Murphy's Discovery:
Don't tell me I'm burning the candle at both ends!
Your conscience never stops you from doing anything. Hartley's First Law:
In case of injury contact your supervisor immediately.
A fanatic is one who can't change his mind How many computer cpu's does it take to execute a job?
One day, a friend and I were fishing off the shores of Deception Lake. (Deception Bay? I can't recall)
Anyway, it was getting dark, we were fishing in the rain and he went off somewhere to get something from the truck. I, in the meantime, got a snag and lost my minnow. So, i went to get another one in the shallow pail, which was placed beside an tree stump.
At the same moment, my friend was returning. When he gets within earshot he tells he's lucky he wasn't stoned otherwise he would have been really freaked out. I asked him why.
He says he saw me moving my hands back and forth around the tree stump. He forgot the minnows were there and thought I was petting some sort of animal, maybe a big cat or lynx.
Ideas.
This is such a nerd/programmer joke... and I laughed.
run xmas.exe
better !pout !cry
better watchout
lpr why
santa claus
cat /etc/passwd >list
ncheck list
ncheck list
cat list | grep naughty >nogiftlist
cat list | grep nice >giftlist
santa claus
who | grep sleeping
who | grep awake
who | egrep 'bad|good'
for (goodness sake) {
be good
Because I can't remember - D.
Beautiful Eyes
(by dsoul}
Standing there by the corner;
You light up my fire
With mystery and delight.
If I could light a thousand candles
For you tonight,
I will pray to the heavens
That you never leave my sight.
I'm just gonna do a bunch of posts tonight - D.
Lowbrow Moment
the thing about llamas is they try to act all aloof and docile, but they can't stand having unknown persons within a certain perimeter. they seem to have a preternatural ability to detect when this barrier has been breached, at which point the llama bounds off in an arbitrary direction. you can walk right towards one and it seems to look through you with its big, glossy eyes, even if you run full speed at it, until you come within a certain distance and it calmly panics, feet slipping like a cartoon and trying to pretend it was planning on running over there all along.
the llama: nature's random number generator.
(Note: Lowbrow is going down on the 31st *sad*)
working for an activist citizens group of mostly vegans and veganwannabes i inevitably walked in with a meatball sub not being aware of my compatriots views on the sacred cow
do you know how much energy it takes to grow the grain and feed to make that cow grow to the point that it becomes the ground beef blahblahblah
i know these guys they all have immaculate lawns do you know how much energy it takes to grow your freaking lawn i have always wanted to say but instead i say
my eyes are in front and i have opposable thumbs which says
predator
and so
everything
including you
is on the menu
then the silence and the horrified looks
ah
the top of the food chain
Do you know Presidents talk to the country the way men talk to women?
They say, "Trust me, go all the way with me, and everything will be all right."
And what happens? Nine months later, you're in trouble!
Answers by my friend Amanda:
1. What was one of your childhood fears?
leeches
2. Do you still have that fear?
yes
3. Did you think any of your childhood fears were silly?
no
4. What's the silliest fear/phobia you've ever heard of?
dont know
5. Currently, do you have any fears? If so, what are they?
falling in love
Linkfest:
I got an odd mix this time, even for me - D.
"Weird Levitating Arms"
Place your hands at your sides with your palms facing inward (towards your legs). Find a door way and stand in the middle of it. Extend your arms away from you body so that the back of your hands contact the sides of the door jamb. Press your arms outward like you are trying to make the doorway wider. Do this until you can't do it any longer, then quit. Walk away from the doorway and your arms will float up on their own with no effort at all. It is kinda wierd feeling. Have fun!
(I found this one submitted by a visitor quite far down the page - D.)
My Usual Self-Questionnaire.
What's playing? Our Lady Peace - Is Anybody Home? Band: [Link] Lyrics: [Link]
What was the last TV show or movie you watched? We Were Soldiers [Link]
What was the last thing you complained about? Bleah! My nieces and I were arguing over getting something done.
Who was the last person you complimented and what did you say? My nieces stuck through to the end of that long, boring task. Even if they did start up their Nintendo and played a few games. I don't blame them, it took us an hour to copy all their stuff off my brother's computer.
What was the last thing you threw away? I'm not sure, I think I tossed a bottle into a recycling bin. Does that count?
How am I feeling? Why? Mildly depressed. Weather-related reasons. It's rainy and it was snowing again.
Complete this: "The Weather Is..." Depressing.
You're rude and crude and probably are constantly picking your nose. You're not very picky when it comes to your women, as long as you get to the "muff." You probably spend a lot of your time focusing on drugs and/or alcohol and this is what life is about as far as you're concerned.
Which nerd are you???
Have a Coke and a Smile.....
Two Crees boarded a flight out of Winnipeg. One sat in the window seat and the other in the middle seat. Just before takeoff a Blackfoot got on and took the aisle seat next to the two Crees. The Blackfoot kicked off his moccasins, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the Cree in the window seat said, "I think I'll get up and get a Coke."
"No problem" said the Blackfoot, "I'm in the aisle seat, I'll get it for you!" While he was gone, one of the Cree picks up the Blackfoot guy's moccasin and spits in it. When he returned with the Coke, the other Cree said, "That looks good, I think I'll have one too." Again, the Blackfoot said "Not a problem" and while he was gone the other Cree picks up the other moccasin and spits in it.
The Blackfoot returned and they all sat back and enjoyed the rest of the flight. As the plane was landing, the Blackfoot slipped his feet into his moccasins and knew immediately what had happened. "My brothers, how long must this go on?" the Blackfoot asked. "This fighting between our tribes? This Hatred? This animosity? This spitting in moccasins and peeing in Cokes?"
