Have you ever wondered why foreigners have trouble with the English Language?

Let's face it
English is a stupid language.
There is no egg in the eggplant
No ham in the hamburger
And neither pine nor apple in the pineapple.
English muffins were not invented in England
French fries were not invented in France.

We sometimes take English for granted
But if we examine its paradoxes we find that
Quicksand takes you down slowly
Boxing rings are square
And a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

If writers write, how come fingers don't fing.
If the plural of tooth is teeth
Shouldn't the plural of phone booth be phone beeth
If the teacher taught,
Why didn't the preacher praught.

If a vegetarian eats vegetables
What the heck does a humanitarian eat!?
Why do people recite at a play
Yet play at a recital?
Park on driveways and
Drive on parkways

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy
Of a language where a house can burn up as
It burns down
And in which you fill in a form
By filling it out
And a bell is only heard once it goes!

English was invented by people, not computers
And it reflects the creativity of the human race
(Which of course isn't a race at all)

That is why
When the stars are out they are visible
But when the lights are out they are invisible
And why it is that when I wind up my watch
It starts
But when I wind up this observation,
It ends.

---

I'm stuck for a title. I got nothing.

Linkfest
I'm all over the place with this one. I've been sitting on these for a few weeks now so I want them out of my bookmarks file. - D.

• Urban Golf [Link] Everybody sucks at it, but that's okay.
• The 2004 Pricelessware CD [Link] Online.
• Sniglets [Link] Words that don't appear in the dictionary, but should.
• The Aurora Page [Link] Hmm... nice pictures.
• F3ll0wsh1p of teh R1ng [Link] What the movie would have been like if it had happened on a chat server.
• Gene Simmons' "Firestarter" [Link] Nice remix of a dance song. Almost believeable
• Buckethead's Bucketheadland [Link] The almost-Guns-n-roses guitarist.
• I like this news: [Link] Yeah....
• Hong Kong, City of night lights [Link] More nice pictures.
• OpenExpert [Link] A good software extention for Windows Explorer.
• All the dancing anime images you will ever need [Link]
• Park the caravan in the trees [Link] I got it in 23 seconds. What about you?
• Guided imagery and meditation for relaxation and self discovery [Link] *zzz*
• New car goes missing [Link] A photographic journey of tragic discovery. Hahah!
• BASTARD OPERATOR FROM HELL [Link] There's even something funnier than the article... look what newsgroup the article is in.

My Usual Self-Questionnaire.
What's playing? Never Die Alone [Link] Starring DMX [Link] and David Arquette [Link]
What was the last TV show or movie you watched? Still watching it.
What was the last thing you complained about? That *itchy girlfriend role. She does it good, but there were just too many cheap shots in 75 seconds.
Who was the last person you complimented and what did you say? So far.... it's alright.
What was the last thing you threw away? Water Bottle.
How am I feeling? Why? Alright.
Website Reco? Weather Pixie [Link] See mine up there?
Complete this: "The Weather Is..." Omigod it was the best weather this week! Just like Sunday! [Link] [Link]

---

My buddy just pointed me out at a pretty cool word, but with some pretty bad ramifications because now I want to see it done. (Again...)

What's the word? Defenestration. Here's the Definition

---

Well Lowbrow.Com is back (YIPPEE! HORRAY!) but before that happened ANOTHER Lowbrow happened to come out of the rampant abyss of Hades.

---

The natural morning alarm clock came from overhead and then there was light, because I awoke. Oh yeah, I got another toy for my sidebar.... Right below the babelfish translator and the weather report from hell. I'm gonna fill that up so much as time passes, it's gonna rock.

My Usual Self-Questionnaire.
What's playing? Radiohead - Just
What was the last TV show or movie you watched? Spartan A movie starring Val Kilmer... It was pretty good.
What was the last thing you complained about? Hmm... not sure.
Who was the last person you complimented and what did you say? Not sure again.
What was the last thing you threw away? Table scraps from breakfast.
How am I feeling? Why? I'm burning out, I can feel it. I need an evening of quality rest and relaxation.
Website Reco? Puppies [Link] You know how I linked to cats earlier? Yeah... now we got lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots of cute puppies. (You don't have to install the new language pack to view it.)
Complete this: "The Weather Is..." The lightning cracks woke me up. [Link] [Link]

---

Which Office Moron Are You?
Rum and Monkey: jamming your photocopier one tray at a time.

I had a good weekend. I overdid it again, witnessed a crime, drank one (or three) drinks too much, danced with all the wrong women. I'm so not a drinker. I'm a social drinker, but the problem is I get so darned social. I'd better wisen up pretty soon cuz this has happened way too many times in the same week. Usually I do that once every..... few months. But I got to watch a Chuck Norris movie while suffering through my hangover. It wasn't all that good, the only thing that kept me interested was a young Anne Archer. The movie was Good Guys Wear Black [Link] starring Chuck Norris [Link] and Anne Archer. [Link] [Link]

My Usual Self-Questionnaire.
What's playing? Korn - Counting On Me [Link] (Lyrics)
What was the last TV show or movie you watched? MXC [Link] The show by SpikeTV featuring Vic Romano and Kenny Blankenship. They crack me up.
What was the last thing you complained about? Oh... I was ranting and raving about little stuff earlier.
Who was the last person you complimented and what did you say? I thanked the person who unfortunately was standing there while I ranted and raved for being such a good sport and stayed in one spot to listen. I think I scared her, heheh.
What was the last thing you threw away? Food wrapper... yum... precooked chicken....
How am I feeling? Why? Not sure... I'm here... No particular mood happening right now. Just look up... I'm the I.T. Manager. We I.T. professionals have no feelings. Bwah-hahahahaha!!! (Evil isn't a feeling, right?)
Website Reco? 50 Coolest Websites [Link] Brought to you by Time Magazine.
Complete this: "The Weather Is..." Hot and partly cloudy [Link] [Link]

---