I just couldn't wait to post this.

I had my first brush with pictures of people posing dead in the movie Ginger Snaps [Link] (Part 2 is coming soon!) and didn't think much of it other than it being something that caught my eye and made me think for a few seconds, ("Hmm, she even looks sexy dead-OH-she's alive!") but apparantly there's others who have taken it all the way with Dead Asylum [Link] Now I find myself thinking of poses, recipes for fake blood and locations to photograph myself, I hope nothing comes of it.
Watch for updates... ?

How many computer cpu's does it take to execute a job?
4, 3 to hold it down and 1 to rip its head off.

My Usual Self-Questionnaire.
What's playing? Nothing, I'm between movies at the Mayfair. I just saw Looney Tunes Back In Action and now I'm heading off to see Matrix Revolutions.
How am I feeling? Why? Runny nose, but I'm still chuckling from the end of Looney Tunes. Do you remember how Porky Pig stutters at the end of every cartoon before saying "that's all folks?" Well, he just kept stuttering and never got to saying "that's all folks," heh-heh-heh. It was unexpectedly funny. Steve Martin as the villain was a good choice.
Website Reco? Chaser [Link] Pills that guarantee no hangover. I need to stock up on this stuff and sell it locally, man. Wow, think of the money I'd make.

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Netscape Network's "Men's Channel" [Link] Let's see, what's there? Hot Searches, Health links, Stuff for Guys, Games, Babe of the Day, More Babes, More Babes, Funny Tests, Relevant Articles, Irrelevant Articles, Diversions, Sports and Netscape-rated Essential Links. Jackpot!

Say Magazine. [Link] Quarterly periodical aboriginal magazine. I've only seen the Fall 2003 edition so far, but it looks crisp and professional with the excellent combination of good writing and interesting stories. I wonder if Jamie Monastyrski and Harmony Rice are behind this? They had a good magazine out late 1900's but if didn't sell so well. That was a shame because it was such a good read.

DaveBARRY, The Official Dave Barry Blog. [Link] Because he has to do something other than his Sunday humour article.

Spirit Magazine [Link] Jamie and Harmony's new stomping ground. I searched their names to see if I had it spelled correctly (I did) and found this. Sweet, huh? SPIRIT Magazine is a national current affairs, arts & culture magazine committed to featuring culturally relevant stories on the experiences of Aboriginal people. SPIRIT encourages diversity in the Canadian media and globally by publishing a magazine that looks at the world from a different point of view, an Indigenous view that is ... They also have an image of a feather with the words "History = Revolution" on it. There's something to think about for a bit.

Idle Type [Link] DISTRACTING YOUR BRAINS OUT Kind of like I'm trying to do here. This is a good website that also provides diversions but has been slow since early November 2003. Mr. Idle Type says No, I haven't died. No, I'm not in jail. No, I'm not protesting anything. No, I'm not bed-ridden with depression. No, I didn't lose my job. No, John Ashcroft did not confiscated my computer. No, I'm not hearing voices. No, I don't hate all of you. And no, I'm not angry. (Well ... I am kind of angry, but what's new?) in his last post from just before Christmas. But he say's that he will be back and provides alternatives in Idle Type's absence.

Yesterday I was a dog. Today I'm a dog.
Tomorrow I'll probably still be a dog.
Sigh! There's so little hope for advancement.
- Snoopy

It's generally agreed that "Stairway To Heaven" is Led Zepplin's most mushy romantic song.
Way back in the 1960's, before pantyhose took all the fun out of the world, small holes in nylon stockings would eventually expand up and down into a "run" that went from top to bottom of the stocking. In Britain, a "run" was generally called a "ladder," except on Saturday nights, when it was known as a "stairway to heaven."

Air defense motto: shoot 'em down; sort 'em out on the ground.