It's like a "get off work free" card.
I hope the weather continues as it is right now. It's been threatening to rain since Friday but hasn't yet. Here's some Victoria Day-related links:
Victoria Day [Link] By Canadian Heritage [Link]
Annie's "Victoria Day" Page [Link] Annie's done a good job with this Canadian Holiday.
Happy Victoria Day [Link] A lot of related links. Some of them don't make sense though.
Tell me where to get more wax!
A Cheetah is the fastest animal on land
Okay, I'll buy that.
There are over 250,000,000 americans today.
Okay, I'll buy that.
A Computer can perform billions of operations a second.
Okay, I'll buy that.
"Careful sir, the plate's hot."
Let me investigate this one myself.
Time for a meme:
1. Grab the nearest book.
2. Open the book to page 23.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the text of the sentence in your journal along with these instructions.
He made a small fire and sitting near it he said that if he found a person bowed down with grief such as his was that he would mourn with him and try to comfort him.
Linkfest:
My Usual Self-Questionnaire.
What's playing? RA - Do You Call My Name? Lyrics: [Link] Official Band Page: [Link]
What was the last TV show or movie you watched? I watched parts of the movie Gerry. One guy was stuck on top of a rock.
What was the last thing you complained about? Gerry's story seemed to move a little slow.
Who was the last person you complimented and what did you say? Matt Damon used to be a good screenwriter...
What was the last thing you threw away? I tore my view away from Gerry
How am I feeling? Why? I need to sneeze
Website Reco? The Random Surrealism Generator [Link] See below
Complete this: "The Weather Is..." Partly cloudy with a mild wind but strong gusts.
Hmm... Sounds like something Beaker used to say [Link] (Omigod that's disturbing... there's a link on that page to "Dress Miss Piggy")
It just stops you from enjoying it.
Answers by my friend Amanda:
1. Do you believe that a guy and a girl can be just friends?
yes
2. Do you have more guy friends than girl friends?
kinda
3. Do you get along better with guys or girls?
both
4. Have you ever fallen for a friend?
maybe
5. Is your best friend a guy or a girl?
both, I've got two best friends
You can lead a horse to water, but if you can get him
to float on his back, you've got something.
On my way home on a dark, overcast night I happen to look at my apartment building from afar. The front door is open and the foyer light is on. It immediately reminds me of the door from the original Twilight Zone... This kinda freaked me out cuz... well... I'm easily spooked when I'm sleepy and have had a few beers.
Links on the subject of The Twilight Zone, television and radio, old & new series: [Link] [Link] [Link] [Link] [Link]
strong>My Usual Self-Questionnaire.
What's playing? Static-X - The Only [Link] [Link]
What was the last TV show or movie you watched? The Simpsons [Link]
What was the last thing you complained about? The Simpsons are rarely on when I watch. The seaon finale is even this weekend on sunday.
Who was the last person you complimented and what did you say? I'm glad The Simpsons is on. Yay CBC. [Link]
What was the last thing you threw away? Dinner scraps. Bones and skin from boiled chicken. Mmmm... chickennn...
How am I feeling? Why? Mmmm... chickennn...
Complete this: "The Weather Is..." Rainy. Cloudy. Dreary. But I'm not letting that get me down. I'm going out to play in the rain later on with a fishing rod, a lure, and try and get a fish to play with me.
Just follow the instructions and put your name in the comments box. Thanx!
This only takes a minute. Please don't be a bore and ruin it. Send it onto everyone you know including the person that sent it to you.
Take that rez name and have a ceremony.... Follow the instructions to find your new name. Once you have your new name, put it in the Subject box and forward it to friends and family and co-workers. Don't forget to forward it back to the person who sent it to you, so they know you participated.
Thee following in an excerpt from a children's book,"Captain Underpants. And the Perilous Plot of Professor Poopypants" by Dave Pilkey.
The evil Professor forces everyone to assume new names...
The third letter of your first name to determine your new first name.
a = Bad
c = Honey Girl
d = Sonny Girl
e = Pro-peesha
f = Guadalupe
g = Margareet
h = Ju-Ju
i = Chim-chim
j = Tanka
k = Vandalia
l = Kurtie
m = Bumqueesha
n = Zoochie
o = Chompy
p = Alowish
q = Slim
r = Lupita
s = FALEESHA
t = Fondalia
u = Mogadeesha
v = Laqueefa
w = Shawnie
x = Rhoda
y = Chi-Chi
z = LachicaUse the second letter of your last name to determine the first half of your new last name:
a = Ten
b = Spotted
c = Windy
d = Walking
e = Fancy
f = Dancing
g = Running
h = Stink
i = Crazy
j = Loose
k = Purple
l = Wandering
m = Staggering
n = Choppy
o = Whispering
p = White
q = Jealous
r = Sad
s = Knocking
t = Arogant
u = Pickled
v = Quivering
w = Misunderstood
x = Stinky
y = Ronchy
z = WeepingUse the fourth letter of your last name to determine the second half of your new last name:
a = Eagle plume
b = Shawl dancer
c = Weasel tail
d = Husky bear
e = Eagle staff
f = Porqupine quill
g = Horse tail
h = Crusted Beak
i = Cheezy lips
j = Weasel Bear
k = Laughing Circle
l = Pumpkin seed
m = Tail Feather
n = Turtle dove
o = Bushy face woman
p = Dancing praire dog
q = Quivering ghost bear
r = Spotted horn
s = Turtle horse
t = peach
u = turtle horn
v = Peach feather
w = Cat dog
x = With a fist
y = With a stick
z = spotted dove
-Perfect- You're the perfect girlfriend. Which
means you're rare or that you cheated :P You're
the kind of chick that can hang out with your
boyfriend's friends and be silly. You don't
care about presents or about going to fancy
placed. Hell, just hang out. You're just happy
being around your boyfriend.
