now. At least a few month's I'd say. Anyway, I took the test when I first got it a few months ago and just today. Results in the box
The Loverboy
Random Gentle Love Master (RGLMm)
Well-liked. Well-established. You are The Loverboy. Loverboys thrive in committed, steady relationships--as opposed to, say, Playboys, who want sex without too much attachment.
You've had many relationships and nearly all of them have been successful. You're a nice guy, you know the ropes, and even if you can be a little hasty with decisions, most girls think of you as a total catch. Your hastiness comes off as spontaneity most of the time anyhow, making you especially popular in your circle of friends, too.
Your exact opposite: The Billy Goat
Deliberate Brutal Sex Dreamer You know not to make the typical Loverboy mistake of choosing someone who appreciates your good humor and popularity, but who offers nothing in return. You belong with someone outgoing, independent, and creative. Otherwise, you'll get bored. And then instead of surprising her with flowers or a practical joke, you'll surprise her by leaving.
ALWAYS AVOID: The Nymph
CONSIDER: The Window Shopper, The Peach
FACT:
You embody the German principle of Konstantzusammenschaft, which is best described in as "eternal togethermanship".
RESULTS FROM TODAY, SEPT 23
The Playboy
Random Gentle Sex Master (RGSMm)
Clean. Smooth. Successful. You're The Playboy.
You're spontaneous, and your energy is highly contagious. Guys therefore find you fun to be around, and girls find you compelling. You have lots of sex, and you manage it all without seeming cheap or being hurtful. Well done. You probably know karate, too.
Your exact opposite:
The Mixed Messenger
Deliberate Brutal Love Dreamer
It's obvious to us, and probably everyone else, that you're after physical rather than emotional relationships, but you're straight up with potential partners. And if a girl you want isn't into something casual, it's no big deal. You move on. BEFORE sleeping with her. Usually. At least you try to. Such control is rare.
If you're feeling unfulfilled, maybe you should raise your standards. New conquests will only be satisfying if there's a possibility of rejection.
ALWAYS AVOID: The Priss
CONSIDER: The Dirty Little Secret, The Nurse
What a change a few months make... I'm not like this now, really... I think? - Spook
What's playing? Soundgarden - Blow up the outside world Lyrics: [Link]
How am I feeling? Why? I'm not sure, I'm kind of tired.
Website Reco? Dante's Inferno Test [Link] Impurity, Sin... and Damnation. My quiz results:
The wretched King Minos has decided your fate. His tale wraps around his body 2 times.
The sweet light no longer strikes against your eyes. Your shade has been banished to...
Second Level of Hell
You have come to a place mute of all light, where the wind bellows as the sea does in a tempest. This is the realm where the lustful spend eternity. Here, sinners are blown around endlessly by the unforgiving winds of unquenchable desire as punishment for their transgressions. The infernal hurricane that never rests hurtles the spirits onward in its rapine, whirling them round, and smiting, it molests them. You have betrayed reason at the behest of your appetite for pleasure, and so here you are doomed to remain. Cleopatra and Helen of Troy are two that share in your fate.
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:
Level | Who are sent there? | Score
Purgatory | Repenting Believers | Very Low
Level 1 - Limbo | Virtuous Non-Believers | High
Level 2 | Lustful | Low HERE'S MY SCORE!
Level 3 | Gluttonous | Low
Level 4 | Prodigal and Avaricious | Moderate
Level 5 | Wrathful and Gloomy | Low
Level 6 - The City of Dis | Heretics | High
Level 7 | Violent | Low
Level 8- the Malebolge | Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers | Low
Level 9 - Cocytus | Treacherous | Moderate
Level descriptions [Link]
What is it with quizzes and me today? Huh....
I know that doesn't sound like much, but when you consider the large size of my coffee mug, you wonder why I haven't complained about it before.
And one large dose of caffiene in the morning isn't the optimal way to wake yourself up either. I've been doing it all wrong:
ARTICLE (kudos to Netscape for not suing me)
The Perfect Dose of Caffeine
If you want to stay awake, your best bet isn't to gulp massive quantities of caffeinated beverages. Instead, drink small, frequent cups of coffee, tea, or caffeinated sodas--about once an hour--throughout the day. That's the word from the Sleep Disorder Center at Rush University Medical Center in Chicago.
