Dave> well, it's almost midnight, i think it's time to change. (the big moment, gityer camera ready babe)
dannace> LOL
dannace> SO WHAT R WE GOING TO DO WHEN WE GO TO BED?
dannace> LOL
dannace> JK
* Dave struts off to get his black tshirt and cotton pjs
Dave> rofl
dannace> OK
dannace> LOL
* Dave unbuckles his belt, undoes his jeans then tosses his sweater at dannace
dannace> LOL
* Dave takes off his socks and slowly walks behind his changing screen
dannace> LOL
* Dave emerges with his pjs on and tshirt merely hanging off one arm and muscles all flexed
dannace> LOL
* Dave looks at dannace, kisses his right bicep and licks his lips "im delicious, can you just taste me?"
* Dave walks towards dannace and kneels before her, raises his arms, shirt in hand.
dannace> LOL
* Dave raises toward her, tshirt slipping onto him
* Dave gets his tshirt on, faces close together
dannace> LOL
Dave so, was it as good for you as it was for me?

They accepted me!! I'm #65

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Fun, but you could get fired

Go into MS Word or similar program on co-worker's computer, and add an entry to the AutoCorrect feature. This is a very simple prank that will send the novice user into frenzy. Configure the AutoCorrect option to replace the word "the" with the phrase "you suck!" They will usually panic and start scanning for viruses.

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I studied German for five years in High School.

Well, one day, our lesson was vocabulary relating to foods.

We learned that walnut in German is "WalnuSS".

I promptly piped up, rather loudly proclaiming,

"If walnut is WalnuSS, then peanut is PeanuSS!"

Even the teacher laughed so hard he couldn't breathe.

---

For those who already have children past this age, this is hilarious.
For those who have children nearing this age, this is a warning.
For those who have not yet had children, this is birth control.
The following came from an anonymous mother in Austin, TX. Poor woman.

Things I've learned from my children (Honest and No Kidding):

1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2,000 sq. foot house 4 inches deep.

2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.

3. A 3-year-old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.

4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a superman cape. It is strong enough, however, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20X20 foot room.

5. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using the ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.

6. The glass in windows (even double pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.

7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "Uh-oh", it's already too late.

8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.

9. A six-year-old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year-old man says they can only do it in the movies. A magnifying glass can start a fire even on an overcast day.

10. Certain Legos will pass through the digestive tract of a four-year-old.

11. Play Dough and Microwave should never be used in the same sentence.

12. Super glue is forever.

13. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.

14. Pool filters do not like Jell-O.

15. VCR's do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.

16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

17. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.

18. You probably do not want to know what that odor is.

19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on. Plastic toys do not like ovens.

20. The fire department in Austin has a 5 minute response time.

21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earth worms dizzy. It will however make cats dizzy and cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

---

It's been a pretty good weekend so far!

Yesterday after work, I, the 'rents and my two nieces packed up and shipped out to the big 'ol city of Dryden. (Gag) I'm not so much happy that I went to Dryden, but that I got out of Sioux Lookout. I didn't exactly know what was going on before I agreed to go, but whatever it was I knew it would be a lot easier to deal with than what I had to deal with at work all week long. That guy apologized by the way, but I'm still all sorts of pissed off at him. He's sure got some nerve to resume throwing accusations at me before I left. (POST EDIT: He didn't so much accuse as resume questions and suggestions that wouldn't have needed to be asked or brought forth had he read the company's policies.)(LEARN TO REEEEAAAD!!!!) On Monday I'll just tell him to read the policy, that should get the message across that I want little to no contact with him.

Okay... We packed up and shipped off to Dryden and I wasn't so sure what was going on. The rents told me they were going to check us into a hotel and go to bingo. "That's fine," I thought to myself and we checked in. They didn't stick around and left immediately for bingo. (That surprised me.) That was okay by me, but I had no idea how to keep two little girls, ages 6 and 7, busy until their bedtime.

So after figuring out the time (only 6:00 p.m.) and stuff to do (the hotel had a pool that was open until 11:00 p.m. and 150 channels on cable) I asked the girls where they would like to have supper. After staring into their little doe eyes, which were as blank as doe eyes in the headlights of a truck, I asked them if they wanted Mickey D's... They didn't know, but I didn't feel like cabbing it around all over Dryden so Wal-Mart was the plan. The local Wal-Mart has a McD's and I can do a little shopping at the same time. So we went and we did.