What Kind of Girlfriend Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
This is me. What are you Dave? *smirk*
lol...Oh kay no really.
You're a Garbage Pail Kid!! You're dirty, foul,
disgusting, and wrong. But you're still funny
as hell.
What childhood toy from the 80s are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
My Usual Self-Questionnaire.
What's playing? SoulFly - Fly High [Link] [Link]
What was the last TV show or movie you watched? Um... Internet TV... I forget what it was but it was quite undistinguishable from insanity.
What was the last thing you complained about? My niece took off without telling us where she went last night.
Who was the last person you complimented and what did you say? My other niece for being so concerned about her sister.
What was the last thing you threw away? Hmm... a couple packets of equal for my morning tea. [Link]
How am I feeling? Why? Well... usually I don't agree with the salutation "good morning," but right now, I would.
Complete this: "The Weather Is..." Looks to be a good day. Sunny, warm, not too windy. I think I may go for another bike ride after work again today.
(either leave your answers or a link to your webpage with your responses.)
Would you rather:
Dave's answers:
(S)he will kiss it better.
Get an evil URL! http://evilurl.com/HELLBURGERpuke now points to: http://davidmorris.myknet.org
"As HELLBURGERpuke by Dave?" Um... no.
Do not use if you're not legally allowed to see lots and LOTS of swear words.
Earlier I indicated that I'd post some pics of my bike ride with every intention of doing so. I left for my ride with my camera, extra batteries, a notepad, my pen, my CD Player and my poor, sore legs. As I biked across town, happily I might add, towards the highway and Umfreville Trail I wondered what I'd photograph that I hadn't already photographed before. Where would I find something, anything, original? I dismissed the negative thoughts and rode on.
As I rode leisurely towards Frog Rapids Bridge I let my mind wander, exploring possible ideas when I finally decided that I'd take photographs of the entire trail as I rode back. I took 44 pictures and posted them on Fortune City. But before you click on the link, be warned that it's a 2.04 megabyte download. Not long on my cable connection, but hell on 56k modems. It's okay on office LAN's but I don't think this blog is very safe for work-time viewing as I include a lot of time-wasting material on here.
Ride Mini-Diary:
1 - I'm glad I brought extra batteries for the camera. I'm not sure how long these ones will last.
2 - I'm glad I brought my CD Player, the passing cars aren't very entertaining to listen to. *VRRROOOOoooooomm....* *momentary silence before the next vehicle comes*
3 - Heheh, dogs sure get quite spooked when they don't notice you've rode up right behind them. "That's two dog years off your life 'Poochy!' OMIGOD! What is that? HAHAHA I scared the POO out of him! HAHAHAHAHAHAA...."
4 - I just passed my cousin Eartha. I looked like she's just starting so I said "HAAAAaaaa... BEATchyaaa!" She liked that little joke. I think I'll e-mail her this link tommorrow at work. She'll enjoy the pictures.
Leave any comments you like, but nothing about me possibly being an obsessive compulsive. That's SO unoriginal. I once heard some guy took a picture every thirty seconds for a whole twenty-four hours! That's 2880 pictures! I only took picutres for less than five kilometres.
I was thinking about updating my about page and trying more ideas I've had when I realised I'm completely addicted to blogging. It's as bad as my writing and drawing obsessions when I was a teenager. I'd write and draw anything and everything anywhere. They never could stay in their designated notebooks or sketchpads as I would have liked them to do. They appeared in my school notes, on margins of books I read and even (I'm ashamed to say) as grafitti. Hmm...
At least it's making for a pretty good blog.
Would this count as performance art? Or literature? A mix of both?
What's playing? Audioslave - Like a Stone [Link] [Link]
What was the last TV show or movie you watched? Um... dunno.
What was the last thing you complained about? Um... dunno.
Who was the last person you complimented and what did you say? "Nice going" to a coworker discovering new on-the-job talents.
What was the last thing you threw away? Banana peel, an after-work snack before I head out for a bike ride. I'm taking my camera and will post a couple pix later tonight.
How am I feeling? Why? Good. I had a good day at work and this good day keeps on keepin' on.
Complete this: "The Weather Is..." Sunny with a bit of wind.
I've been meaning to post this for quite some time now.
The Myknet.org user list, sorted by first name. The entire list. Over 8000 of them, 1 of them me.Sorted by first name by letter, alphabetically: a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o p q r s t u v w x y z Or by last name: The entire list: or by letter: a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o p q r s t u v w x y z
And then, there's this neat little list, the last updated list.
That took me a long time...
and won't change the subject. - Winston Churchill
Answers by my friend Amanda:
1. What is your favorite letter of the alphabet?
eeeee (Canadian version of the American 'aaaaay')
2. What is your favorite word?
aye
3. Name a word that you associate with yourself!
ever sad
4. Make up your own word!
soweskachgago
5. Give an explanation to the just made-up word!
what?
4, 3 to hold it down and 1 to rip its head off.
So I was reading an online article about how television may "rewire" the brains of children, causing them to have shorter attention spans. "Interesting" I thought, as I exited the window after having only read the first few lines.
I think they might be right.
I've been playing Onimusha 2 all morning. [Link] Hmm... I just searched for that link and only now found out how many cheat codes and walk-throughs there are. Hah... stupid me. I am so not a cheater... oh well. On I go into the darkness filled world of demons. Even Jubei's mom is a demon.
