Joke. Mother told me to be good, It has been observed that one's nose is never so happy as when it is thrust into the affairs of another, from which some physiologists have drawn the inference that the nose is devoid of the sense of smell. - Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
Hanson's Treatment of Time:
I hate quotations. - Ralph Waldo Emerson Human beings were created by water I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.- Winston Churchill
Think "honk" if you're a telepath.
How many computer cpu's does it take to execute a job?
Yesterday I was a dog. Today I'm a dog. Air defense motto: shoot 'em down; sort 'em out on the ground. A cop pulled me over. I was below the limit, driving properly, using my turn signals and had no broken lights or anything. Apparantly he had issues with me doing all that on the sidewalk.
The Heineken Uncertainty Principle:
People who claim they don't let little things bother them have never slept in a room with a single mosquito.
Excerpt from National Lampoon's "Deteriorada"
God did not create the world in 7 days;
The problem with doing something right the first time is nobody appreciates how difficult it was.
Tussman's Law: Nothing is as inevitable as a mistake whose time has come.
DEFINITION
All I want to do with my K-net Homepage webspace is present a blog that provides diversions that require some level of thinking. Not your normal thinking, not at all: Twisted requires a mind open to different ideas and viewpoints. Have a nice visit!
If all the world's a stage, I want to operate the trap door.
Yield to Temptation ... it may not pass your way again.
Mosquito. Not just a local surname,
If you can't be good, be careful. If you can't be careful, give me a call.
Does your weblog own you?
Today was okay. I had quite a productive morning but then lunch happened. I slowed down considerably and if I were asked what I did this afternoon well... It would be quite a short list. I suppose one of them was quite a big task, but still I guess I didn't get much done, seeing as it took me almost all afternoon. I guess I'm still not getting much done now... Oh well. Time for a nap to refeul and see if I can find where I hid my work ethic in my dreams. Later, Dave.
My Usual Self-Questionnaire.
What's playing? Cradle of Filth's "Better to Reign in Hell"
How am I feeling? Why? Lazy! I was out late last night at a friend's place and then I couldn't sleep. I hit the snooze button a record-tying five times this morning. I was impressed with myself by still making it to work on time.
Website Reco? "I love you" in various languages [Link] St. Valentine's Day is coming soon. No, Cree or Ojibway isn't on it, I checked.
Lots today, to make up for the lack of posts in the past week or so.
Twisted Lists.
Dribbleglass.com's Funny Town Names From Around The World [Link] Titty Ho is in England? I'm moving.
Dave's List Of Words That Are Fun To Say [Link] No... That's another Dave and not me.
Seldom Asked Questions about Japan [Link] Stuff I never really though about that country.
The Slipup Archive [Link] "Slip-Up", as used on the site, means any amusing accidental blooper or mistake that wasn't caught, and made its way to the viewing public. If someone were to lose their job everytime a slip up was made, 11784 people would have gotten in line at the unemployment office, 0 in the last two weeks. It has a text box for you to submit your own plus buttons on the right for top 25, latest 25 and to have the latest emailed to you on a weekly basis.
Top Ten Word Lists of 2003 [Link] Announced by yourDictionary.com Lists include top 10 words, top 10 names, the latest in YouthSpeak, top phrases, best and worst product names, and more.
Marketing Translation Mistakes [Link] It has all your classic idiotic marketing moves and even debunks some untrue stories.
100 MOST OFTEN MISSPELLED WORDS IN ENGLISH [Link] As brought to you by YourDictionary.Com It also has a mnemonic to help remember the correct way to spell these words.
The Lone Ranger and Tonto are camping in the desert. They set up their tent and fall asleep. Some hours later, The Lone Ranger wakes his faithful friend. "Tonto, look up at the sky and tell me what you see." Tonto replies, "Me see millions of stars." "What does that tell you?" asks The Lone Ranger. Tonto ponders for a minute and then says, "Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Timewise, it appears to be approximately 3:15 AM. Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow "What does it tell you kemosabe?"
The Lone Ranger is silent for a moment, not having gotten the answer he wanted, then yells "Tonto! someone stole our tent!"
Techie links.
(You're welcome.)
Top 20 definitions of Blog [Link] In case you were wondering.
Webopedia [Link] Confused with Internet Techie Jargon? Find it here. (I need to stop with these nerd links... eh?)
The Technorati-Sphere [Link] A map of technology websites. I'm a proud visitor to MetaFiltia, Plastiq, Fark, al Daily, Sallash Doht and Mempol. (Find them yourself! Dammit!)
url2png [Link] Convert a web address to a png image 200 pixels wide and 1000 pixels tall. I saw my webpage as a little itty bitty picture. It looks interestingly unbalanced. But this service is only up for a limited time. Too bad.
but she's been wrong before.