Most of us drink two or three cups of coffee in the morning, which causes the brain's caffeine levels to build up all at once and then fall throughout the day. But when you consume smaller, regular doses of caffeine, it actually works to counteract the body's natural desire for sleep and helps you stay awake, reports Reuters.
"Most of the population is using caffeine the wrong way by drinking a few mugs of coffee or tea in the morning, or three cups from their Starbucks grande on the way to work," lead study author James Wyatt said in a news release. "This means that caffeine levels in the brain will be falling as the day goes on. Unfortunately, the physiological process they need to counteract is not a major player until the latter half of the day."
That process is a system in our bodies that builds up the need for sleep as the day wears on. The Rush team of scientists, who were assisted by researchers from Boston's Brigham and Women's Hospital and Harvard Medical School, think caffeine works by blocking the receptor for adenosine, a chemical messenger that is involved in the body's drive for sleep.
The study: Sixteen healthy male volunteers ages 18 to 30 avoided using alcohol, caffeine, and medications for at least two weeks. Then they kept a very strict eight-hour sleep schedule for three weeks. At the end of this period, they moved into a sleep lab for 29 days where they each resided in private suites that had no windows and no way for them to tell the time. To prevent their internal clocks from keeping time and to mimic the effects of staying up all night, the men stayed awake for 29 hours and slept for just over 14 hours. When they were awake, they were given a battery of tests. Half the men took a 0.3 mg caffeine pill every hour (the equivalent of two ounces of coffee), while the other half took a placebo. Neither the volunteers nor the researchers knew who was taking which one until the study ended.
The results: The men who took the placebo did worse and worse on the tests as the grueling, long days wore on; however, the men who took the caffeine did much better with their tasks even though their performance eventually fell off.
"While there is no perfect substitute for sleep, our results point the way toward a much better method for using caffeine in order to maintain optimal vigilance and attention, particularly when someone has to remain awake longer than the traditional 16-hour wake episode," Wyatt told Reuters.
The study findings appear in the journal Sleep.
Lowbrow Moment (Now please TRY to remember I don't make these up, I'm just STEALING them!)
Was at a cigar convention (outside) was smoking a very nice hand rolled. Blew smoke it hit a guy with an oxygen hook up, felt bad , till he asked me to do it again.
Twisted News
Stupid cops [Link] While not confirmed, they THINK it was some soft of training exercise. Yeah right, I think they were playing some demented form of four-way chicken.
Attack of the cheerleaders [Link] This is what happens when you refuse their cheer. They really stuck it to their victim.... 20+ times.
The psychology experiment doomed to failure [Link] Seance anyone? Anyone?
Hairpiece hooligan handcuffed and sentenced [Link] 23 months probation, $500.00 fine AND a letter of apology? Jeez, whose hairpiece did he steal? Micheal Jackon?
Shotglasses for students [Link] I ran out, where do I sign up?
Dog with a 'sixth sense' saves her master's life [Link] Epileptic has hero dog cuz it can sense early changes in his body before he starts to spaz out and pass out.
Buy the Sandia Motor Speedway [Link] On eBay!
Slob cops clean up [Link] Oh man... I hope whatever fall from grace they had never happens here in Canada.
Man Builds His Own State Park [Link] "The Bob Jelden State Park" Go Bob! Go Bob! It's your birthday!
Pimp Juice! [Link] Probably the worst way to get publicity for an otherwise good idea, but oh well, it's working and I want a can of that.
Not really news, but an article nonetheless: Brazilian Bikini Wax [Link] Ow....
My Usual Self-Questionnaire.
What's playing? Silverchair - Suicidal Dreams Lyrics: [Link] Band: [Link]
How am I feeling? Why? Groggy. I need caffiene. What time is it? Where's the sun? Damn, it's too early for me to be awake.