Yes I am a nerd!
My Blogger Code: B4 d t k+ s+ u-- f i- o x++ e l c
After years... I finally got my blogger code.
Linkfest: Okay, I've got a nice mix of TEN links here. Some high-brow, some low-brow, some smart, some dumb. Some gold, some... aluminum? Here goes:
My Usual Self-Questionnaire.
What's playing? Metallica - My Friend of Misery
What was the last TV show or movie you watched? Top Tens on Discovery. The show's list was technological disasters.
What was the last thing you complained about? Yesterday's hangover and tiredness.
Who was the last person you complimented and what did you say? I don't remember... was too tired to notice anything not directly in front of me.
What was the last thing you threw away? Gum wrapper.
How am I feeling? Why? Bored-ish. I plan to fix that with this post and some other stuff later on.
Complete this: "The Weather Is..." Sunny.. .looks too freaking bright to go out from my shadowy room. Oh yeah, almost all that snow that fell a few days ago is almost gone. The sun is melting it like butter on a hot pan.
We had that snowstorm earlier this week. (Yes, it's May 14!) The landscape seems to have oddly lowered quite a few centimetres. I admit I had quite a time trying to wrap my head around the cause, but a few bottles of beer [Link] fixed it: I now know why!
The snow-covered landscape was higher a few days ago because the snow had four or five centimetres of ice-cold water to float atop of. But now, all that water has drained into local lakes.
Yay! for drunken logic!
Whaddaya think? Leave a comment - Dave.
This comes from an authentic Canadian woman!
Three men were sitting together bragging about how they had set their new wives straight on their duties. The first man had married a woman from Pennsylvania and bragged that he had told his wife she was going to do all the dishes and house cleaning that needed done at their house. He said that it took a couple days but on the third day he came home to a clean house and the dishes were all washed and put away.
The second man had married a woman from the West Indies and had given his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes, and cooking. He told them that the first day he didn't see any results, but the next day it was better. By the third day, his house was clean, the dishes were done, and he had a huge dinner on the table.
The third man had married a Canadian girl. He boasted that he told her his house was to be cleaned, dishes washed, the cooking done and laundry washed. On the first day he didn't see anything and the second day he didn't see anything but by the third day some of the swelling had gone down so he could see a little out of his left eye.
What a freakin wonderful Friday. Here...prepare to be freaked out.
http://research.lumeta.com/ches/me/
Just follow the instructions--- when it says stare at the blocks for 'a couple minutes', literally, stare at the blocks for 2 or 3 full minutes... one minute probably wasn't enough for the effect to work on me, but it's now been almost 12 hours, and it's still effecting me..
definitely freaky..
EXCITEDLY!
Linx
My Usual Self-Questionnaire.
What's playing? KoЯn - When Will It End [Link]
What was the last TV show or movie you watched? Don't remember, I was just flipping around for a few hours last night.
What was the last thing you complained about? My nieces wouldn't go to sleep on time last night and now they're having a hard time keeping their eyes open.
What was the last thing you threw away? Receipt. I didn't need to keep it. It was an unreturnable item anyway.
How am I feeling? Why? I'm cool... (Adjective definition #2)
Complete this: "The Weather Is..." Going to be partly cloudy and above freezing. Good day.
OMIGOD The 10 centimetres of snow that fell yesterday and the additional 5 centimetres of freezing rain today made a feet-numbing crust of icy snow floating atop a land-shaped sea of ice-cold water. You couldn't walk anywhere without getting your feet wet. Puddles of murky slush everywhere. I don't wanna go to work tommorrow...
Linkfest
How many is that? Enough? Yeah... one, two, three... enough.
My Usual Self-Questionnaire.
What's playing? Amorphis - Planetary Misfortune.
What was the last TV show or movie you watched? Comedy at Club 54.
What was the last thing you complained about? SLUSH SLUSH SLUSH!!! MY FEET ARE STILL COLD!!! DAMN!!! I SOUND LIKE A WOMAN!!!
Who was the last person you complimented and what did you say? Blow me.
What was the last thing you threw away? Uh.... Nothing... It's quite messy at my desk right now... but my trash can is remarkably neat. It's got pencil shavings in it. A nice neat little pile.
How am I feeling? Why? Pissed off at only two things: this weather and the people under this weather.
Complete this: "The Weather Is..." ROWR!!
To be honest...the only thing I'm really good at is being randum. But honestly, Who could ask for anything more? Happy Wednesday People! (It is Wednesday, right?)
Do you use a large coffee mug in the morning? I do, it's nice and every other person at my office knows this too. But do you ever get to work in the morning, pour yourself a nice mug of coffee and you only get half a mug?
This happened to me and I was really looking forward to it on the way to work this morning. Not wanting to waste the sugar and coffee whitener I had already put in my mug yet not wanting to drink bright, sweet coffee I stood there thinking, mildly depressed. Then with half-awake logic I poured just enough water into the coffee maker for me.
It's true, all things are better when you work for it.
I like this, it's kind of funny, but too bad broad opportunities for parody and satire do not open up. And, that's a shame. If I get one e-mail calling me the MacGuyver of Coffee I'll have you know I could have wrote many, many, many episodes for that show. It's so absurd.
Complete this: "The Weather Is..."
Today the weather is scaring me. Snow, highway accidents and low visibility for air traffic. Damn, it's gonna suck at my desk today!
[POST EDIT: LOOK AT THIS!! - Dave]
I know, I know, it's cheesy.
My Usual Self-Questionnaire.
What's playing? Amorphis - My Kantele [Link]
What was the last TV show or movie you watched? Frontiers of Construction. [Link]
What was the last thing you threw away? Bottlecap, last night.