Every gun that is made, every warship launched, every rocket fired signifies in the final sense, a theft from those who hunger and are not fed, those who are cold and are not clothed. This world in arms is not spending money alone. It is spending the sweat of its laborers, the genius of its scientists, the hopes of its children. This is not a way of life at all in any true sense. Under the clouds of war, it is humanity hanging on a cross of iron. - Dwight Eisenhower, April 16, 1953
I'm so mean.
Last time I was in a city, I saw a disabled person in a motorized wheelchair wheeling down a bus lane and all I could think is "aren't you disabled enough? did your settlement money run out from last time?"
And I still don't feel so bad thinking it.
My Usual Self-Questionnaire.
What's playing? Faith No More's "Stripsearch"
How am I feeling? Why? No complaints, I've thawed out after coming home. Today was okay, but I doubt I'm going to go to the gym tonight for volleyball.
Website Reco? The Spark's Unintelligence Test [Link] The un-telligence test is not a measure of intelligence, so don't let the name mislead you. Instead, "un-telligence" is a measure of your ability to reason in tough situations. The higher your un-telligence, the better you are at surviving. Here's my results:
Here is the custom report of your personality that led our team of geeks to conclude (with confidence) that you are bordering on mediocrity, yet more exciting than others:
"Interesting. While the subject shows an above average level of intelligence, his sense of observation is somewhat below average. We attribute this to the egotistical nature of the subject. Actually, lions behave in the same manner, but he's smarter than any animal.
"The subject is brave, however,and shows real strength in that department.Courageousness is a large part of un-telligence.
"In addition, the subject exhibits brave tendencies, and that does a lot for his score. "But what concerns us most about him is his sinister and violent attitude. While we almost find it amusing that the subject would rather kill something than suffer a minor inconvenience, it effectively destroys his ability to survive tight situations. Our study suggests there is a 87% chance that he will end up in prison!
"Finally, the subject displayed a healthy (better than most net freaks anyway) sense of humor, a godlike (and annoying) sense of morality, and a barbaric self-confidence. The balance of these three traits is important; high levels of confidence, medium levels of morality, and a good level of humor make for the strongest individuals."
Final Score: 58% Un-telligent
The average was 60%... hmm.. I'm below average on unintelligence. Good.
Trying stuff with my new computer, hehe. Sorry about the lack of updates. I just thought I'd post something while I'm here at home for lunch. I reviewed 70-something links last night so I've got lots to post now.
Excerpt from Stanislaw Lem's "Cyberiad"
I'll grant thee random access to my heart,
Thoul't tell me all the constants of thy love;
And so we two shall all love's lemmas prove
And in our bound partition never part.
Found on lowbrow.com,
I think it's the greatest thing a person could do. Ever.:
My aunt save all her junk mail.
Then with all the postage-paid return envelopes she sends different junk mail back to the people who sent her junk mail in the first place.
I find that amusing.
- shackles@toast.com
Just Plain Twisted.
object sex [Link] First, NO! It's not like "furniture sex" where furniture is photographed in sexual positions and posted on the web. This is more of a survey, where you click on male (left) or female (right) to vote on the object's gender, whose picture is shown in the middle.
Example: Mayonaise: 4439 votes, 44.11% female and 55.89% male. Paper Towels: 4461 votes, 70.14% female and 29.86% male. Toothbrush, male. Hand soap, female. Etcetera, etc, etc....
Silly Vintage Monster Toys. [Link] When I see toy ad's on TV, it makes me realise how much toys are better these days than when I was a kid.
Panoramas.dk [Link] Panoramic pictures online. Very cool.
Commonwealth of Blogosphere States [Link] Another map.
ANTI-HERO's bedtime story books. [Link] By Satan! LOL! this is SO WORTH the time it takes to load up!
Insensitivity Cards. [Link] Featuring much needed phrases such as "Thank God you're not pregnant!" "Welvome to our Satanic Cult!" "I'm sure you'll get parole next time." and "We still can't believe you married that Jew."
Winter.
COLD SNAP! A man crossing the street is framed by icy columns of trees and parked cars. I doubt someone could tell the difference if I removed all colour and left it grayscale: [Link] Yeah, the brown tint at the middle in the original picture becomes more apparant when switching quickly between the two.
My Usual Self-Questionnaire.
What's playing? Nothing, no time to listen to music.
How am I feeling? Why? Cold, it's a bastard windchill out there.
Website Reco? VH1's 100 greatest shocking moments in rock & roll [Link] Brought to you by the chronologicalists of people who know how to live life to the craziest.