Website Reco? The 8500 calorie sandwich [Link] Nevermind my breakfast from yesterday, get me one of THESE
Complete this: "The Weather Is..." Annoying me. It's supposed to rain a little this morning and be partly cloudy all day. That means it'll be cloudy when I'm outside and sunny when I'm stuck at work or it's too dark to go for a bike ride.
Holy $#!T!!!!
I was wondering why I was getting all these hits all of the sudden today. Then I saw that tagboard post from "R.A." and had myself a look-see at the updated page. "COOL! I'M AT THE TOP!" I thought to myself, but... something's wrong and I don't seem to be affected, nor does Chris [Link] or Wayne [Link] and to some extent, Jerry. [Link]
Okay, Cheryl. [Link] What did you do?!?!? Just kidding... Anyone know what's going on?
But anyway, hello to all you first-time visitors. I'm Spook. Get yourself something to drink, call your friends over and pull up some seats. If I'm going to be listed at the top for a long time, I guess I'll invite you to read my archives. There's lots here to read. Enjoy!
Excerpts from: Chicken Soup for the Beer Drinker
Remember "I" before "E", except in Budweiser.
#
"Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza." - Dave Barry
#
"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy." - Benjamin Franklin
#
"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day." - Frank Sinatra
#
And saving the best for last, as explained by Cliff Clavin, of Cheers. One afternoon at Cheers, Cliff Clavin was explaining the Buffalo Theory to his buddy Norm. Here's how it went:
"Well ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers."
::: posted by Spook at Wednesday, September 22, 2004 | |
I found an old photo of actor Graham Greene at the Wawawtay archives. Photo: [Link]Wawatay: [Link] Internet Movie Database: [Link]
He's young in this picture and just look at that long hair of his. How is Monica's last name pronounced anyway? (moe-hee-kah?)
I suppose now that I'm featured under the News/Current Affairs/Blogs section of APTN I should actually give some news. But... I'm no reporter so I suppose I'm going to report on news I've found. There will be more coming in the future, I'm busy scouring the web for additional sources.
There you have it. The penalty for mooning someone (a judge in this instance) is six months in prison. [Link] Although I suppose it would really be contempt of court. But you know how cranky judges get when you flash them a brown eye.
Jesus kills woman. [Link] Whammo. Sad.
Old woman still gets her kicks pickpocketing. [Link] Too bad it got her arrested. She likes the thrill of it.
Everyone probably already knows about this, but CBS was just handed the biggest fine ever just for showing one nipple. But it was a nipple attached to a very famous person and revealed by another famous person by accident. Yes, I'm talking about the Janet Jackson Super Bowl breast incident. CBS was fined $550,000.00 USD. [Link]
Do it again next year, I say. Haha! It was worth it.
In other news,
the Original Six Hockey League, the 4-on-4 league that was started to let NHL players play while the lockout is in effect has already started pre-season games. But there appears to be no defence with scores like these so far: [Link]
Toronto beat Detroit 16-13 in Barrie, Ont.
Boston defeated Montreal 14-11 in Brampton, Ont.
The other two Original Six teams haven't played any games yet.
Yummy, hockey nights in Canada!
::: posted by Spook at Wednesday, September 22, 2004 | |
Take the What High School Stereotype Are You? quiz.
A large mug of tea with two english muffins with egg, hamburger patty, cheese and turkey slice in them. Maybe I should have some orange juice too. (brb)
JOKE TIME!!
This farmer calls up the newspaper and asks to speak to the editor. The editor picks up and the farmer starts complaining about how the guy who took his message to sell some sheep screwed up badly. "What do you mean he screwed up?" asks the editor, and the conversation goes on:
Farmer: "Well, he mispelled Ewes"
Editor: "What?"
"Ewes?"
"Excuse me?"
"EWES! e-w-e-s"
"Oh, ewes... I can see how he might screw that up, what's the real problem?"
"That idiot made me the laughing stock of my small town because my ad says: 'For sale: sheep, USED Call 555-1234'"
My Usual Self-Questionnaire.
What's playing? Static-X - Wisconson Death Trip
What was the last TV show or movie you watched? Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country [Link]
What was the last thing you complained about? The roof of my mouth is sore because I ate something hard last evening and it stuck my palate.