When two people are under the influence of the most violent, most insane, most delusive, and most transient of passions, they are required to swear that they will remain in that excited, abnormal, and exhausting condition continuously until death do them part. - George Bernard Shaw

A cop pulled me over. I was below the limit, driving properly, using my turn signals and had no broken lights or anything. Apparantly he had issues with me doing all that on the sidewalk.

My Usual Self-Questionnaire.
What's playing? Placebo's "Pure Morning"
How am I feeling? Why? My nose is still runny and yesterday I wouldn't weightlift because nothing felt right and then I didn't get much sleep because I stayed up late playing games and working on stuff for my blog (making link themes and captions for pictures, that sort of thing). So now I'm lazy today cuz of lack of sleep and I'm sickly. I need a bowl of chicken soup, some ibuprofen, more cough drops and a jug of OJ with the pulp not removed.
Website Reco? Help John Get Divorced Dot Com [Link] On Jan 14, it has been 567 days that John has been trying to get divorced.

This poor guy...

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Quiz - Are You Grammatically Incorrect? [Link] I'm 80% grammatically correct! HAHAHAHA Beat that!

The Metrosexual Quiz [Link] I got 40%, but only because of my goth phase.

Birthday Stars [Link] "One light year is the distance light travels in a year: 5,878,499,812,499 miles. The closest star apart from the Sun is 4.2 light years away, so its light takes 4.2 years to reach Earth. Tell the Birthday Stars computer when you were born, and it will look for a star that is your age in light years away from Earth."

Pholph's Scrabble Score Generator v1.0 [Link] Enter your name or anything you please, and it will give you the score it would get if you were playing scrabble and put that down. Example:

Pholph's Scrabble Generator My Scrabble© Score is: 28. What is your score? Get it here.

My Usual Self-Questionnaire.
What's playing? Nothing, it is silent in here.
How am I feeling? Why? Frustrated with my runny nose.
Website Reco? A discussion thread on Ask Metafilter [Link] about good animated TV show/miniseries to watch.

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There is no realizable power that man cannot, in time, fashion the tools to attain, nor any power so secure that the naked ape will not abuse it. So it is written in the genetic cards -- only physics and war hold him in check. And also the wife who wants him home by five, of course.- Encyclopadia Apocryphia, 1990 ed.

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NASA Photo of Messier 81, enhanced by their new space telescope.

My Usual Self-Questionnaire.
What's playing? Marilyn Manson's "The Beautiful People"
How am I feeling? Why? Sick and I don't want to go to work today. But it's only a runny nose so I don't have enough excuse to go.
Website Reco? The Origin of John Doe [Link] Apparantly, he was a fictional land tenant who got sued a lot. This guy must have been really unpopular for about 400 years. (15th to 19th centuries) Ho-hum.

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"You know, it's at times like this when I'm trapped in a Vogon airlock with a man from Betelgeuse and about to die of asphyxiation in deep space that I really wish I'd listened to what my mother told me when I was young!"

"Why, what did she tell you?"
"I don't know, I didn't listen!"

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This is not your normal list of galleries. This is a list of galleries, art-inspired or art-related websites as twisted by Dave.

• The Neuroscience Art Gallery [Link] The N.A.G. has a nice optical illusions gallery, as well as galleries in the realms of animal babies, madness, psychiatry, neurophysiology, behaviours, imagination, et al. That's just a long way of saying "it's concept art." Worth a look.


• Mr. PicassoHead [Link] Ever see a painting by picasso? Ever weird eh? Well make your shockwave flash picasso-inspired painting here. Here's mine, entitled Spooky Kid: [Link]


• Make your own origami Concorde [Link]


• Boodler: a programmable soundscape tool [Link] "Boodler is a tool for creating soundscapes -- continuous, infinitely varying streams of sound. Boodler is designed to run in the background on a computer, maintaining whatever sound environment you desire." So... it makes "white noise?"


• Natalie Dee, Drawings By Me [Link] Just like explodingdog.com, natalie does daily drawings based on comments from her visitors. Here's my favourite: [Link] I am a little teapot...