Afterwards we came back to the room and we all got ready for the pool. I really wasn't planning on going in or even getting wet, but that hot tub... oh... the hot tub. I loved it. The girls had a good time playing in the water and I got a little exercise in too. They easily fell asleep with some TV and so did I. In the morning I had a hard time crawling off of the cot I slept on, but I was oddly well rested and then for a few minutes the girls started annoying me, wanting to go swimming again. I suggested to my father that he call the front desk and ask for a late checkout. He got it and the girls went swimming. Yay... I got to wake up in peace.

After checkout we had some stuff to do, we did it and then came home. My older niece got all pissy that we didn't buy her the DVD she was talking about when we stopped by a store and on the way home, destroyed the CD I bought her only the night before. It's her fault and I'm not gonna stuff like that for her anymore.

But she's okay now and realises that she's gonna have to scrape up the courage to ask me to buy it for her again. I'm not going to. That's going to be her lesson to take care of the things I get her.

My Usual Self-Questionnaire.
What's playing? Coal Chamber - Shock The Monkey
What was the last TV show or movie you watched? Morning weather at Dryden.
What was the last thing you complained about? My niece being pissy.
Who was the last person you complimented and what did you say? My nieces, they were little angels last night.
What was the last thing you threw away? A few CO2 cannisters for my paintball marker.
How am I feeling? Why? Okay... just a little bored.
Website Reco? Tech Tatts [Link] Die Cut Decals for your Cellphone, MP3 Player, Computer Case Mods, PDA, Vehicle, Game System, Etc.

I bet a biker or car fiend first did this.

---

Okay, I used The Houston Chronicle's Custom Comic Page to build my own page of comics I think have "a bit of a twist" in them, if you know what I mean... Okay, that pun sucked. Anyway, the comics on the page are Beetle Baily, Ballard Street, Better Half, Bizzaro, Close To Home, Dilbert, Garfield, Heathcliff, Lockhorns, Mutts, Pardon My Planet, Speed Bump and Strange Brew. You're welcome.

Hmm, I should add that to my sidebar....

• Worth1000's "The Far Side" Contest page [Link] WARNING: long load. This contest is for photoshopped pictures that mimic Gary Larson's old comic strip, The Far Side.


• pixelman's Photos [Link] This is cool. pixelman takes normal photos and draws over them. The result feels cartoony but it's really a good idea executed wonderfully. I wish I had thought of it first.


• The Lightning Field [Link] By the American sculptor Walter De Maria, it's a big field full of lightning rods that's hit often in electric storms. It also has a hotel and a ban on pictures... Cool.


• Smoke [Link] Photo experimentation on the theme of smoke.


• Robert Koch Gallery [Link] A photographer's black & white study of contours and texture.


• Conscientious [Link] "a photography weblog" One of the best I've found so far.

My Usual Self-Questionnaire.
What's playing? Collective Soul - Blame
What was the last TV show or movie you watched? I haven't watched tv since yesterday after work, even when I was bored out of my mind last evening.
Who was the last person you complimented and what did you say? Not fit to post here, but know that I was thoroughly impressed.
What was the last thing you threw away? $80.00 I gave to my brother.
How am I feeling? Why? I found out it wasn't the pedals on my bike that are bent... it's the crank shafts! So having that in the back of my mind is kind of pissing me off, but otherwise.... I'm doing okay. I'm just letting it slide. For now, but when it gets warm (it's cold today!) it's really gonna bug me cuz I'LL WANNA GO MOUNTAIN BIKING!
Website Reco? Wikipedia [Link] It's a human-edited encyclopedia! I think I may have posted this before, but I use it as a replacement for encyclopedia.com nowadays.

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After I incoherently signed up for more Bravenet services in a drunken stupor... I'm left with three more services I have no idea what to do with except keep and integrate into my website here. I already have one person in my webring (he fell for it! who's next?) with hopefully more to come. Are you bravenet enough to sign up?

I also just spent the past half hour spreading this bravenet virus around my pages, adding to my sidebar and my two "About" pages here at Twisted. And I keep getting more ideas of what to do... I gotta write some of this down... later all!

Justwaitafreakinminutehere... I wanna thank Spring for linking me =D
I will reciprocate in a more appropriate manner in due time. I promise.

My Usual Self-Questionnaire.
What's playing? Live - Selling The Drama
What was the last TV show or movie you watched? The Simpsons.
What was the last thing you complained about? I was at a staff meeting this morning... so... I can't talk about it.
Who was the last person you complimented and what did you say? I told a coworker "thanks for reading my mind." She literally took the words right out of my mouth and spewed forth the dragon.
What was the last thing you threw away? Hmm... I dunno.
How am I feeling? Why? Okey dokey smokey, You?
Website Reco? Yakrider.com [Link] Meditations and reflections in Zen, Buddhism, Taoism, mystical religions, and early Christianity. They got poetry and a daily quote here.