How am I feeling? Why? Doing okay.
Website Reco? Run little sheep, run! [Link] BANG! *scatter* HAHAHAHAHAHAA!!!
Complete this: "The Weather Is..." Fall is here. It's cold out but still kind of sunny.
either leave your answers or a link to your webpage with your responses.Would you rather:
1. Spend the 3 mil... If it helps others get close to God, so be it.
2. Wrongly as a terrorist. Ugh... murder huh, there are better ways to punish another person.
3. Stab my loved one's hand. At least there are no LARGE arteries in there and their hand is easier to hold up and cut off to stop the bleeding. Plus, they can just pass out and you can hold it up. WHAT? A little too detailed and creepy? You suck.
4. I'd rather die old cuz at least I know I'm gonna have a little fun and a little more love before going.
"In other words..." [Link]
The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right place but to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.
-- Dorothy Nevill
In other words, the real art of conversation is tact and timing. (HAA! Too easy!)
-- Dave.
I remember when K-Net was just a BBS. All I had to indicate that I was using the service was my name on the member list. It was all text and seemed like a pretty neat idea to utilize WildCat software, which anyone could get for $9.99 at some computer shops, but was really.... cheap.
And NOW look at the current K-Net setup and I gots me this K!CK@$$ blog.
On a piece of small paper, write "SEX" with letters big enough to be read from a distance. Asking a coworker from across the room to read and confirm you wrote it big enough is suggested. Tape the peice of paper to your coffee mug or cup on a spot so people can read it while you carry your cup around.
Then go around the office and and tell people "Look! I'm having SEX!" and take a sip and sigh happily as you stroll by your coworker.
Alternatives to "SEX" include:
"Look! I'm having..."
- FUN!
- A GOOD TIME!
- A HEART ATTACK!
- A SEIZURE!
- A BEER!
Supplemental advice:
- Cautious use only.
- Timing is essential.
- Monday mornings are suggested.
LIBRA (born between 24th September and 23rd October):
Help from an unexpected source arrives in the nick of time, giving you a new lease of life. Don't question this good fortune; just accept it with a grateful heart. You wouldn't receive such benefits if you hadn't performed so many kind deeds in the past. Talk about fabulous karma! If you want to keep the positive energy flowing, adopt a stray animal or help a needy friend. You're living proof that miracles can happen.
1. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave.
2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.
3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3.
4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.
5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don't have e-mail addresses.
6. You go home after a long day at work, you still answer the phone in a business manner.
7. You make phone calls from home, you accidentally dial "9" to get an outside line.
8. You've sat at the same desk for four years and worked for three different companies.
10. You learn about your redundancy on the 11 o'clock news.
11. Your boss doesn't have the ability to do your job.
12. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home.
13. Every commercial on television has a website at the bottom of the screen.
14. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it.
15. You get up in the morning and go online before getting your coffee.
16. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. :)
17. You're reading this and nodding and laughing.
18. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this message.
19. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.
20. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on this list.
AND NOW U R LAUGHING at yourself. Go on, e-mail this to your friends ...you know you want to!
My Usual Self-Questionnaire.
What's playing? Static-X - Invincible
What was the last TV show or movie you watched? CSI, last night on SpikeTV
What was the last thing you complained about? My ears hurt again >=(
Who was the last person you complimented and what did you say? Not really sure.
What was the last thing you threw away? Well, I'm nearly done with breakfast and this banana is almost done. I guess I'm gonna throw away the peels.
How am I feeling? Why? Groggy. Someone needs to invent me a better tea.
Website Reco? The Map of Springfield! [Link] That's right! Get lost in the Simpsons' world. What state is that in again?
Complete this: "The Weather Is..." Cloudy, rainy and windy. [Link] [Link]
UPDATE: BEWM! Version 2.0!!!!!! (Well, not really... it's more like version 15 or something)
I just used (ugh) internet explorer for the first time in a while to check out how my new layout looks but now it seems my titlebar was off by about 10 pixels and the title background layout is completely fux0r3d. Stupid CSS-layout wars! You can expect I'll be doing something extra with it later on!