• Book-A-Minute [Link] We at Book-A-Minute understand that your time is valuable. You want to experience the wonder and excitement of the fine art of literature, but reading actual books requires a significant time investment. We've got the solution for you. Our ultra-condensed books are just the ticket.


• The Exploratorium [Link] The Museum of Science, Art and Human Perception. It has all sorts of neat stuff. It's good if you're into neat stuff.


• Web Screenplay [Link] Make a screenplay out of a web page, just type in the link.


• Molecular Expression's "Silicon Zoo" [Link] When dweebs, no.. geeks, no.. nerds, no.. engineers are making computer chips so tiny we can barely see them, they make microscopic drawings on the chips themselves. They usually put company logos or their favourite animal or cartoon character. See my favourite: [Link] Dogbert from the Dilbert comic strip. [Link]


• Fjallfil. [Link] I've given up trying to pronounce it but I've gotten addicted to making metal music videos here. Also available are disco and hip hop.

The Heineken Uncertainty Principle:
You can never be sure how many beers you had last night.

My Usual Self-Questionnaire.
What's playing? Eric Clapton's "Tears In Heaven" It's good wake-up music.
How am I feeling? Why? Pretty good. I'm actually kind of looking forward to the rest of the day.
Website Reco? How Do You Feel? [Link] Click on a happy or sad face and see the results from everyone who visits that day.

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"A programmer is a person who passes as an exacting expert on the basis of being able to turn out, after innumerable punching, an infinite series of incomprehensive answers calculated with micrometric precisions from vague assumptions based on debatable figures taken from inconclusive documents and carried out on instruments of problematical accuracy by persons of dubious reliability and questionable mentality for the avowed purpose of
annoying and confounding a hopelessly defenseless department that was unfortunate enough to ask for the information in the first place."

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Buzz off, Banana Nose; Relieve mine eyes
Of hateful soreness, purge mine ears of corn;
Less dear than army ants in apple pies
Art thou, old prune-face, with thy chestnuts worn,
Dropt from thy peeling lips like lousy fruit;
Like honeybees upon the perfum'd rose
They suck, and like the double-breasted suit
Are out of date; therefore, Banana Nose,
Go fly a kite, thy welcome's overstayed;
And stem the produce of thy waspish wits:
Thy logick, like thy locks, is disarrayed;
Thy cheer, like thy complexion, is the pits.
Be off, I say; go bug somebody new,
Scram, beat it, get thee hence, and nuts to you.

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Apart from the script, you need stuff to say. So here's some pages on writing dialogue:

From The Screenwriter's Homepage. [Link] Writing dialogue for the screen.

If your dialogue writing sucks... [Link] Get Help.

FictionAddiction.NET's Industry Interview [Link] Tips from Sol Stein, a writer who writes on writing. (That's cheesy, I know)

Dialogue Tips [Link] From Nestle's old "Write Around New Zealand" [Link] competition from 2002. I can't believe they left that up there.

People who claim they don't let little things bother them have never slept in a room with a single mosquito.

My Usual Self-Questionnaire.
What's playing? Bulletproof Nothing's "Pummel Plane"
How am I feeling? Why? Still cold, but warming up a bit.
Website Reco? CIA Museum [Link] It even has the Enigma Coding Machine [Link] used in WWII by the Germans.

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Top 3 things NOT to say after sex:
That was IT??
think I hear my mom calling me ---- see ya
OOPS, the condom broke! My bad!

My Usual Self-Questionnaire.
What's playing? Amorphis' "Alone"
How am I feeling? Why? Cold. I just came from outside.
Website Reco? Mars Attacks [Link] In 1962, Topps released the bubble-gum cards known as "Mars Attacks". They were the creation of Len Brown and Woody Gelman. They were painted by the famous pulp-comic artist, Norm Saunders. That's Gallery One, here's Two [Link] and Three [Link]. It's also got the Mars Attacks story that goes at the back of the cards below the images on the pages.

