• Poke The Penguin [Link] Poke at your own risk. Needs Flash.


• Symbol Search [Link] Did you see a symbol somewhere and don't know what it means? Answer some questions about it and get a list of possibilities.


• Nonsensicon [Link] A dictionary of nonexistent words.


• Dinosaur Supertree [Link] You know what a family tree is right? Well, here's the tree that includes all dinosaurs.


• Top 100 Monsters Of All Time [Link] Brought to you by retroCRUSH.


• The Popcorn Fork [Link] Never before have I seen anything so great yet so useless.


• Toilet Muffler [Link] It even lets you listen to sound clips.

Dave: That last one makes the list of things that makes me quiver with disgust and whimper out "oh my god..."

My Usual Self-Questionnaire.
What's playing? Garbage's "Enough is Never Enough"
How am I feeling? Why? Hung over.
Website Reco? How To Be Funny [Link] "Being funny is hard work. Some people think that humor is easy, that anybody can be funny with very little work. This is not true. To be funny there are a lot of things you must know about humor and a lot of situations you must prepare for. Think fast -- you're in line at McDonalds and the guy in front of you orders a Whopper -- what do you say? Give up? Read on, humor impaired person, and learn the secrets of being funny."

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Mind Control [Link]
7 Mental Fakeouts That'll Improve Your Mood. "Any crankiness you feel is just your brain’s response to outside stimuli, so if you change the stimuli, you can change your mood. Here’s how" (Brought to you by Men's Health)

My Usual Self-Questionnaire.
What's playing? Garbage's "Cup Of Coffee"
How am I feeling? Why? A bit tired... Just waking up.
Website Reco? BRAIN AND BEHAVIOR [Link] While I'm posting something about mind control... I may as well post something to give insight into the human brain and how it makes us behave...

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What's the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver?
The golfer goes "WHACK! Dang!" and the sky diver goes "Dang! WHACK!"

My Usual Self-Questionnaire.
What's playing? The Weather Channel.
How am I feeling? Why? Cold.
Website Reco? Nothing here

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My Usual Self-Questionnaire.
What's playing? Evanescence's "My Tourniquet"
How am I feeling? Why? Okay... a little bored.
Website Reco? mooch v2 [Link]
Under "Live" :
A lifestyle magazine bringing the very latest lifestyle and creative news; culture, films, technology, fashion and travel.
Under "Choice" :
From the millions of websites out there, Mooch makes a disciminating choice. Everything you need in life, refined down to the few.
Under "At A Glance" :
For those in a hurry, the essential websites to view on a single page; from news, sports and culture - fast, simple and comprehensive.
There's also a newsletter to sign up on.

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1. Your house plants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them.
2. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question.
3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
4. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed.
5. You hear your favorite song on an elevator.

6. You watch the Weather Channel.
7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of hook up and break up.
8. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14.
9. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as "dressed up."
10. You're the one calling the police because those damn kids next door won't turn down the stereo.

11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.
12. You don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.
13. Your car insurance goes down and your payments go up.
14. You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonalds leftovers.
15. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.

16. You no longer take naps from noon to 6 PM.
17. Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one.
18. Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 AM would severely upset, rather than settle your stomach.
19. You go to the drug store for ibuprofen and antacid, not condoms and pregnancy tests.
20. A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer "pretty good stuff."

21. You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.
22. "I just can't drink the way I used to," replaces, "I'm never going to drink that much again."
23. 90% of the time! you spend in front of a computer is for real work.
24. You drink at home to save money before going to a bar.
25. You read this entire list looking desperately for one sign that doesn't apply to you and can't find one to save your sorry old butt.

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My Usual Self-Questionnaire.
What's playing? Evanescence's "Away From Me"
How am I feeling? Why? Anxious for April Fool's Day to arrive.
Website Reco? Mousebreaker Online Games [Link] Plenty of Flash games here. A really good website to kill an afternoon. Or day.

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Here's a few tricks I plan on doing:

• ANSWER THE PHONE: Tape down the phone button on the mark's phone. When they pick up the receiver it will keep ringing. A simple but very effective office pranks classic.


• IMMOVABLE MOUSE: Tape a mouse's ball in place. When they try to use their mouse, it won't move. The tape can say "April Fool! when they turn it over.