How am I feeling? Why? Okay, I got a good rest.
Website Reco? Sinfest [Link] A comic strip by Tatsuya Ishida. A good, edgy little comic with a short dude with glasses and a diva as the main characters. (Slick and Monique) Supporting roles include a nerd, a pig, a bible-freak, (Criminy, Squigley and Seymour) a pet dog ,a pet cat, (Pooch and Percival) two angels, (Ezekial and Ariel) God, his eastern counter-part The Dragon and last but not least, the Devil. I know Slick immediately seems like a Calvin rip-off, [Link] but it's like Calvin grew up, lost the tiger and because this guy on his way to becoming The Narrator character from Fight Club. [Link] You know I'm right. What about Hobbes you ask? Well, this imaginary friend grew up too, becoming Tyler Durden.
Blog stickers are little images that say something about the blog. It could be the motto of the blog or another motto of the blog it's hosted on. In any case, it's an amusing phrase about the blog that the blog owners decide to host on their blog. If you need an better explanation, go here to Blogstickers.Com [Link] and see for yourself. Otherwise, read some of the ones I and my friend came up with:
Shorter Blog Stickers Always read the blog print
Blog or get off the pot!
Today's letter is: Blog
Chix dig blog
Kiimooch blog
My other blog is at geocities
Warning: blog ahead
I'd rather be blogging
Cup'O'Blog
Blog to go!
McBlog
Blog, rinse and repeat
Warning: low blog
Blog turnoff: next right
Blogronaut
All Bran helps blog
Blogvoy
Larry blog
Blogmation
I've got good blogma
Touch my blog
Kiss my blog better
Blog you
Hostess Blogcakes
Heads up! Blog quick!
My blog fetches
Molson Blogadian
The Tonka Blogtruck
Blog me baby one more timeBlog Discount Warehouse
To login, press ALT + CTRL + BLOG
Blog-Aid
Blogfeld
Blogbert
Pick up after your blog
The art of blog
Iced bloggacino
Blog Transmitted Disease
I named my cat Blog
Information Superblogway
Now entering the Blogzone
The Bloggernet
The yuleblog
Blogninja
Drugs, sex and blog'n'roll
250 blogules per million
Suck my blog
Kiss my blog
Blogdicted
Kill Blog, volume two
Air Blogan
Superblog
Blog the light fantastic
I'm from a parallel blogivers
I'm from blogange county
I'm a blog fabricator
I'm Mr. Blog Esquire
Easier blogged than done
Longer Blog Stickers
I survived my blog and all I got was this stupid t-shirt
This is your brain, this is your brain on blog
Warning: blog objects in mirror are closer than they appear
Click here for the blogville soundtrack
ATTENTION! ABOUT FACE! FORWARD BLOG!
I fell down and broke my blog
The blog is mightier than the sword
I fell don and I can't reach me blog
Home Blogware, Home of the handyman
Welcome to Blogville, population: us
My bloodtype is blog positive
100,000 km per blogside assistance
Omigod I was so high I saw blog
Go ahead, blog my brains out
My fridge has a blog dispenser
Friends encourage friends to blog drunk
I give my blog regularly scheduled maintenance
No animals were harmed in the making of this blog
If it's my time to blog, it's my time to blog
Also, don't forget to leave your own ideas for blogstickers of your own in my comments, on my tag board or on the blogstickers website [POST EDIT: Just some spell checking and reformatting, I noticed errors and it didn't meet any kind of aesthetic appeal. Not only that, but it made all that hard work I did look like two very ugly blocks of text, as if they were merely logs of wood propping up my blog. BLEAH!]
1.
Last night I had the munchies, but accidentally dropped the cookie I was about to eat between the computer desk and the wall where I couldn't reach.
I tried moving the desk, but ended up constructing a tool made out of the pvc piping my laundry bag holder is made out of, and a coat hanger.
In retrospect all I can think of is watching Animal Planet when they show how Chimps catch termites
2.
The dog was really good at catching stuff in mid-air when you chucked it near her.
Trouble was she'd do the same thing when I flicked a still-burning smokey treat out into the back yard then round around in circles coughing smoke and shaking her head.
I guess I just pretended to forget that...
3.
the venerated grey beard told me this once and i took it to heart
quote
if you never broke nothin you never did nothin
end quote
several trips to the ER later he informs me
quote
i didnt mean body parts
end quote
now he tells me
It's lunchtime and I hate my short lunches. I work from 8:30am to 4pm, have two 15 minute breaks and a half hour lunch. The problem lies in the fact that I live 10 minutes away from work. Yeah, I know I should brown-bag it for lunch, but... I like the walk.
Go back
Close your eyes....And go back.... Before the Internet or the MAC
Before semi-automatics and crack
Before SEGA or Super Nintendo...Way back.......
I'm talkin' bout hide and go seek at dusk.
Red light,Green light. Playing kickball & dodgeball until the street lights came on.
Mother May I? Red Rover. Hula Hoops.
Running through the sprinkler. Happy Meals.
Watchin' Saturday Morning cartoons. Fat Albert, Road Runner, Smurfs, Picture Pages, G-Force
The kids from the show Saved By The Bell were your idols, and all the girls were in love with Zack
Wonder Woman & Super Man Underoos. Playing Dukes of Hazard.
Catchin' lightning bugs in a jar.
Christmas morning....... you were so happy and now your not that happy lil kid any more
Your first day of school.
Bedtime Prayers and Goodnight Kisses.
Climbing trees.
Getting an Ice Cream off the Ice Cream Truck.
