As Twisted By Dave

Thursday, May 27, 2004

"A story, ideas and a really bad nerd joke."

{ posted at 5/27/2004 08:40:46 PM by Spook | }

One day, a friend and I were fishing off the shores of Deception Lake. (Deception Bay? I can't recall)
Anyway, it was getting dark, we were fishing in the rain and he went off somewhere to get something from the truck. I, in the meantime, got a snag and lost my minnow. So, i went to get another one in the shallow pail, which was placed beside an tree stump.
At the same moment, my friend was returning. When he gets within earshot he tells he's lucky he wasn't stoned otherwise he would have been really freaked out. I asked him why.
He says he saw me moving my hands back and forth around the tree stump. He forgot the minnows were there and thought I was petting some sort of animal, maybe a big cat or lynx.

Ideas.

Hey! I got an idea: Let's invite Hilton to open up a hotel here in Sioux Lookout and count how many weeks before it becomes a dive.
Drawing upon my great wisdom of communication and using the english language, I would say nothing.
There are four kinds of homicide: felonious, excusable, justifiable, and praiseworthy ... - Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"

This is such a nerd/programmer joke... and I laughed.

run xmas.exe

better !pout !cry
better watchout
lpr why
santa claus town

cat /etc/passwd >list
ncheck list
ncheck list
cat list | grep naughty >nogiftlist
cat list | grep nice >giftlist
santa claus town

who | grep sleeping
who | grep awake
who | egrep 'bad|good'
for (goodness sake) {
be good

"don't ask where i found this"

{ posted at 5/27/2004 08:38:28 PM by Spook | }

Because I can't remember - D.

Beautiful Eyes
(by dsoul}

Standing there by the corner;
You light up my fire
With mystery and delight.
If I could light a thousand candles
For you tonight,
I will pray to the heavens
That you never leave my sight.

"I don't know..."

{ posted at 5/27/2004 08:36:14 PM by Spook | }

I'm just gonna do a bunch of posts tonight - D.

Lowbrow Moment
the thing about llamas is they try to act all aloof and docile, but they can't stand having unknown persons within a certain perimeter. they seem to have a preternatural ability to detect when this barrier has been breached, at which point the llama bounds off in an arbitrary direction. you can walk right towards one and it seems to look through you with its big, glossy eyes, even if you run full speed at it, until you come within a certain distance and it calmly panics, feet slipping like a cartoon and trying to pretend it was planning on running over there all along.

the llama: nature's random number generator.

Wednesday, May 26, 2004

"Lowbrow Moment ver 05-26-2004"

{ posted at 5/26/2004 09:09:54 PM by Spook | }

(Note: Lowbrow is going down on the 31st *sad*)

working for an activist citizens group of mostly vegans and veganwannabes i inevitably walked in with a meatball sub not being aware of my compatriots views on the sacred cow

do you know how much energy it takes to grow the grain and feed to make that cow grow to the point that it becomes the ground beef blahblahblah

i know these guys they all have immaculate lawns do you know how much energy it takes to grow your freaking lawn i have always wanted to say but instead i say

my eyes are in front and i have opposable thumbs which says

predator

and so

everything

including you

is on the menu

then the silence and the horrified looks

ah

the top of the food chain

Murphy's Discovery:
Do you know Presidents talk to the country the way men talk to women?
They say, "Trust me, go all the way with me, and everything will be all right."
And what happens? Nine months later, you're in trouble!

Meme: Fear Factor II...
Answers by my friend Amanda:
1. What was one of your childhood fears?
leeches
2. Do you still have that fear?
yes
3. Did you think any of your childhood fears were silly?
no
4. What's the silliest fear/phobia you've ever heard of?
dont know
5. Currently, do you have any fears? If so, what are they?
falling in love

Linkfest:
I got an odd mix this time, even for me - D.

Dream Catcher Gallery of the Seventh Fire [Link] Area dreamcatcher makers should be so talented.
Poetry 180 [Link] I know I linked to a page at this website before, but this link is deserved.
The Indigenous Circle [Link] Looks like a cobweb.... still lots to sort through though.
Sandy Lake First Nation [Link] Homepage of my home. Check out the Rez Peasant
Which member of Tri-Lam are you? [Link] Check out my answer below. I'm not surprised.
Missouri Trailer Trash [Link] I'm sorry, I had to. The lameness of it forced me to. I used to live in a place like one of these.
Science Hobbyist: Do This Now. [Link] For the inner-child in you. For example:

"Weird Levitating Arms"
Place your hands at your sides with your palms facing inward (towards your legs). Find a door way and stand in the middle of it. Extend your arms away from you body so that the back of your hands contact the sides of the door jamb. Press your arms outward like you are trying to make the doorway wider. Do this until you can't do it any longer, then quit. Walk away from the doorway and your arms will float up on their own with no effort at all. It is kinda wierd feeling. Have fun!
(I found this one submitted by a visitor quite far down the page - D.)

