• Watson's Law: The reliability of machinery is inversely proportional to the number and significance of any persons watching it.


• If the odds are a million to one against something occurring, chances are 50-50 it will.


• LSD melts in your mind, not in your hand.


• A penny saved is ridiculous.


• In the force if Yoda's so strong, construct a sentence with words in the proper order then why can't he?


• Losing your drivers' license is just God's way of saying "BOOGA, BOOGA!"


• Like the ski resort of girls looking for husbands and husbands looking for girls, the situation is not as symmetrical as it might seem. - Alan McKay


• A fanatic is one who can't change his mind and won't change the subject. - Winston Churchill


• Your conscience never stops you from doing anything. It just stops you from enjoying it.


• Matrimony isn't a word, it's a sentence.


• God is really only another artist. He invented the giraffe, the elephant and the cat. He has no real style, He just goes on trying other things. - Pablo Picasso

Quiz: Does Your Weblog Own You?
I took the quiz!

18.75%

My weblog owns 18.75 % of me.
Does your weblog own you?

Today was okay. I had quite a productive morning but then lunch happened. I slowed down considerably and if I were asked what I did this afternoon well... It would be quite a short list. I suppose one of them was quite a big task, but still I guess I didn't get much done, seeing as it took me almost all afternoon. I guess I'm still not getting much done now... Oh well. Time for a nap to refeul and see if I can find where I hid my work ethic in my dreams. Later, Dave.

My Usual Self-Questionnaire.
What's playing? Cradle of Filth's "Better to Reign in Hell"
How am I feeling? Why? Lazy! I was out late last night at a friend's place and then I couldn't sleep. I hit the snooze button a record-tying five times this morning. I was impressed with myself by still making it to work on time.
Website Reco? "I love you" in various languages [Link] St. Valentine's Day is coming soon. No, Cree or Ojibway isn't on it, I checked.

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Lots today, to make up for the lack of posts in the past week or so.

Twisted Lists.

Dribbleglass.com's Funny Town Names From Around The World [Link] Titty Ho is in England? I'm moving.

Dave's List Of Words That Are Fun To Say [Link] No... That's another Dave and not me.

Seldom Asked Questions about Japan [Link] Stuff I never really though about that country.

The Slipup Archive [Link] "Slip-Up", as used on the site, means any amusing accidental blooper or mistake that wasn't caught, and made its way to the viewing public. If someone were to lose their job everytime a slip up was made, 11784 people would have gotten in line at the unemployment office, 0 in the last two weeks. It has a text box for you to submit your own plus buttons on the right for top 25, latest 25 and to have the latest emailed to you on a weekly basis.

Top Ten Word Lists of 2003 [Link] Announced by yourDictionary.com Lists include top 10 words, top 10 names, the latest in YouthSpeak, top phrases, best and worst product names, and more.

Marketing Translation Mistakes [Link] It has all your classic idiotic marketing moves and even debunks some untrue stories.

100 MOST OFTEN MISSPELLED WORDS IN ENGLISH [Link] As brought to you by YourDictionary.Com It also has a mnemonic to help remember the correct way to spell these words.

Joke.

The Lone Ranger and Tonto are camping in the desert. They set up their tent and fall asleep. Some hours later, The Lone Ranger wakes his faithful friend. "Tonto, look up at the sky and tell me what you see." Tonto replies, "Me see millions of stars." "What does that tell you?" asks The Lone Ranger. Tonto ponders for a minute and then says, "Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Timewise, it appears to be approximately 3:15 AM. Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow "What does it tell you kemosabe?"
The Lone Ranger is silent for a moment, not having gotten the answer he wanted, then yells "Tonto! someone stole our tent!"

Techie links.

(You're welcome.)
Top 20 definitions of Blog [Link] In case you were wondering.

Webopedia [Link] Confused with Internet Techie Jargon? Find it here. (I need to stop with these nerd links... eh?)

The Technorati-Sphere [Link] A map of technology websites. I'm a proud visitor to MetaFiltia, Plastiq, Fark, al Daily, Sallash Doht and Mempol. (Find them yourself! Dammit!)

url2png [Link] Convert a web address to a png image 200 pixels wide and 1000 pixels tall. I saw my webpage as a little itty bitty picture. It looks interestingly unbalanced. But this service is only up for a limited time. Too bad.

Mother told me to be good,
but she's been wrong before.