A million mosquito bites and sticky fingers. Jumpin down the steps.
Being tired from playin'....
Your first crush......
Rainy days at school meant playing "Heads up 7Up" in the class room.
Remember that? I'm not finished yet....
Kool-aid was the drink of summer.
Riding your friends on your handle bars.
Wearing your new shoes on the first day of school. Class Field Trips.
When nearly everyone's mom was at home when the kids got there.
When a quarter seemed like a fair allowance and another quarter a miracle.
When any parent could discipline any kid, or feed him or use him to carry
groceries, and nobody, not even the kid, thought a thing of it.
When your parents took you to McDonalds and you were so cool!.
When being sent to the principal's office was nothing compared to the fate that awaited a misbehaving student at home.
Basically, we were in fear for our lives, but it wasn't because of drive by shootings, drugs, gangs, etc.
Our parents and grandparents were a much bigger threat! And some of us are still afraid of em!!!
Didn't that feel good, just to go back and say, Yeah, I remember that!
There's nothing like the good old days! They were good then, and they're good now when we think about them.
Share some of these thoughts with a friend who can relate, then share it with someone that missed out on them.
I want to go back to the time when............
Decisions were made by going "eeny-meeny-miney-mo", mistakes were corrected by simply exclaiming, "do over!"
"Race issue" meant arguing about who ran the fastest.
Money issues were handled by whoever was the banker in Monopoly.
Catching the fireflies could happily occupy an entire evening.
Being old, referred to anyone over 20.
The worst thing you could catch from the opposite sex was cooties.
Nobody was prettier than Mom.
Scrapes and bruises were kissed and made better.
It was a big deal to finally be tall enough to ride the "big people" rides at the amusement park.
Getting a foot of snow was a dream come true.
Abilities were discovered because of a "double-dog-dare".
Spinning around, getting dizzy and falling down was cause for giggles.
The worst embarrassment was being picked last for a team.
Water balloons were the ultimate weapon.
Older siblings were the worst tormentors, but also the fiercest protectors.
If you can rem ember most or all of these, then you have LIVED!!!!
Pass this on to anyone who may need a break from their "grown up" life...
I DOUBLE DOG DARE YOU!!!!!!!
Hey Peoples. Since Dave was so kewl let me be apart of the madness I would like to say Thanks, Dave. Secondly, My Name is Spring AKA Kissmyfrybread. I'm a little native mutt living the urban life in Washington, D.C. but grew up on the Fort Hall Rez in Idaho. Let see...what else...what else... I like acting a fool. I've been to every U.S. State except about 8. I'm easily amused. AND I can wipe my own ash. I hope to contribute some laughs and somethings to think about. I'll do my upmost. I'll write more later. I just wanted to say Hello. Anything else you wanna know. Feel free to ask. I have no shame. :D Good times ahead.
[POST EDIT BY DAVE: Here's her homepage [Link]]
I broke another person's stereotypical bias recently, it was hilarious.
When I get to work and go to get my first mug of coffee, I usually run into the same few people at the pot. We all have a little chat and I usually announce my version of that day's weather forecast, despite the local radio station giving theirs in the background. Sometimes the radio forecast agrees with me and sometimes it differs, but more often than not I'm more accurate. I also describe how the wind will feel, how wet the falling snow will be and how long rain will last, along with when precipitation will start. Obviously, I usually have it accurate too, within 15 minutes to a half hour. It's led them to trusting my version of the weather forecast than our local meteorologist.
Anyway...
After we all got our coffee, this one girl asked me another question, "Dave, you're always more accurate than the radio forecast. Do you meditate, do a sweetgrass smudge, sweat lodge or what gives you that extra (she paused for a second looking for the right word) sense about the weather?"
I smiled at her, having realised she's looking for an Ojibway or Cree mystical secret, but I told her the plain truth:
"I look it up on-line, then guess from there."
Ha.
That story reminds me of a similar story once told by a friend, Jody Porter, in a newspaper editorial of Wawatay [Link]
She was driving down the highway on a Monday with my uncle Bill (he's an announcer on radio there) and they happened to pass a dead moose by the side of the road. "Hmm, that moose has been there since Friday night," Bill said candidly. She was just blown away and the speculations were running rampant in her head. She wondered what kinds of skills and experiences he had with moose to go barrelling by at 90 kph, get a mere glimpse and confidently determine how long that moose has been there.
Fully expecting a lesson in moose and a few hunting stories Judy asked Bill "How do you know how long that moose has been there?" He turned to look at her and plainly responded "oh, when I drove by on Friday it wasn't there and when my son Neebin went for a ride on Saturday he mentioned it was on this turn."
Heh-heh... and she admitted she felt foolish because of that in her final editorial for Wawatay before moving away. I miss talking with that woman.
I wish I could tell stories like that "Thomas Builds-the-Fire" guy with glasses in Smoke Signals. [Link] [Link] [Link] [Link] [Link]
What? you deserve links from me...
And besides that, I wanna try something new. I call it "Link Overkill, putting the L and O in the Down LO" Yeah.. that's cheesy, I just made it up as I was typing.
I found a quiz and I couldn't resist!
Who's Your Movie Sidekick? Find out @ She's Crafty
Here's the cream filling:
My Usual Self-Questionnaire.
What's playing? Avril Lavigne - Complicated, The local radio station played, like, five of her songs in the past half hour... I think it's the "Annoy Dave Show" ??
What was the last TV show or movie you watched? Comedy at Club 54
What was the last thing you threw away? The opener tab on a can of Diet Pepsi, now my lip is getting scratched at every time I take a sip.
How am I feeling? Why? I'm feeling pretty good. Today has been the first pretty good weekday in a while.