My Usual Self-Questionnaire.
What's playing? Our Lady Peace - Is Anybody Home? Band: [Link] Lyrics: [Link]
What was the last TV show or movie you watched? We Were Soldiers [Link]
What was the last thing you complained about? Bleah! My nieces and I were arguing over getting something done.
Who was the last person you complimented and what did you say? My nieces stuck through to the end of that long, boring task. Even if they did start up their Nintendo and played a few games. I don't blame them, it took us an hour to copy all their stuff off my brother's computer.
What was the last thing you threw away? I'm not sure, I think I tossed a bottle into a recycling bin. Does that count?
How am I feeling? Why? Mildly depressed. Weather-related reasons. It's rainy and it was snowing again.
Complete this: "The Weather Is..." Depressing.

I am...

You're rude and crude and probably are constantly picking your nose. You're not very picky when it comes to your women, as long as you get to the "muff." You probably spend a lot of your time focusing on drugs and/or alcohol and this is what life is about as far as you're concerned.

Which nerd are you???

Tuesday, May 25, 2004

"You got jokes...."

{ posted at 5/25/2004 08:40:36 AM by Spring | }

Have a Coke and a Smile.....

Two Crees boarded a flight out of Winnipeg. One sat in the window seat and the other in the middle seat. Just before takeoff a Blackfoot got on and took the aisle seat next to the two Crees. The Blackfoot kicked off his moccasins, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the Cree in the window seat said, "I think I'll get up and get a Coke."

"No problem" said the Blackfoot, "I'm in the aisle seat, I'll get it for you!" While he was gone, one of the Cree picks up the Blackfoot guy's moccasin and spits in it. When he returned with the Coke, the other Cree said, "That looks good, I think I'll have one too." Again, the Blackfoot said "Not a problem" and while he was gone the other Cree picks up the other moccasin and spits in it.

The Blackfoot returned and they all sat back and enjoyed the rest of the flight. As the plane was landing, the Blackfoot slipped his feet into his moccasins and knew immediately what had happened. "My brothers, how long must this go on?" the Blackfoot asked. "This fighting between our tribes? This Hatred? This animosity? This spitting in moccasins and peeing in Cokes?"

Sunday, May 23, 2004

"Victoria Day is on Monday."

{ posted at 5/23/2004 10:33:13 AM by Spook | }

It's like a "get off work free" card.

I hope the weather continues as it is right now. It's been threatening to rain since Friday but hasn't yet. Here's some Victoria Day-related links:
Victoria Day [Link] By Canadian Heritage [Link]
Annie's "Victoria Day" Page [Link] Annie's done a good job with this Canadian Holiday.
Happy Victoria Day [Link] A lot of related links. Some of them don't make sense though.

Don't tell me I'm burning the candle at both ends!
Tell me where to get more wax!

Lowbrow Moment:
A Cheetah is the fastest animal on land
Okay, I'll buy that.

There are over 250,000,000 americans today.
Okay, I'll buy that.

A Computer can perform billions of operations a second.
Okay, I'll buy that.

"Careful sir, the plate's hot."
Let me investigate this one myself.

Time for a meme:

1. Grab the nearest book.
2. Open the book to page 23.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the text of the sentence in your journal along with these instructions.

He made a small fire and sitting near it he said that if he found a person bowed down with grief such as his was that he would mourn with him and try to comfort him.

Linkfest:

GNU Win CD 2 [Link] Download free programs from the disc, from their online sources.
Dave's Quick Search Taskbar [Link] A search toolbar that goes in your Windows deskbar.
Cyber Paperboy's Reference Desk [Link] At first it didn't look like anything special, but then I scrolled down...
Google Blaster [Link] Enter multiple queries and get multiple results with just one click!
Art Gallery of Ontario [Link] You'll need Flash
jill/txt's final version of weblog definition [Link] For those who still wonder.
Steal These Buttons: [Link] Kind of like blogstickers. But smaller.
Bizarre Crime in Japan [Link] Some of it is pretty disturbing.

My Usual Self-Questionnaire.
What's playing? RA - Do You Call My Name? Lyrics: [Link] Official Band Page: [Link]
What was the last TV show or movie you watched? I watched parts of the movie Gerry. One guy was stuck on top of a rock.
What was the last thing you complained about? Gerry's story seemed to move a little slow.
Who was the last person you complimented and what did you say? Matt Damon used to be a good screenwriter...
What was the last thing you threw away? I tore my view away from Gerry
How am I feeling? Why? I need to sneeze
Website Reco? The Random Surrealism Generator [Link] See below
Complete this: "The Weather Is..." Partly cloudy with a mild wind but strong gusts.