Here's what I'm working and playing with nowadays. Here it is:
As you can probably guess, it came shipped without a 3.5" floppy drive and I added my own. It wasn't black, but a little with with a black Sharpie and some electrical tape... and I have a terribly mismatched floppy drive. As previously mentioned, I've been moving over all my old data (music files, music videos, installers for programs I use, etc...) and installing all my peripherals (cams & scanner) and playing games because now alot of the demo discs I have didn't work with my old computer. It's much fun.
And here it is in the dark. Note the glowing fan light in front.
A side shot in the dark. Another fan light in the side.
Here's the light responsible for the illuminated computer guts.
My Usual Self-Questionnaire.
What's playing? Nothing, I have no new speakers or monitor for my new puter yet.
How am I feeling? Why? No complaints. How are you?
Website Reco? Subtly Simpsons [Link] A list of lines from The Simpsons TV show that the page's editors have found particularly witty, humour derived from subtleties of language, esoteric allusions, or just plain wit.
I got a new computer recently and have been moving, installing and doing stuff with it.
Tinkering around the new system, etc etc etc.
Warranty? void.
My Usual Self-Questionnaire.
What's playing? Soulfly's "Bleed"
How am I feeling? Why? Headache. I need a beer. Or five.
Website Reco? None today. or this week for that matter. expect a HUGE post this weekend after I find where I put all my old files. Labelling is useful only when used at ALL TIMES!
Why some of us are early risers. [Link] From BBC News World Edition
Ananova News: 'Ghostly' image on tape at Henry's palace. [Link] But it only has a screen capture, aaaaw..
Garfield movie coming out. [Link] Oh... My... Gosh...
I've been waiting since Roger Rabbit for a live-action Garfield movie. Plus it includes Bill Murray, Debra Messing, Jimmy Kimmel and Jen Love Hewwit. (I never, ever use the proper full name of Jennif... ever.) View the trailer, he's a cute lil furball isn't he? [Link]
NewsIsFree's Random News Page [Link] Visiting here is removing all the logos and brand names from cnn.com. Or being slapped in the face with a big, fat, Sunday edition newspaper, your eye catching all sorts of stuff as it swings by your face.
CN Tower
Sillouetted against the setting sun and the lake in the foreground. I have only one question: Why are people so afraid of the skywalk? If the CN Tower were blown up, that hard glass floor would be completely intact while the rest of it would be unrecognisable.
There are never enough hours in a day,
but always too many days before Saturday.
Keep in mind always the two constant Laws of Frisbee:
My Usual Self-Questionnaire.
What's playing? Movie: Harvard Man. Interrrressssstinnnng... Oddly reminiscent of college.
How am I feeling? Why? Huuuh?
Website Reco? deviantART - where ART meets application! [Link] An awesome art website. Has tons of artists' catharses.
Rolling Stone's 500 Greatest Albums of All Time. [Link] Nirvana's Nevermind is ONLY #17!!! [Link] OUTRAGE!!!
Music charts from all over the world [Link] If Muchmusic's Countdown isn't enough for you.
BeatleTracks - The Recordings of The Beatles [Link] I'm not sure how to explain it. It tells of how The Beatle's albums were recorded, what happened when and sometimes why it happened.
Excerpt from Stanislaw Lem's "Cyberiad"
In Riemann, Hilbert or in Banach space
Let superscripts and subscripts go their ways.
Our symptotes no longer out of phase,
We shall encounter, counting, face to face.
to transport it uphill.Excerpt from Henry David Thoreau's "Where I Live"
It is something to be able to paint a particular picture, or to carve a statue, and so to make a few objects beautiful; but it is far more glorious to carve and paint the very atmosphere and medium through which we look, which morally we can do. To affect the quality of the day, that is the highest of arts.
Emoticons
We all know those cute little computer symbols called "emoticons," where:
:) means a smile and
:( is a frown. Sometimes these are represented by
:-) and
:-( respectively.
Well, how about some "assicons"? Here goes:
(_!_) a regular ass
(__!__) a fat ass
(!) a tight ass
(_*_) a sore ass
{_!_} a swishy ass
(_o_) an ass that's been around
(_x_) kiss my ass
(_X_) leave my ass alone
(_zzz_) a tired ass
(_E=mc2_) a smart ass
(_$_) Money coming out of his ass
(_?_) Dumb Ass
My Usual Self-Questionnaire.
What's playing? The Rolling Stones' "Paint It Black" covered by The Tea Party.
How am I feeling? Why? Good mood, few complaints: I'm sick of this runny nose, sore throat and hurting nasal cavity. I'm also kind of dreading working on more links to post seeing as I'm down to my last prepared one. But, I've got another 60-something bookmarks to review, prepare and post later on so watch out for them all. I just can't stop finding this kind of stuff.