Website Reco? 9 Coronas [Link] A warning for all man. (You'll need Flash) I'm sure you've all seen it before, but what the heck, why not?
Get one!
There's supposed to be a little cartoon dragon sitting there... But that site is overloaded and I get a low-bandwidth page saying "temporarily unavailable" instead. Draggys suck. I'm gonna save mine and host it myself. Hmm... what else?
From the Dane Carlson Collection.
Also be sure to check out ALL the Blogstickers pages.
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6
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My Usual Self-Questionnaire.
What's playing? Star Trek: The Next Generation
What was the last TV show or movie you watched? I'm still watching it, but Trucks! is coming on soon.
What was the last thing you complained about? I hate Mondays.
Who was the last person you complimented and what did you say? A coworker: Thanks, you're the greatest.
What was the last thing you threw away? I've done this post a few times before this, trying to find the right words and picking what to post. Obviously I didn't post anything at all. Bleah!
How am I feeling? Why? Picky. No reason.
Website Reco? Dealing with Collection Agencies [Link] You'll learn to hate the name Mark Silverthorn/Silverstone and how to deal with a possible grievous situation.
It depends on if you like the kind of stuff I'm doing and find similar stuff.
My previous post stayed in my mind and I realised that I would like some help in posting to Twisted. I know I have a tagboard that lets people post links, ask questions and leave comments, but that's a little too campy. So that also led me to thinking about letting some people actually create entire posts and other things, so I came up with some guidelines for posting here. Should anyone be interested.
Requirements:
As my blog is hosted on the www.myknet.org server, a homepage service that suggests all pages on here he safe for youth to view.
I know that is sort of unclear and leaves lots to the imagination, but that's okay. That's what you'll need as a contributor to Twisted. The sort of things I want you to post are diversions. They can be funny, cool, interesting, gross or so-stupid-its-good. The diversions I want here are things that can be picked up without any forethought or too many instructions, provide a mild distraction from whatever viewers may have been doing and possibly make them want to come back again. Memes are encouraged. Essays and articles are welcome. But no stealing. Even though I do it.
Of course, try to keep it reasonably profanity-free and very porn-free. Hints of softcore is okay, a little cyber-innuendo, but no vulgar references or hardcore images. Glamour shots of babes is okay too, but no nudity. Where was I? Oh yeah! If you have to swear, F*****G censor yourself, okay?
And one last thing, I use Blogger to post here, you'll need an account too.
My Usual Self-Questionnaire.
What's playing? Nothing, I'm at the library.
How am I feeling? Why? Rushed, I'm on my break!
[POST EDIT]
News? I added Tell-A-Friend to my sidebar along with my ranking on Four-Eyed Freak (#65) and a slogan for my counter. 300 already huh? That leaves me wondering how many people actually visit this page. It's not 300, I can tell you that.
Browsing around numerous blog directories and the like.... I happened to notice that there were a distinct lack of community blogs.... I regularly visit superior blogs and I also notice that they're all edited/added to by more than one person. I also wondered should I recruit additional people to post to twisted? I don't know. What do you think? Leave a comment.
I stole that word from my friend elizabeth... I'm not sure where it comes from either, aside from that. I'll have to ask her one of these days.
I've been making small and subtle changes to my sidebar (Look at the side!) I changed heights, formatting, phrasing and added a new subheading (Native) with plans for another one later on (Canadian content) I doubt you'd notice it very much, but it is getting quite long. I figure as long as I'm squeezing more and more into my blog do you have any suggestions? Leave a comment...
My Usual Self-Questionnaire.
What's playing? Evanescence - Where Will You Go?
What was the last TV show or movie you watched? Trucks!
What was the last thing you threw away? Inedible scraps from my breakfast plate.
How am I feeling? Why? I'm slowly getting cabin fever. Either I gotta play an "outdoorsy" Playstation2 game or actually go outside into the cold... We'll see.
Website Reco? Blogs Canada [Link] Blogs Canada's Directory contains more than 7,700 Canadian blog listings. Here, you'll find one of the web's most comprehensive blog directories - organized by.... Just go there already! This will probably be the first link I put on my CanCon list later on.
Dave> well, it's almost midnight, i think it's time to change. (the big moment, gityer camera ready babe)
dannace> LOL
dannace> SO WHAT R WE GOING TO DO WHEN WE GO TO BED?
dannace> LOL
dannace> JK
* Dave struts off to get his black tshirt and cotton pjs
Dave> rofl
dannace> OK
dannace> LOL
* Dave unbuckles his belt, undoes his jeans then tosses his sweater at dannace
dannace> LOL
* Dave takes off his socks and slowly walks behind his changing screen
dannace> LOL
* Dave emerges with his pjs on and tshirt merely hanging off one arm and muscles all flexed
dannace> LOL
* Dave looks at dannace, kisses his right bicep and licks his lips "im delicious, can you just taste me?"
* Dave walks towards dannace and kneels before her, raises his arms, shirt in hand.
dannace> LOL
* Dave raises toward her, tshirt slipping onto him
* Dave gets his tshirt on, faces close together
dannace> LOL
Dave so, was it as good for you as it was for me?
They accepted me!! I'm #65
Fun, but you could get fired
Go into MS Word or similar program on co-worker's computer, and add an entry to the AutoCorrect feature. This is a very simple prank that will send the novice user into frenzy. Configure the AutoCorrect option to replace the word "the" with the phrase "you suck!" They will usually panic and start scanning for viruses.
I studied German for five years in High School.
Well, one day, our lesson was vocabulary relating to foods.
We learned that walnut in German is "WalnuSS".