Every gun that is made, every warship launched, every rocket fired signifies in the final sense, a theft from those who hunger and are not fed, those who are cold and are not clothed. This world in arms is not spending money alone. It is spending the sweat of its laborers, the genius of its scientists, the hopes of its children. This is not a way of life at all in any true sense. Under the clouds of war, it is humanity hanging on a cross of iron. - Dwight Eisenhower, April 16, 1953

It has been observed that one's nose is never so happy as when it is thrust into the affairs of another, from which some physiologists have drawn the inference that the nose is devoid of the sense of smell. - Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"

I'm so mean.

Last time I was in a city, I saw a disabled person in a motorized wheelchair wheeling down a bus lane and all I could think is "aren't you disabled enough? did your settlement money run out from last time?"

And I still don't feel so bad thinking it.

My Usual Self-Questionnaire.
What's playing? Faith No More's "Stripsearch"
How am I feeling? Why? No complaints, I've thawed out after coming home. Today was okay, but I doubt I'm going to go to the gym tonight for volleyball.
Website Reco? The Spark's Unintelligence Test [Link] The un-telligence test is not a measure of intelligence, so don't let the name mislead you. Instead, "un-telligence" is a measure of your ability to reason in tough situations. The higher your un-telligence, the better you are at surviving. Here's my results:

Here is the custom report of your personality that led our team of geeks to conclude (with confidence) that you are bordering on mediocrity, yet more exciting than others:

"Interesting. While the subject shows an above average level of intelligence, his sense of observation is somewhat below average. We attribute this to the egotistical nature of the subject. Actually, lions behave in the same manner, but he's smarter than any animal.

"The subject is brave, however,and shows real strength in that department.Courageousness is a large part of un-telligence.

"In addition, the subject exhibits brave tendencies, and that does a lot for his score. "But what concerns us most about him is his sinister and violent attitude. While we almost find it amusing that the subject would rather kill something than suffer a minor inconvenience, it effectively destroys his ability to survive tight situations. Our study suggests there is a 87% chance that he will end up in prison!

"Finally, the subject displayed a healthy (better than most net freaks anyway) sense of humor, a godlike (and annoying) sense of morality, and a barbaric self-confidence. The balance of these three traits is important; high levels of confidence, medium levels of morality, and a good level of humor make for the strongest individuals."

Final Score: 58% Un-telligent

The average was 60%... hmm.. I'm below average on unintelligence. Good.

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Trying stuff with my new computer, hehe. Sorry about the lack of updates. I just thought I'd post something while I'm here at home for lunch. I reviewed 70-something links last night so I've got lots to post now.

Excerpt from Stanislaw Lem's "Cyberiad"

I'll grant thee random access to my heart,
Thoul't tell me all the constants of thy love;
And so we two shall all love's lemmas prove
And in our bound partition never part.

Found on lowbrow.com,

I think it's the greatest thing a person could do. Ever.:

My aunt save all her junk mail.

Then with all the postage-paid return envelopes she sends different junk mail back to the people who sent her junk mail in the first place.

I find that amusing.

- shackles@toast.com

Just Plain Twisted.

object sex [Link] First, NO! It's not like "furniture sex" where furniture is photographed in sexual positions and posted on the web. This is more of a survey, where you click on male (left) or female (right) to vote on the object's gender, whose picture is shown in the middle.
Example: Mayonaise: 4439 votes, 44.11% female and 55.89% male. Paper Towels: 4461 votes, 70.14% female and 29.86% male. Toothbrush, male. Hand soap, female. Etcetera, etc, etc....

Silly Vintage Monster Toys. [Link] When I see toy ad's on TV, it makes me realise how much toys are better these days than when I was a kid.

Panoramas.dk [Link] Panoramic pictures online. Very cool.

Commonwealth of Blogosphere States [Link] Another map.

ANTI-HERO's bedtime story books. [Link] By Satan! LOL! this is SO WORTH the time it takes to load up!

Insensitivity Cards. [Link] Featuring much needed phrases such as "Thank God you're not pregnant!" "Welvome to our Satanic Cult!" "I'm sure you'll get parole next time." and "We still can't believe you married that Jew."

Winter.

COLD SNAP! A man crossing the street is framed by icy columns of trees and parked cars. I doubt someone could tell the difference if I removed all colour and left it grayscale: [Link] Yeah, the brown tint at the middle in the original picture becomes more apparant when switching quickly between the two.

My Usual Self-Questionnaire.
What's playing? Nothing, no time to listen to music.
How am I feeling? Why? Cold, it's a bastard windchill out there.
Website Reco? VH1's 100 greatest shocking moments in rock & roll [Link] Brought to you by the chronologicalists of people who know how to live life to the craziest.

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