Blah, everybody go get FireFox! [Link] If you need a reason, read on and check out my mini-review down below somewhere. Maybe two or three posts down.
I'm reminded of two movies to describe how I feel about my new design.
The first movie is Frankenstein, [Link] I felt like Dr. Frankenstein collecting bits and pieces of my code from many sources. I had to go digging around and had to relearn how to do some of this stuff. I had my blog to use as an empty shell to fill with parts, so I found one template to use as a brain for my CSS codes, most of my HTML codes and began to change it to my liking, add from other templates and subtracting parts as I went along. I even had every post has it's own frame to scroll in, but I decided it was cool, but not hot enough for TWISTED. I then had to move my sidebar over from my old template, change my two "about" page colours, my tagboard colours and my comments colours because they work just fine but didn't match the rest of the new TWISTED.
The second scene comes from Batman [Link] where The Joker first sees his disfigured face in the underground doctor's shop. He looks in the mirror, sees himself and begins to laugh in a scary, manic fashion. I did this when I was checking through everything and realised I was finished. I'm done and here's my new frankenstein-design.
I'm back with my new monster. What do you think? Leave a comment.
Which Street Fighter are you?
Test by Nathan
Avast! It's "Talk Like A Pirate Day" !!!! [Link] Enjoy, ARRR!
My Bloginality is ISTJ!!!
As an ISTJ, you are Intraverted, Sensing, Thinking, and Judging. This makes your primary focus on Introverted Sensing with Extraverted Thinking. This is defined as a SJ personality, which is part of Carl Jung's Guardian (Security Seeking) type, and more specifically the Inspectors or Duty Fufiller.
As a weblogger, you may will have a dependable form of posting. You may be more likely to be judgementatal toward others who aren't as dependable. You may get taken advantage of in group situations because you are known as not being able to say no. Because of your respect for facts and information, you may need multiple blogs to keep all of the information sorted in your head.
Lowbrow Moment (Now please TRY to remember I don't make these up, I'm just STEALING them!)
"blah, blah, blah, stop staring at my breasts"
You know, if every man had his genitals square in the middle of his chest, forming a distinct outline under his shirt for all the world to see, every last one of you she-devils would do the exact same thing.
Case closed.
Message From Dave: Okay, I think it's safe to assume I'm back, I'm currently toiling in my HTML, CSS and BLOGGER codes right now, trying to get everything to look EXACTLY the way I want it to.
Okay, I haven't been working on my new template and I haven't been updating. I also haven't been doing a lot of things I haven't supposed to. I guess I'm just burned out from... everything. But oh well. It's pretty cool that APTN linked to me, [Link] (What am I doing in current affairs?) My unique hit count soared way above 2000 and my new design is being a lil B!T@# to deal with. Aside from that, I'm still surfing and bookmarking, taking notes and chewing gum. Hmm, I gotta go get another pack of gum. Here's an update for ya! - D.
Those of you new to the website, Read my "What's a Lowbrow Moment?" links and feel free to leave a comment anywhere, I'll find it.
Linkfest Okay, what should I put in here today?
Top 45 Oxymorons
45. Act naturally
44. Found missing
43. Resident alien
42. Advanced BASIC
41. Genuine imitation
40. Airline food
39. Good grief
38. Same difference
37. Almost exactly
36. Government organization
35. Sanitary landfill
34. Alone together
33. Legally drunk
32. Silent scream
31. Living dead
30. Small crowd
29. Business ethics
28. Soft rock
27. Butt Head
26. Military Intelligence
25. Software documentation
24. New classic
23. Sweet sorrow
22. Childproof
21. "Now, then ..."
20. Synthetic natural gas
19. Passive aggression
18. Taped live
17. Clearly misunderstood
16. Peace force
15. Extinct Life
14. Temporary tax increase
13. Computer jock
12. Plastic glasses
11. Terribly pleased
10. Computer security
9. Political science
8. Tight slacks
7. Definite maybe
6. Pretty ugly
5. Twelve-ounce pound cake
4. Diet ice cream
3. Working vacation
2. Exact estimate
1. Microsoft Works (!!)
Linkfest Part Deux!