I promptly piped up, rather loudly proclaiming,
"If walnut is WalnuSS, then peanut is PeanuSS!"
Even the teacher laughed so hard he couldn't breathe.
For those who already have children past this age, this is hilarious.
For those who have children nearing this age, this is a warning.
For those who have not yet had children, this is birth control.
The following came from an anonymous mother in Austin, TX. Poor woman.
Things I've learned from my children (Honest and No Kidding):
1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2,000 sq. foot house 4 inches deep.
2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.
3. A 3-year-old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a superman cape. It is strong enough, however, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20X20 foot room.
5. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using the ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
6. The glass in windows (even double pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "Uh-oh", it's already too late.
8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
9. A six-year-old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year-old man says they can only do it in the movies. A magnifying glass can start a fire even on an overcast day.
10. Certain Legos will pass through the digestive tract of a four-year-old.
11. Play Dough and Microwave should never be used in the same sentence.
12. Super glue is forever.
13. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.
14. Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
15. VCR's do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.
16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
17. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
18. You probably do not want to know what that odor is.
19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on. Plastic toys do not like ovens.
20. The fire department in Austin has a 5 minute response time.
21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earth worms dizzy. It will however make cats dizzy and cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
It's been a pretty good weekend so far!
Yesterday after work, I, the 'rents and my two nieces packed up and shipped out to the big 'ol city of Dryden. (Gag) I'm not so much happy that I went to Dryden, but that I got out of Sioux Lookout. I didn't exactly know what was going on before I agreed to go, but whatever it was I knew it would be a lot easier to deal with than what I had to deal with at work all week long. That guy apologized by the way, but I'm still all sorts of pissed off at him. He's sure got some nerve to resume throwing accusations at me before I left. (POST EDIT: He didn't so much accuse as resume questions and suggestions that wouldn't have needed to be asked or brought forth had he read the company's policies.)(LEARN TO REEEEAAAD!!!!) On Monday I'll just tell him to read the policy, that should get the message across that I want little to no contact with him.
Okay... We packed up and shipped off to Dryden and I wasn't so sure what was going on. The rents told me they were going to check us into a hotel and go to bingo. "That's fine," I thought to myself and we checked in. They didn't stick around and left immediately for bingo. (That surprised me.) That was okay by me, but I had no idea how to keep two little girls, ages 6 and 7, busy until their bedtime.
So after figuring out the time (only 6:00 p.m.) and stuff to do (the hotel had a pool that was open until 11:00 p.m. and 150 channels on cable) I asked the girls where they would like to have supper. After staring into their little doe eyes, which were as blank as doe eyes in the headlights of a truck, I asked them if they wanted Mickey D's... They didn't know, but I didn't feel like cabbing it around all over Dryden so Wal-Mart was the plan. The local Wal-Mart has a McD's and I can do a little shopping at the same time. So we went and we did.
Afterwards we came back to the room and we all got ready for the pool. I really wasn't planning on going in or even getting wet, but that hot tub... oh... the hot tub. I loved it. The girls had a good time playing in the water and I got a little exercise in too. They easily fell asleep with some TV and so did I. In the morning I had a hard time crawling off of the cot I slept on, but I was oddly well rested and then for a few minutes the girls started annoying me, wanting to go swimming again. I suggested to my father that he call the front desk and ask for a late checkout. He got it and the girls went swimming. Yay... I got to wake up in peace.
After checkout we had some stuff to do, we did it and then came home. My older niece got all pissy that we didn't buy her the DVD she was talking about when we stopped by a store and on the way home, destroyed the CD I bought her only the night before. It's her fault and I'm not gonna stuff like that for her anymore.
But she's okay now and realises that she's gonna have to scrape up the courage to ask me to buy it for her again. I'm not going to. That's going to be her lesson to take care of the things I get her.
My Usual Self-Questionnaire.
What's playing? Coal Chamber - Shock The Monkey
What was the last TV show or movie you watched? Morning weather at Dryden.
What was the last thing you complained about? My niece being pissy.
Who was the last person you complimented and what did you say? My nieces, they were little angels last night.
What was the last thing you threw away? A few CO2 cannisters for my paintball marker.
How am I feeling? Why? Okay... just a little bored.
Website Reco? Tech Tatts [Link] Die Cut Decals for your Cellphone, MP3 Player, Computer Case Mods, PDA, Vehicle, Game System, Etc.
I bet a biker or car fiend first did this.
Drunken Dialing
DAILY BLEED
Strong Bad E-Mail #121
Links for Tuesday
And now to my idea
Joke
Lowbrow Moment (another)
Lowbrow Moment
Banished Words List: 2005
(Archives are below)
My Stuff
Twisted Home
About Spook (My Homepage)
Spring's Blog
About As Twisted By Dave / Twisted Manifesto
Hate Mail
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Join Twisted?
What's a "Lowbrow Moment?" You can also Check Here
Comments? Questions? Suggestions? Something to submit? Just wanna say hello? Post it here.
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## Blogs ##
Anishaboy
Sweet Complexity
From the perspective of a PAGAK! in a tree
The Journal of Spring.
Reality Distorted
+ Catch A Falling Star +
petroscription :// artifact 4000
scott's Page of picto-graphic impressions
Adventures of Snapmouse
..:SH@PESHIF+ER:..
Jones fortune cookie sez...
STL04
::my trip to felicity::
## Websites ##
APTN
Wawatay
Wind Speaker
Say Magazine
Nativeagle
Indian Country
Native American History
Ojibway Culture and History
Native Online
4thw0rld
RezFox Dating
Native Radio
Turning Point
I'm #24.
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