Seeing as lowbrow.com is nearly dead. (They left a signpost page saying "out of money.") That leaves me without a guaranteed source of entertainment. But, I had saved some of the ones I wanted to post here. And here are some of them:

(1)
One thing I really loved about living in a trailer was when people would ask me where the bathroom was.

Where the hell do you think it is, through the foyer up the back stairs and third door on the left around the corner past the den? It's down the freaking hall, dumbass.

(2)
my friend was really drunk one night. and he was getting really hungry on the way home. its been 4 years since then, and he still says that his strawberry chapstick tasted good.

(3)
Sitting around in 4th grade sex ed we are doing the wonderful nameless question and answer time. Finally the teacher who we all know is getting some every night pulls the last question and reads:

"I've heard about guys with only 2 balls, is that possible?"

The immediate response is stunnd silence followed by a fingering of each guys crotch. The Teacher just stares at the sad child who left his name on the paper, before finally laughing so hard he had to go to the teachers room to put it on the bulletin board.

My Usual Self-Questionnaire.
What's playing? Soldier. The movie starring Kurt Russel. [Link] (Official Movie Website)
What was the last TV show or movie you watched? I'm still watching it.
What was the last thing you threw away? Those DAMN security seals that hold DVD cases closed when you first buy them.
How am I feeling? Why? Good. I'm watching a movie I like.

---

Multimedia Corner (A bad flashback to 1997)

• Warnings: Alcohol Consumption [Link] Oh man, I really need to review these before a night out on the town...
• Pong. [Link] Ping... Pong... That was out. No it wasnt! Yes! No! *SLAP* *PUNCH* etc...
• Dancing Spidey [Link] Who knew Tobey MacGuire could dance so good?
• The Ford Sportka Strikes. [Link] Curiosity killed the cat. Hehehe.... Don't lose your head, kitty.
• Ford SportKa Strikes Again [Link] This time a pigeon tries to poo on its windshield, but the Sportka has other ideas.

Thanks to The Void and Ford.

My Usual Self-Questionnaire.
What's playing? Dream Theatre = A Change of Seasons [Link] (Lyrics) [Link] (Band)
What was the last TV show or movie you watched? Pirates of the Caribbean [Link] (Official Movie Website)
What was the last thing you complained about? Long movie.
Who was the last person you complimented and what did you say? But good plot movement.
How am I feeling? Why? Sleepy. It's getting late.
Website Reco? Ransom Note Generator [Link] A quick time-saver on your way to a life sentence.
Complete this: "The Weather Is..." Nice and cool. The clouds are a nice touch this evening.

---

What does it feel like to have 1000 hits? I'm not sure. I'm not so sure all 1000 of them are my hits. I've had this blog up and running for the past 8 months and before that I had it running for at least one or two. I should have installed it long ago. I wonder what it would be at? Who knows... not me. I did install K-Net's counter, but.... BLEAH! I didn't want it. It seems to have only counted every page view, didn't have the ability to ignore my hits and showed every page reload/refresh. I wonder what made me install a counter? Oh yeah... I remembered my two year old Bravenet account password. Ahahah!

What else? Oh yeah. I'd like to point out the number of really, really, really, strange searches at Google [Link] (ca) [Link] (com) that seem to give me a whackload of hits and then there's my loyal readership. You guys are great, but you could comment a bit more!

Okay, where did my 1000th unique hit come from? From here: http://search.msn.com/pass/results.asp?RS=CHECKED&FORM=MSNH&v=1&&q=PEOPLE POSING DEAD&cp=1252
Do you see THAT? Someone went to http://search.msn.com and searched for PEOPLE POSING DEAD. And that's how people find me!

You're all VUNDERBAR! (and you scare me!)