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Let's start off the week with a little bit of fun, so here's some alcoholic links that I believe may interest you.

Modern Drunkard Magazine
[Link] I found all these links HERE! Just think what I didn't post here on Twisted.

365 Reasons To Get Drunk
[Link] An entire year of exc-OOPS, reasons to pop open a cold one. Or ten.

Etiquette For Inebriates
[Link] "Modern manners for modern drunkards."

86 Rules For Boozing
[Link] "There's more to it than tipping a glass and acting foolish"

Picture of a a snowflake, thanks to National Geographic. No two are alike in size, shape or molecular count. I bet you didn't know about that last one...

Abandon the search for the truth, settle for a good fantasy.

My Usual Self-Questionnaire.
What's playing? Metallica's "Whiskey In A Jar"
How am I feeling? Why? Sick and sore. Normal for a Monday morning considering my weekends. Don't ask, heheheheh.
Website Reco? 20 ways to monkey with telemarketers [Link] And Number 21 ... Throw poo at the phone.

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Crazy stuff I find in all sorts of places. I had too many to post so I'm just posting a whole whack-load of them now. This is definitely going to be one of my better posts.

Stressbusting. [Link] Holy Smokes! There's a lot here! Relevant questions, helpful therapies, coping strategies, life advice and even suggested wedradio broadcasts. Is there something you're not satisfied with? Anything at all. It's probably here.

Sasquatch Militia [Link] The Republic of Cascadia wants YOU, you damn dirty ape-man.

The Calvin & Hobbes and Fight Club Connection [Link] Hey, guess what? Jack, Calvin, Tyler and Hobbes are all the same person, as proved by the thesis presented here.

Psychoanalyze Yourself! [Link] A short 10-question psychoanalysis, whose author is unknown but clever.

Newton's Penguins [Link] A shockwave game showing that for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. Do you remember those swing silver balls where you pull one away and let it drop to hit the others and the last ball on the other side swings away? Yeah... penguins.

Sin Soap! [Link] Wash away sins! Hmm... I could use some of that.

Grover Is Bitter [Link] "The Sad Story Behind That Lovable Smile"

Promotion for: The Imaginary World Wide Web Page! [Link] Getting burned out on the World Wide Web already? Tired of having to sift through megabytes of garbage to find the good stuff? Seen enough ``[insert adjective here] Site Of The Day'' pages? Too many personal web pages that are not so personal? Sick of ``404 File Not Found'' messages? Annoying ``Under Construction'' icons getting you down?You can pretend it's any page you want it to be. You can pretend it's not what you don't want it to be. Hell, you can even pretend it's what you don't want it to be. Or not what you want it to be.

I Typed in "miserable failure" into Google. I'm not sure why, but OWCH, DATS GOTTA HOIT! [Link]

Internet Killed The Video Star. [Link] A Shockwave Flash music file.

6 Ways to make Santa's Naughty List [Link] HEHEHEHEHEH, replace his reindeer.... I wish I had found this MUCH earlier, like, BEFORE Christmas.

Satirical Celebrity Personals Ads [Link]

The Most PHALLIC Building in the World [Link] Yes, phallic.

BarbieOS [Link] A Linux Distro for Barbie. I find the idea HILARIOUS!!! (But as the article says, it's already a proven cash-cow for Mattel.)

Brain Alphabet [Link] Eeeewwww! Grrossss! Cooool! It has a small white area where you can drag letters and spell a word and other hidden images.

Feline Evolution Cat Seat [Link] Toilet seat for cats. No, really. I'm not pulling your leg. It offers "Lift & Toss" if it's on the floor or "Simply Flush" if it's on the toilet bowl.

Acid Trip [Link] 9 drawings done by an artist stoned on LSD. This was a test by the US government during it's dalliance with psychotomimetic drugs in the late 1950's. The artist was given LSD 25 and drawing tools. Sounds like he had fun.

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