---

Look what I got! I'll add all this stuff to the sidebar later on... I'm too drunk and tired right now... hmm... I guess I just needed some bottled courage to start a native webring...
What a low count...

Dave's "Aboriginal Website/Homepage Ring" Ring Owner: dave  Site: As Twisted By Dave

My buddy just told me this... we have had a bunch of bottles of beer already.

This guy in college or university or somewhere, in the US, came up with his thesis for his degree... He wanted to determined exactly what americans knew about canadians. One of the people he asked was one of his school's professors. I think he was a PHD and a bunch of other stuff.

His answer?

"Bad weather, good beer, live in igloos."

I take exception to his last answer, but otherwise it's all good!

---

• Ninja Mask Lesson [Link] By Vern Reid


• Dante's Inferno Test [Link] Impurity, Sin... and Damnation


• Quizilla! [Link] I take quizzes here sometimes... there's a lot of crude stuff... mostly by tweenies and the like, but every now and then you get a quiz on something interesting... those pins are worth the mounds of hay you need to sort through to find.


• Memegen [Link] Um... not exactly quizzes, but are oddly and surprisingly interesting.


• Play Minigolf [Link] At Electrotank... you'll need Flash.


• Make a paper airplane [Link] "The Flying Fish" It flies pretty good.


• Subservient Chicken [Link] You type it in... the chicken does it. It's kinda freaky...


• Distraction [Link] How distractable are you? PLAY!!!


• Turbo Tanks [Link] I used to play this as a child when I still had my Atari... I don't remember it being this hard....

THAT should keep you all busy for a while...

---

My Usual Self-Questionnaire.
What's playing? Linkin Park - In The End, DJ Krayziefrk Floating Remix
What was the last TV show or movie you watched? Funniest Animals. A wonderful program to watch whilst unwinding after a distracted day at work.
What was the last thing you threw away? Pop can.
How am I feeling? Why? Uh... bland?
Website Reco? KILL BILL [Link] THE GAME!!!

I've been playing this for the past twenty minutes. It's a pretty simple game (press left, right, up and down to slash at your attackers) but it's in Czech. So reading it is hard, but The Bride's movements and the gang members of Crazy 88s screams are quite self-explanatory. Hint: don't use down too much.. they defend against that quite easily.

---

• Riding on Square Wheels [Link] Stan Wagon, a mathematician at Macalester College in St. Paul, Minn., has a bicycle with square wheels. It's a weird contraption, but he can ride it perfectly smoothly. His secret is...


• Pages From A Notebook [Link] I should try this: "These collages are culled from a notebook on which I worked every night between November of 1994 and June of 1995. The pages were done as automatically as possible, with little or no thought as to what went therein. Pictures cut from magazines, automatic drawings and writings, dream fragments, cut-ups and diagrams were all included with the one very strict rule that no conscious rationality was to dictate any aspect of the process of creating the page."


• The Hitchhiker's Guide to The Galaxy [Link] THE GAME!!!! I'm putting this in bold so you see it better!


• Part chopper. Part cruiser. 100% muscle bike [Link] The new Schwinn Sting-Ray is all about the ride. Built with customized parts!


• The "Mondrian Machine" [Link] Um... try it... It's like Mondrian's paintings.


• Astalavista Secutiry Group [Link] Astalavista.com - The Underground, is one of the world's most popular and comprehensive computer security web sites. It's a security portal!

These days I'm trying to decide which websites I regularly visit to add to my sidebar. I haven't gone to blografitti, halfbakery or gangsta name generator that much lately... I think I may add a subheading called "Stuff to do" for items like blografitti and gangsta name generator. In fact, I could probably go searching throughout my archives for stuff under here and put in a whole whackload of links. (If you don't know what a whackload is... go study semantics)

My Usual Self-Questionnaire.
What's playing? Johnny Gawd - Fall Down
What was the last TV show or movie you watched? Holes... a Disney Movie while I ate lunch/
What was the last thing you complained about? Still the same somebody.
Who was the last person you complimented and what did you say? Hmm.... I forget... I gave three compliments this morning and I just... can't recall...
What was the last thing you threw away? pulled staples at work. I was cleaning off my work area.
How am I feeling? Why? BURRRP.... lunch was good. (I'm content)
Website Reco? Dave Barry's Sunday columns [Link] I need to catch up on the past few weeks... I haven't been there in a month!