A Personal Letter:

Dear Alcohol,

First & foremost, let me tell you that I'm a huge fan of yours. My friend, you always seem to be there when needed. The perfect post-work cocktail, a beer with the game, & you're even around in the holidays hidden inside chocolates as you warm us when we're stuck in the midst of endless family gatherings. Yet lately I've been wondering about your intentions. While I want to believe that you have my best interests at heart, I feel that your influence has led to some unwise consequences, briefed below for your review.

1. Phone calls: While I agree with you that communication is important, I question the suggestion that any conversation of substance or necessity takes place after 2 a.m. Why would you make me call those ex-girlfriends when I know for a fact they do not want to hear from me during the day, let alone all hours of the night?

2. Eating: Now, you know I love a good meal but why do you suggest that I eat a kabob with chili sauce, along with a big Italian hoagie & some stale chips (washed down with chocolate Nesquik & topped off with a Kit Kat all after a few cheese curls & chili cheese fries)? Eclectic eater I am, but I think you went too far this time.

3. Clumsiness: Unless you're subtly trying to tell me that I need to do more yoga to improve my balance, I see NO need to hammer the issue home by causing me to fall down, it's completely unnecessary. The black & blue marks that appear on my body mysteriously the next day is beyond me. Similarly, it should never take me more than 45 seconds to get the front door key into the lock.

4. Pictures: This can be a blessing in disguise, as it can often clarify the last point below, but the following costumes are banned from ever being placed on my head in public again: Indian wigs, sombreros, bows, ties, boxes, upside-down cups, inflatable balloon animals, traffic cones, or bras. Also, what is with you making me take pictures with people I clearly don't like when I'm sober. Yet they suddenly become my best friends when a flash is presented?

5. Beer Goggles: If I think I may know him/her from somewhere, I most likely do not. Please do not request that I go over & see if in fact, I do actually know that person. The phrase "Let's F***" is illegal from now on. While I may be thinking this, please reinstate the brain-to-mouth-block that would stop this thought from becoming a statement, especially in public. Please stop me from talking to the guy/girl with the crooked teeth; acned-up face; bad breath, beer belly, etc. Why are they so appealing to me while I'm with you & why are they so disgusting to me the next morning after you have worn off??

6. Furthermore: The hangovers have GOT to stop. This is getting ridiculous. I know a little penance for our previous evening's debauchery may be in order, but the 3 p.m -hangover immobility is completely unacceptable. My entire day is shot. I ask that, if the proper precautions are taken (water, vitamin B, bread products, aspirin) prior to going to bed/passing out facedown on the kitchen floor with a bag of popcorn, the hangover should be minimal & in no way interfere with my daily Saturday or Sunday (or any day for that matter) activities.

Alcohol, I have enjoyed our friendship for some years now & would like to ensure that we remain on good terms. You've been the invoker of great stories, the provocation for much laughter, and the needed companion when I just don't know what to do with the extra money in my pockets. In order to continue this friendship, I ask that you carefully review my grievances above & address them immediately. I will look for an answer no later than Thursday 3pm(pre-happy hour) on your possible solutions & hopefully we can continue this fruitful partnership.

Thank you from your biggest fan.

(Letter found at strangecosmos.com, I copied it to here because they obviously copied it from somewhere else.)

Linkfest:

• #chat stats page [Link] I chat there.
• 100% Chillin [Link] Looks interesting... Not much for me though, but I did pick up that nifty chinese zodiac sheep up above.
• Make Your Own Movie Online! [Link] It looks easy to use!
• Modern Living [Link] Very... kitsch. And... highbrow. Quite... mundane. Yet... artistic.
• PENCIL CARVING [Link] Woah...
• Carved and Painted Toothpicks [Link] Double woah...
• The Game Of Three Dimensional Eight Level Chess [Link] Hey... I played this once. I got my @$$ BEAT like a mofo!
• Wanna play catch? [Link] Flash is required.
• The Void [Link] When you browse around on the web, you find all sorts of random interesting things. Eventually these things will move or disappear. That's why this directory exists.
• Petals Around the Rose [Link] It's funny how it says "smarter people take a much longer time to solve it." And, I still can't get it!
• Strange Airplane Announcements [Link] From Strange Cosmos. You're welcome.
• AMAZING LIGHTNING STRIKE IN KANSAS [Link] Ooo... pretty.