• RIPPER: Here's a simple office pranks idea that is always good for some cheap laughs. Place an object on the floor where you know someone will bend over to pick it up. Position yourself nearby with some scraps of cloth that tear easily with a noisy rip. The prank is simple. Just wait until the mark bends over to pick up the object. As with many pranks, the timing is critical. At the precise moment that the mark bends over, rip the cloth. You'll be surprised at how many people reach around immediately grab their ass checking for rips.

LINKS!

• Totally Absurd Inventions [Link] America's Goofiest Patents! Featuring Real, USA Patented Inventions. Stuff like the Portable Pet Potty, Flood Bad, Anti-eating Mouth Cage and Paddle Wheel Plane. Were these people stoned? Or just stupid?
  
• Odd mishaps cause computer grief [Link] A BBC News story on how lost data and malfunctioning computers are still the result of technical breakdown, human error in the form of neglect, rage and clumsiness is fast becoming one of the main reasons files need rescuing. For instance: "I work on a support desk carrying out server disaster recoveries. Right now, I am not kidding, I have had someone on the phone who said "we tried to forklift it" when I asked how it crashed." Owch!
  
• Ready, Set, Organize [Link] Have you done your spring cleaning yet? Yes? No? Well... you can still read at this website and still take something useful away from it.
  
• Tips For Cheap Weddings Can Save Thousands of Dollars [Link] I'm sorry ladies... Hmm, my coworker is engaged, I should give this link to her.
  
• Winston's Lego Computer [Link] This guy made a desktop computer using lego pieces. I guess the "NDN version" would be cardboard?
  
• QUICK TIPS FOR BODY DISCOMFORT [Link] Correct positioning of your body while working at a computer workstation is essential to your comfort, as well as your work performance. If you are experiencing discomfort or pain while working on your computer, choose that body area on the picture (wrist/hand, elbow, shoulder/neck, side/back, legs, and eyes) to examine possible causes for this discomfort and suggestions for improvement.
  
• Riders! [Link] Awesome costumes for the person looking to impress... . . . . . geeks.
  
• Putting Bunnies in a Trance [Link] I wanna learn this! "Putting bunnies in a trance can be very useful when you need to trim toenails, give medicines or calm a panicky bunny. To trance a bunny, you need to flip them over on their back and pet their cheeks and nose area at the same and they should start to go out."
  
• A collection of "Do Not" & "Do Not Enter" signs Around The World [Link] Just a bunch of warning signs that say "NO!!!" How depressing.
  

My Usual Self-Questionnaire.
What's playing? More Tea Party Songs, I've got a lot of them copied to my computer from CD. Taking Me Away, Temptation, The Bazaar, The Grand Bazaar, etc.
How am I feeling? Why? My cold has gone away a bit more today.
Website Reco? In the post.

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Lowbrow Moment

i walked into the bar, saw my friend sitting there, and declared, "man, ritalin and beer make a great combination."

he looked up and said, "nah, man. ritalin, beer, weed, and codeine."

i thought to myself, "was there anything left of him to enjoy it?"

LINKS!

• Get Converted! [Link] Change your religion quickly and easily! HAHAHAH Lovely parody! Blasphemy in several forms! HAHAAA
  
• Cannon Fodder [Link] A fun little game from Makai Media. You're on a hill on one slope, your enemy on the other slope and you have to try and shoot each other.
  
• KAMIKAZEE KILLMOUSE [Link] No, not a mouse-killing site, but a place that shows funny, odd and weird photoshopped images like "World Kitten Boxing," "Death of Popeye" and "Star Wars on Spacehoppers."
  
• Church Sign Generator [Link] I've been dying to post this one in a long time. Hmm, two blasphemous links in this one... Let's see if I can go for the hat trick.
  
• Your Amazing Brain [Link] Explore your brain, take tests, play games... it's all educational fun.
  
• Pun Of The Day [Link] Another link I've been wanting to get rid of for a couple months now.
  
• Gathering of Nations [Link] The homepage of famours pow wow and Miss Indian World pageant. I've been there once, I was supposed to watch the pow wow, but to get there, my group and I had to pass the Miss Indian World thingy. Needless to say, I never saw the pow wow.
  
• Encyclopedia.Com [Link] Go read here for a couple years, maybe you'll get to be as smart as me.
  