---

Dave> Has everyone been incapacitated by an unknown virus introduced into the world population in order to incapacitate internet users by slowing typing speed to a reallllly slow pace
Dave> ...or am I just lagged?

My Usual Self-Questionnaire.
What's playing? Jonathan Davis - Forsaken, for The Queen of The Damned Soundtrack, vocals by David Draiman of Disturbed
What was the last TV show or movie you watched? Master and Commander on DVD last night
What was the last thing you complained about? Somebody
Who was the last person you complimented and what did you say? No one yet.
What was the last thing you threw away? Banana peel... part of my healthy breakfast
How am I feeling? Why? Well my cold is starting to dissipate a little bit
Website Reco? Die Screaming With Sharp Things In Your Head!!! [Link] Impaled garden gnomes!! BWAH-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA *choke* HAHAHA!!!

Mr GnomeMaker Says:

If you see a Garden Gnome,
pick it up and take it home.
Make sure it is really dead;
stick something sharp into its head.

See you next time, kiddies

---

Well I was right about it being a bad day. I gotta say I'm sorry for taking out some of my bad mood at my nieces. I was more strict with them earlier than I should have been. They had a long day at school too and I'm sure they were exhausted just like I was.

Anyway, my bad mood. I got in trouble today at work for not doing something. I was too busy to do it because I was overloaded with my own work. He didn't do his work completely anyway so I didn't take notice of what he really wanted done. And get this, I got in trouble by the guy who's supposed to fix those kinds of problems. The other side of the fence isn't fun, is it? Big shot.

I hope he doesn't go politicing over this... that's just low. I'll have to defend myself if he does.

My Usual Self-Questionnaire.
What's playing? Fiona Apple - Criminal
What was the last thing you complained about? Somebody.
Who was the last person you complimented and what did you say? Nobody. Everybody sucks today.
What was the last thing you threw away? Gum.
How am I feeling? Why? Screw you. Just read.
Website Reco? Custom Comics Page [Link] By The Houston Chronicle. It has a lot of choices, but has no archives for the comics. If you miss a day, you're out of luck, but otherwise it is a fine toy.

---

I woke up, staggered my half-awake, half-asleep, half-assed self to the washroom for a shower and a shave. Upon exiting the washroom I happened to look across the place and out the kitchen window... WHAT THE?!?!?!

SNOW?!?!?!?

It's gonna be a bad day, I can tell.

---

{POST EDIT} I got this from Pebbles' blog.

I want everyone who reads this to ask me 3 questions, no more no less.

Ask me anything you want and I will answer.

Then I want you to go to your bloggers, copy and paste this allowing your friends (including myself) to ask you anything. Could be fun!

SUBJECT CHANGE!

I was commenting on a post over at anishaboy and the subject of an Ojibway blogger webring came up... Now... I'm kinda a mix of a few things (ojibway/cree/scottish) and anishaboy made a joke about calling it the O-ring (bad, huh?) I added Cree for OC-ring and then he said we should look for a Cherokee and a Kiowa.

C O C K ring. This guy's funny...

Hmm.

The notion of a native blogger webring is a pretty good idea. But this is the most work I'm gonna do for that idea... I'm too lazy. And I'll probably end up with a buttload of K-Netters anyway.

---

I want to get some of these out of my bookmarks file... there's too much!

• Guimp [Link] The world's smallest website.


• Blogstickers [Link] Bumper stickers for weblogs. I think my favourite one has to be "0-100 hits in a year and a half" and my second fave is "My weblog could beat up your weblog"


• Spam Poetry [Link] Poetry made up of spam email subject lines by Kristin Thomas. Some of it is actually pretty good. Mostly funny... but all good.


• The Bovine Inversus Experience [Link] Umm... this is the kind of stuff I link to, except more... hardcore.


• Don't smoke in bed. [Link] A .MOV file showing the consequences of smoking in bed. Ow.... poor guy.


• Article: Fan-Made TRON Costumes! [Link] I need one for halloween. I'll go as "retro-tron" as they're making a new Tron movie.


• The Museum Of Bad Art (MOBA) [Link] MOBA is the world's only museum dedicated to the collection, preservation, exhibition and celebration of bad art in all its forms.


• Ugly Zoo [Link] Lots of images, long load, but worth the wait.


• Big Orange Button [Link] Go on, try pressing it. You'll need sound and your speakers turned up though. It's a wonderful experience, better than that Bovine thingamajig.


• That Microsoft paperclip helps you with WHAT? [Link] Huh...


• Liar [Link] a Business card game.

Here's the lyrics to Eric Clapton's "Tears In Heaven"
Thanks for not suing me!