My Usual Self-Questionnaire.
What's playing? Amorphis - My Kantele Lyrics: [Link]
Who was the last person you complimented and what did you say? My supervisor at work. I let her know she had some impressive ideas about some changes at work.
What was the last thing you threw away? Grape branches. I had some grapes at a coworker's desk before leaving work for the day.
How am I feeling? Why? Stoked.... HOCKEY! HOCKEY! HOCKEY!

GO FLAMES

---

Well I think I'm gonna pass 1000 unique visitors today (Not counting returning visitors, reloads or myself) That's pretty cool. It's taken a while, since April 27, and I've learned some things along the way:

• My website turns up in some pretty odd searches
• I have a loyal readership of... 20 people or so
• My bookmarks file is really bigger than I think it is.
• Always... really. It's huge.
• Blogging is best done sober
• Drunken blog entries are freakin' hilarious
• And always require re-editing afterwards

My Usual Self-Questionnaire.
What's playing? Amorphis - Far From The Sun
What was the last TV show or movie you watched? Frontiers of Construction, last night.
What was the last thing you complained about? Mosquitos were out in full force last night.
Who was the last person you complimented and what did you say? My friend Vern, he nearly got the entire front end pulled out in three hours by himself. I said "wow, cool."
What was the last thing you threw away? Razor blade.
How am I feeling? Why? Doing fine. I hope the rest of the day is like this. It's MONDAY!!!
Website Reco? Today, try doing nothing [Link] A career article from someone too busy to stop and think, like we all should do sometimes to refocus our energies and prioritize our lives. Bleah! This article basically says you need to find some time to do some quality thinking. She's a little unclear about what quality thinking is though. But the end result is always some sort of improvement in some part of her life.
Complete this: "The Weather Is..." Rainy, a thunderstorm is predicted this afternoon. It's gonna be awesome. I love the rain.

That's all for now, later.

---

My Usual Self-Questionnaire.
What's playing? Marilyn Manson - Highway to Hell.
What was the last TV show or movie you watched? Some UFO exposition, the usual paranoid thing where "researchers" are going in 50 years after the wreck and find "inconclusive" evidence and/or no evidence at all. I didn't finish watching it.
What was the last thing you complained about? Stupid UFO researchers.
Who was the last person you complimented and what did you say? The marvelous level of stupidity to allow an hour-long show to be made about something like that. That person must be very funny when drunk.
What was the last thing you threw away? Tea bag. *sip*
Website Reco? Quicktime Movie: Cat With Hands [Link] A freaky little story about a dream a guy had. Or did he?
Complete this: "The Weather Is..." Cool & Cloudy. Good weather, it's warm and not too sunny.
How am I feeling? Why? I'm feeling very disturbed at the moment. There's this website (https://shareyourexperiences.com) that sent me an e-mail that stated:

Someone who knows you is trying to share experiences and
opinions about you via our website.

The purpose of this email is to inform you that a posting has been
made about you at our website. This is email is not commercial in
nature.

So I took the bait and visited there, but not before checking out all of its Verisign and Hackersafe buttons. It looked okay... but now remains the question. Who would be sharing experiences about my email address and what did the say? Hmm:

Author Membership ID Number: M0010686 <-WHAT IS THAT?
Request Type: I HAVE INFORMATION
How Well Does Author Know Subject: WELL
Author's Relationship To Subject: DECLINE TO STATE
When Did Author's Experience Occur?: CURRENT

WTF? WHO SAID THAT? STFU!
I know, I know. Total hypocrite. Why would I want my privacy at that website when I have a knet domain with my legal name on it? Dammit, even after getting a membership there to see that information, I don't even know who posted it or what they posted. Whomever you are: STFU!

A hello: HI NITA!!

---