My Usual Self-Questionnaire.
What's playing? Various songs from The Tea Party. Angels, Apathy, Babylon, Chimera, Drawing Down The Moon, Dreams of Reason, etc.
How am I feeling? Why? Stuffed nose and phlegmmy throat. God, it's going to suck at work today.
Website Reco? THE 100 GREATEST COMICS OF THE 20th CENTURY [Link] Not just titles, but certain editions. Let's face it, if they listed entire collections, there would be a nerd war. This way, they can "kind of" agree and still live with themselves.

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In a moment of inspiration I added that to my sidebar: ===>
I hope they don't kick me off for that. I go surfing around other homepages and I have found content much, much worse than that which I post here.

My Usual Self-Questionnaire.
What's playing? Stabbing Westward's "What do I have to do?"
How am I feeling? Why? Doing okay.
Website Reco? AYN: Aboriginal Youth Network [Link] I swear I'll get more aboriginal links up soon, I surf that subject, but very few websites meet my high "standards" to be linked. I remember when I first found this website, it was way back in the last millenium. 1998, I think. And it looked like it has such potential to be a website that can generate a great community. But, alas it didn't happen. I notice that Knet uses the same colours as them, but Knet has a better IT department. Kudos to Brian B and Jessie F for doing what AYN couldn't do. (If I kiss their @$$ enough maybe they won't delete my account! LOL)

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Lowbrow Moment (They should copyright that stuff, dude(tte))

One Fourth of July down in the states, a couple of friends and I decide to make our own fireworks. We take apart half of our fireworks (we each owned about $100 worth) and pour them into paper cups. We all decide that we want to make fountains (this was all before our destructive stage). But not just any fountains, no no... we want fountains that spray sparklies 20 feet high.

So off we go to my friend's dad's workshop, cut a copper pipe into thirds, and clamp off one end of each. We each take the powder from the paper cups and pour them into the copper tubes. Through our extensive knowledge of physics (at age 15) we agree that clamping off the other end of the tube and leaving just enough space to drop in a fuse will send the sparks flying.

The big moment came. Time to see how high these things will spray!

The final result:

3 temporarily deaf fifteen yr old physicists lying on thier backs, 2 terrified parents, and 1 three foot hole in the ground...

JOKE!
What's the similarity between a woman and Kentucky Fried Chicken?
By the time you're finished with the breasts and thighs, all you have left is a greasy box to put your bone in.

LINKS

• DURHAM UNIVERSITY FART LIGHTING SOCIETY [Link] Created in November 1997 during a party at Mr.Enzo Branchini's house After a good night's partying our members enjoy nothing more than too ignite their own methane. And they call me weird.
  
• Match Puzzles [Link] Brought to you by Ze. You Need the Flash 5 plugin to play. HAHA! I got them all!
  
• On and Off [Link] What was I thinking bookmarking this? Oh yeah, I was drunk at my friend's place. It seemed like fun at the time as I was tanked.
  
• How to play the guitar Vol1 4.3 [Link] A page to download this program. "This volume is written for beginners. It attempts to recreate the atmosphere of a private guitar lesson. Based on experience gained by the author in teaching the guitar at this level, the lessons cover the common mistakes encounted by most students eg problems with keeping rhythm, with fingering and with interpretation of a piece of music." I talk to people and some want to learn or improve on their guitar skills. You're welcome.
  
• Fun & Games [Link] Brought to you by Netscape Networks.
  
• Instant Audience [Link] You need shockwave to hear them applaud you.
  
• Respectfully Quoted [Link] A Dictionary of Quotations Requested from the Congressional Research Service, housed at Bartleby.Com.
  

My Usual Self-Questionnaire.
What's playing? Sheryl Crow's "My Favourite Mistake" I've been listening to Sheryl Crow songs all throughout this post. It's taken me about twenty minutes. I'm taking my time.
How am I feeling? Why? I've still got my cold, but it's a wee bit better today.
Website Reco? THE 100 SCARIEST MOVIE SCENES OF ALL TIME! [Link] As brought to you by retroCRUSH. I think my favourite scene has to be #28 [Link] from The Shining: HERRRREEEEEE'S JOHNNY! COMMENTS PLEEEEEAAASSSEEE!!!!!

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