Would you know my name
If I saw you in heaven?
Would you feel the same
If I saw you in heaven?
I must be strong and carry on
'cause I know I don't belong here in heaven...

Would you hold my hand
If I saw you in heaven?
Would you help me stand
If I saw you in heaven?
I'll find my way through night and day
'cause I know I just can't stay here in heaven...

Time can bring you down, time can bend your knees
Time can break your heart, have you begging please...begging please

Beyond the door there's peace I'm sure
And I know there'll be no more tears in heaven...

Would you know my name
If I saw you in heaven?
Would you feel the same
If I saw you in heaven?
I must be strong and carry on

'cause I know I don't belong here in heaven...

---

I just came from a good bike ride. I journey took me past the Ed Ariano Overpass, Travel Information Centre, Umphreville walking trail, a few road detours, Frog Rapids Bridge and all the way back straight home. I had a nice ride except the walking trail was a bit busy so I decided to take several small detours down roads and up trails I knew about to get back to the walking trail. I was travelling down the walking trail quite fast, coming up behind a couple joggers so I turned off the trail into some some grass and before I could slow down I came to a small washed-out deepened ditch. It couldn't have been more than 40 centimetres wide so I jumped over it with my front tire and *THUD* my rear tire hit the far end of the wash-out. The combination of the impact and my bodyweight bent my pedals. I don't think my cranks are bent, but that may be only wishful thinking.

Hmm... wishful thinking.

I wish I could have taken an experience that was more profound than what I got from my bike ride, but I fear that I may have taken away a twisted semi-romantic view. Something like "as I felt the cold wind from the still-frozen lake weave through my dreadlocks I thought to myself 'my butt is getting sore'" is what I most likely would have got, if I were that sort of person. But what do I know? I'm not that much of a romantic.

My Usual Self-Questionnaire.
What's playing? Lacuna Coil - Cold
What was the last TV show or movie you watched? Bulletproof Monk
What was the last thing you complained about? Bent pedals
Who was the last person you complimented and what did you say? "Thank you for the compliment, that's very kind of you." I was flirting with a jogger.
What was the last thing you threw away? I don't remember, but I plan on throwing away my friggin' bent pedals when I get new ones.
How am I feeling? Why? I'm warming up finally... It was a cold ride that seemed to have wind in my face at all times. I guess I just rode fast?
Website Reco? Windspeaker [Link] A part of the AMMSA network that includes Sweetgrass, Sage, Raven's Eye, Buffalo Spirit and Indian Country, Winspeaker archives contain over seven thousand articles and a nice area that includes guidelines for aspiring contributors.

---

I was surfing a lot of news and media sites last night, here's some of what I found

• Rock Dirt.com [Link] Get the dirt on rock-related music and musicians. There's also a rapdirt and a rnbdirt but I'm not into rap or R&B that much...


• Kurt Tribute [Link] Monday, on the 10th anniversary of Kurt Cobain's death, 1077 The End celebrated the life & music of Kurt & Nirvana with a full day of interviews, live bootleg concerts, & every Nirvana song ever recorded. *sniff* that's so beautiful... This is also a list of everything Nirvana has ever recorded. Goldmine!


• Camera phones changing the definition of picture-worthy [Link] Nice article about how people's attitudes are towards the traditional camera and the new access to camera phones.


• iChannel [Link] ichannel is Canada's new public affairs channel that takes you beyond the headlines. I was getting political with my surfin last night... I think this page turned my surfing from an aboriginal tangent to a canadian tangent.


• Journalism.Net [Link] The Investigative Guide to Internet Research. They also got a JNet Canada link on their left sidebar. [Link]


• APTN [Link] Why not, huh?


• Say Magazine [Link] This too, huh?

I surfed quite a bit last night and I think I'd better get more links into this blog before my bookmarks file gets too fat and dies of a heart attack. I'm also working on new sidebar categories: Aboriginal Links and Canadian Links. I will come up with more witty, but relevant subtitles later on.

My Usual Self-Questionnaire.
What's playing? Godhead - Lies
What was the last TV show you watched? I forget
What was the last thing you complained about? I forget
Who was the last person you complimented and what did you say? My niece showed me her repaired skipping rope, she "did a nice knot and looks like it won't slip loose again" like she was complaining about yesterday.
What was the last thing you threw away? Insert cards from my Maxim Magazine
How am I feeling? Why? I'm not really feeling anything 'cept my stuffed nose.
Website Reco? Maxim Magazine [Link] The best thing to happen to men since women. I've been waiting for their current covergirl (Josie Maran) to appear in different media other than modeling stuff.

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