Ducharm's Axiom: If you view your problem closely enough you will recognize yourself as part of the problem.

Linkfest

• Pinball: Starsky & Hutch [Link] A Flash game from their official movie website.
• Clay Kitten Shooting. [Link] I'm addicted to Flash games.
• Look at this [Link] Then tell me, in a serious voice that, you're not drunk.
• Discovered: The "Perfect Joke" Formula [Link] Geeks rejoice.
• DIY monkey doll. [Link] From one pair of socks.
• Bug Me Not [Link] Are you sick and tired of registering for websites? Use this to bypass them all. It has a useful FireFox web browser extension and when I posted this, there were 7728 websites liberated. KEEP THE WEB FREE!!!
• Work Less Party [Link] My spidey sense is going wild and it is screaming "THEY'RE PROBABLY STONERS!!"
• The Reality of Running Away from Stuff [Link] No, you *CAN'T* outrun that rottweiler.
• 106 Science Claims and a Truckful of Baloney [Link] An article from Popular Science

My Usual Self-Questionnaire.
What's playing? Helloween - I Can [Link] (Lyrics) [Link] (Official Band Website)
What was the last TV show or movie you watched? Mmm.... Nothing since yesterday. My TV isn't used much. It's got no cable or satellite attached. Just a PS I and PS II [Link] (Playstation Official Website)
What was the last thing you complained about? Typical at-my-work-desk complaining, or more specifically: nagging coworkers.
Who was the last person you complimented and what did you say? I muttered under my breathe to someone especially demanding "wow, you sure shut up quick today" I doubt they heard me. No one can hear me. Hahah! I've the silent voice of mockery! (It took years to perfect)
What was the last thing you threw away? Empty, used envelopes.... I haven't been doing much since I got home from work.
How am I feeling? Why? Good. A bit tired, but otherwise pretty good.
Website Reco? Bill Clinton's Weblog [Link] It's called "Book My Life/A Memoir"
Complete this: "The Weather Is..." Schizophrenic. Sunny & windy... raining & calm... sunny... raining... calm... windy... dark... freakin' bright... Make up your mind MOTHER NATURE!!!

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Linkfest

• Installing Linux on a Dead Badger [Link] People keep telling me Linux is so easy to use... I guess they were right.
• Ontario [Link] A map. Hey! I can see my house!
• Random Word Generator [Link] Stuck for a word? Need something to adequately describe your day yet doesn't already have some other meaning? Look no further than the random word generator!
• The Nightmare Project [Link] "The why of the project is a bit harder to explain. We believe the nightmare, the "bad dream," is the distant scream of the deepest, most hidden recesses of the human psyche."
• Yummmm. [Link] Grilled deer meat.
• The Complete Edition of Murphy's Laws [Link] More like profound truths and cynical observations. My all-time favourite has to be Harvard's Law.
• CRAZY HOUSE - TIPPED OVER [Link] Where would I be without Strange Cosmos?
• SCANDAL: Victoria's Secret ...REVEALED? [Link] They have.... 3rd ARMS?
• the ultimate startpage [Link] "most elementary resources on the web"

My Usual Self-Questionnaire.
What's playing? Amorphis - Ethereal Solitude.
What was the last TV show or movie you watched? Uh... Discovery Channel stuff last night.
What was the last thing you threw away? *WAH-CHOO* snot rag.
How am I feeling? Why? Tired. But okay.
Complete this: "The Weather Is..." Jeez... it's always cloudy.

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First some alcohol jokes, then the Horror Movie Survival Guide. Enjoy - D.

The Different Degrees of a Hangover

One Star Hangover (*)
No pain. No real feeling of illness. You're able to function relatively well However, you are still parched. You can drink 5 sodas and still feel this way. For some reason, you are craving a steak & fries.

Two Star Hangover (**)
No pain, but something is definitely amiss. You may look okay, but you have the mental capacity of a staple gun. The coffee you are chugging is only increasing your rumbling gut, which is still tossing around the fruity pancake from the 3:00 AM Waffle House excursion. There is some definite havoc being wreaked upon your bowels.

Three Star Hangover (***)
Slight headache. Stomach feels crappy. You are definitely not productive. Anytime a girl walks by you gag because her perfume reminds you of the flavored schnapps shots your alcoholic friends dared you to drink. Life would be better right now if you were home in your bed watching Lucy reruns. You've had 4 cups of coffee, a gallon of water, 3 iced teas and a diet Coke --- yet you haven't pee'd once.

Four Star Hangover (****)
Life sucks. Your head is throbbing. You can't speak too quickly or else you might puke. Your boss has already lambasted you for being late and has given you a lecture for reeking of booze. You wore nice clothes, but that can't hide the fact that you only shaved one side of your face. (For the ladies, it looks like you put your make-up on while riding the bumper cars.) Your eyes look like one big red vein, and even your hair hurts. Your sphincter is in perpetual spasm, and the first of about five shits you take during the day brings water to the eyes of everyone who enters the bathroom.

Five Star Hangover (*****)
You have a second heartbeat in your head, which is actually annoying the employee who sits in the next cube. Vodka vapor is seeping out of every pore and making you dizzy. You still have toothpaste crust in the corners of your mouth from brushing your teeth in an attempt to get the remnants of the poop fairy out. Your body has lost the ability to generate saliva so your tongue is suffocating you. You don't have the foggiest idea who the hell the stranger was passed out in your bed this morning. Any attempt to defecate results in a fire hose like discharge of alcohol-scented fluid with a rare floater' thrown in. The sole purpose of this 'floater' seems to be to splash the toilet water all over your ass. Death sounds pretty good about right now...

THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:
Indubitably
Innovative
Preliminary
Proliferation
Cinnamon

THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:
Specifically
British Constitution
Passive-aggressive disorder
Loquacious Transubstantiate

THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:
Thanks, but I don't want to have sex
Nope, no more booze for me
Sorry, but you're not really my type
Good evening officer, isn't it lovely out tonight
Oh, I just couldn't. No one wants to hear me sing

The Horror Movie Survival Guide

• When it appears that you have killed the monster, never check to see if it's really dead.
• If you find that your house is built upon or near a cemetery, was once a church that was used for black masses, had previous inhabitants who went mad or committed suicide or died in some horrible fashion, or had inhabitants who performed necrophilia or satanic practices in your house move away immediately.
• Never read a book of demon summoning aloud, even as a joke.
• Do not search the basement, especially if the power has just gone out.
• If your children speak to you in Latin or any other language which they should not know, or if they speak to you using a voice which is other than their own, shoot them immediately. It will save you a lot of grief in the long run. NOTE: It will probably take several rounds to kill them, so be prepared.
• When you have the benefit of numbers, never pair off and go it alone.
• As a general rule, don't solve puzzles that open portals to Hell.
• Never stand in, on, above, below, beside, or anywhere near a grave, tomb, crypt, mausoleum, or other house of the dead.
• If you're searching for something which caused a noise and find out that it's just the cat, leave the room immediately if you value your life.
• If appliances start operating by themselves, move out.
• Do not take anything from the dead.
• If you find a town which looks deserted, it's probably for a reason. Take the hint and stay away.
• Don't fool with recombinant DNA technology unless you're sure you know what you are doing.
• If you're running from the monster, expect to trip or fall down at least twice, more if you are of the female persuasion. Also note that, despite the fact that you are running and the monster is merely shambling along, it's still moving fast enough to catch up with you.
• If your companions suddenly begin to exhibit uncharacteristic behavior such as hissing, fascination for blood, glowing eyes, increasing hairiness, and so on, get away from them as fast as possible.
• Stay away from certain geographical locations, some of which are listed here: Amityville, Elm Street, Transylvania, Nilbog (God help you if you recognize this one), the Bermuda Triangle, or any small town in Maine.
• If your car runs out of gas at night, do not go to the nearby deserted-looking house to phone for help.
• Beware of strangers bearing tools such as chainsaws, staple guns, hedge trimmers, electric carving knives, combines, lawnmowers, butane torches, soldering irons, band saws, or any device made from deceased companions.
• Listen closely to the soundtrack; and pay attention to the audience, since they are usually far more intelligent than you could ever hope to be.

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Hmm, I haven't posted since six days ago (Hi Amber! How ya doin?) I feel like I've been neglecting my poor blog. Oh well, here's some links and some other stuff - D.

Linkfest:

• Memorable Quotes from The Rocky Horror Picture Show [Link] Frank: Don't dream it, be it
• The Procrastination Paradox [Link] A provocative thesis regarding when your mind stops working...
• Drug Effects On Donald Duck [Link] My favourite one has to be peyote
• Sign Generator Page [Link] Tons of options
• This is what happens when you go on a 3-day business trip [Link] A thin coat of alien-protectant material known to prevent mind reading known as tin-foil is applied to your desk.
• The Exorcist in 30 Seconds [Link] (and Re-enacted by Bunnies) I love the how the ending music was done... so cuu-u-u-u-u-uute!
• Jail Cam [Link] It was only a matter of time.
• Bad Boeing 747 landing [Link] Old pic, but still an amazing one.
• Orisinal [Link] Small Flash Games
• CUSTOM CONDOMS FOR CORPORATIONS [Link] (From Stange Cosmos)
• Family Guy Quotes [Link] Pulp humour ROX!
• Sliding Puzzles [Link] Hit reload/refresh for a new one.
• To get ahead, try doing nothing [Link] Its a career advice website at BankRate.Com. Basically, all it says is "stop and think, you stupid busybody."
• FUTURAMA PANORAMAS [Link] I'm obviously a Matt Groening fan.
• This Wonderful Life [Link] A short film stuffed into 26.1 megabytes of video.
• 99 rooms [Link] A freakish flash game
• Giant Lava Lamp [Link] When they build it, tourists will come.
• That's so sad. [Link] Poor duck.
• Definitions of Words by Gender [Link] From Strange Cosmos. (I like that site.)
• ALCHOHOROSCOPES [Link] Also from Strange Cosmos.
• Funny Name 1 [Link] Chew harder... hehehe-EEWW
• Funny Name 2 [Link] Wah-hahahahaha, Barry it good!
• Funny Name 3 [Link] Look for the fourth attendee. She should meet Barry.

Is that enough for now? Yeah? Okay.

Yippee! I get the day off work because it's National Aboriginal Day. (or NDN Day as I've been calling it all day) Do you Native Americans have something like we do here in Canada? I dunno, I don't feel like looking it up. Laters, taters

My Usual Self-Questionnaire.
What's playing? Noooothing...
What was the last TV show or movie you watched? WHEEL!! OF!! FORTUUUNE!!!
What was the last thing you threw away? Table scraps from breakfast.
How am I feeling? Why? Good. Better than yesterday when I was hungover and exhausted. I slept for ten hours last night.
Complete this: "The Weather Is..." Cloudy... It's gonna be a good day.
Website Reco? What's Your Pokéname? [Link] My answers below

Your Pokéname is: Clechu
Profile: You live in the snowy valleys of Greenland, and your diet consists mostly of rocks, meatballs and nectar.
Characteristics: (Combat and Non-combat) You can spit kippers. You can shoot poison. You can throw sand. You can spit Mr. PiBB. You can puke broken glass. You have mallets for hands. You have a fear of Dr. Pepper. You can spit wind.
Natural Enemies: Snakewhirl.

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