My Usual Self-Questionnaire.
What's playing? Jet Set Satellite - Blueprint Band: [Link] Lyrics: [Link]
What was the last TV show or movie you watched? I don't remember, I was in a zen-like vegetative state of mind.
What was the last thing you complained about? Yesterday's earache.
Who was the last person you complimented and what did you say? I dunno, I've been in a bad mood the past few days.
What was the last thing you threw away? Empty Tylenol tube.
How am I feeling? Why? Doing better.
Website Reco? Mozilla Firefox [Link] "Rediscover the web." Here's the rest of their ad-line: "The world's best browser just got better. The new Firefox Preview Release is the award winning preview of Mozilla's next generation browser. Firefox empowers you to browse faster, more safely, and more efficiently than with any other browser. Make the switch today--Firefox imports your Favorites, settings and other information, so you have nothing to lose." I use it because of it's extentions. [Link] Extensions are add-ons to Firefox that add new functions to the browser and change the way it looks, the way it behaves and even new services. My three favourite extensions have to be (1) BugMeNot, which fills in registration forms for me, but using stuff at bugmenot.com, (2) FoxyTunes, which lets me control Winamp, MusicMatch, RealPlayer, Windows Media Player and others and finally, (3) OneWindow, which makes it so that whenever I'm browsing and a link demands a new window, Firefox puts it in a new tab.
Complete this: "The Weather Is..." gonna make for a good day. [Link] [Link]
My friend and I are watching TV. American Chopper is on and he heard a phrase then had a pretty good idea for a website. Anyway, he heard Paul Sr. say "when I woke up this morning, that last thing I thought I would be doing was driving an M1 Abrams tank at work."
And his idea is this: Just like at www.lowbrow.com, but instead of lowbrow moments have people submit things that could happen to you today, but they're things that are seemingly impossible, crazy or even just plain ubsurd. And call it "The last things you thought you would be doing today."
UPDATE: I'm working on that new design... so far it's taken me about six beers. Work is going slow, but going.
The Randomness Hotline
This is the first time I've used that "BlogThis!" thing.... I like these girls. Also, I've decided to make some changes and I've started with my title. Nothing drastic, just some style changes.
More to come.
Drunken Dialing
DAILY BLEED
Strong Bad E-Mail #121
Links for Tuesday
And now to my idea
Joke
Lowbrow Moment (another)
Lowbrow Moment
Banished Words List: 2005
(Archives are below)
My Stuff
Twisted Home
About Spook (My Homepage)
Spring's Blog
About As Twisted By Dave / Twisted Manifesto
Hate Mail
RSS Site Feed
Join Twisted?
What's a "Lowbrow Moment?" You can also Check Here
Comments? Questions? Suggestions? Something to submit? Just wanna say hello? Post it here.
| Dave's "Aboriginal Website/Homepage Ring" Ring Owner: dave Site: As Twisted By Dave |
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CKDR
Dave Barry
Sunshine Girl
Bug Me Not *new
Lowbrow.Org *new
Lowbrow.Com *new
NG's Pic of the Day
Yahoo's Most E-Mailed Pix
Twisted Comic Picks *new
Reference Desk
MetaCrawler
Poems.Com
Stick Death
Halfbakery
Wikipedia
Metafilter
Garfield
Dilbert
Canoe
Shift
Zed
Recommended Aboriginal Reads
## Blogs ##
Anishaboy
Sweet Complexity
From the perspective of a PAGAK! in a tree
The Journal of Spring.
Reality Distorted
+ Catch A Falling Star +
petroscription :// artifact 4000
scott's Page of picto-graphic impressions
Adventures of Snapmouse
..:SH@PESHIF+ER:..
Jones fortune cookie sez...
STL04
::my trip to felicity::
## Websites ##
APTN
Wawatay
Wind Speaker
Say Magazine
Nativeagle
Indian Country
Native American History
Ojibway Culture and History
Native Online
4thw0rld
RezFox Dating
Native Radio
Turning Point
I'm #24.
#!/usr/bin/geek
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#1 Stranger