Website Reco? Paper Airplanes [Link] Ken Blackburn is a Guinness book of world records record holder because of a flight of 27.6 seconds. If anyone has good advice about paper airplanes, this guy is your man. ("Too much time on someone's hands" alert!)
Shoot fireworks! [Link] You have five firework types and can even select the city. Shame on your dumb@$$ if you have to press the help button.
bluesuburbia [Link] A Shockwave Flash website where you go into the mansion and find hidden poems. Tip: Go into the window and check under the bottle for the first poem. Then go out the door for more.
Trampoline Tricks 2 [Link] A Shockwave Flash game.
Have you every wondered if the library were like Amazon.com? [Link]
Floating Museum
The USS Midway is a newer floating museum, sillouetted against a brightly lit Manhattan night.
Here is a fun way to waste some free time. Find out what Google says about you.
Do a Google search using a simple statement like "***** is" but substitute your first name in place of the asterisks and look at the top 10 results to see what Google says about you.
My Usual Self-Questionnaire.
What's playing? Nothing, just the sound of my system fan cooling my cpu.
How am I feeling? Why? Sluggish. I haven't had my morning tea yet. I want to post more and more on this blog, but the days seem to pass slow so I guess I'll post bigger posts. I'll start by making this one longer... And longer...
Website Reco? The dullest blog in the world [Link] See? I TOLD you I didn't have the dullest blog in the world.
I just couldn't wait to post this.
I had my first brush with pictures of people posing dead in the movie Ginger Snaps [Link] (Part 2 is coming soon!) and didn't think much of it other than it being something that caught my eye and made me think for a few seconds, ("Hmm, she even looks sexy dead-OH-she's alive!") but apparantly there's others who have taken it all the way with Dead Asylum [Link] Now I find myself thinking of poses, recipes for fake blood and locations to photograph myself, I hope nothing comes of it.
Watch for updates... ?
4, 3 to hold it down and 1 to rip its head off.
My Usual Self-Questionnaire.
What's playing? Nothing, I'm between movies at the Mayfair. I just saw Looney Tunes Back In Action and now I'm heading off to see Matrix Revolutions.
How am I feeling? Why? Runny nose, but I'm still chuckling from the end of Looney Tunes. Do you remember how Porky Pig stutters at the end of every cartoon before saying "that's all folks?" Well, he just kept stuttering and never got to saying "that's all folks," heh-heh-heh. It was unexpectedly funny. Steve Martin as the villain was a good choice.
Website Reco? Chaser [Link] Pills that guarantee no hangover. I need to stock up on this stuff and sell it locally, man. Wow, think of the money I'd make.
Netscape Network's "Men's Channel" [Link] Let's see, what's there? Hot Searches, Health links, Stuff for Guys, Games, Babe of the Day, More Babes, More Babes, Funny Tests, Relevant Articles, Irrelevant Articles, Diversions, Sports and Netscape-rated Essential Links. Jackpot!
Say Magazine. [Link] Quarterly periodical aboriginal magazine. I've only seen the Fall 2003 edition so far, but it looks crisp and professional with the excellent combination of good writing and interesting stories. I wonder if Jamie Monastyrski and Harmony Rice are behind this? They had a good magazine out late 1900's but if didn't sell so well. That was a shame because it was such a good read.
DaveBARRY, The Official Dave Barry Blog. [Link] Because he has to do something other than his Sunday humour article.
Spirit Magazine [Link] Jamie and Harmony's new stomping ground. I searched their names to see if I had it spelled correctly (I did) and found this. Sweet, huh? SPIRIT Magazine is a national current affairs, arts & culture magazine committed to featuring culturally relevant stories on the experiences of Aboriginal people. SPIRIT encourages diversity in the Canadian media and globally by publishing a magazine that looks at the world from a different point of view, an Indigenous view that is ... They also have an image of a feather with the words "History = Revolution" on it. There's something to think about for a bit.
Idle Type [Link] DISTRACTING YOUR BRAINS OUT Kind of like I'm trying to do here. This is a good website that also provides diversions but has been slow since early November 2003. Mr. Idle Type says No, I haven't died. No, I'm not in jail. No, I'm not protesting anything. No, I'm not bed-ridden with depression. No, I didn't lose my job. No, John Ashcroft did not confiscated my computer. No, I'm not hearing voices. No, I don't hate all of you. And no, I'm not angry. (Well ... I am kind of angry, but what's new?) in his last post from just before Christmas. But he say's that he will be back and provides alternatives in Idle Type's absence.
Tomorrow I'll probably still be a dog.
Sigh! There's so little hope for advancement.
- Snoopy
It's generally agreed that "Stairway To Heaven" is Led Zepplin's most mushy romantic song.
Way back in the 1960's, before pantyhose took all the fun out of the world, small holes in nylon stockings would eventually expand up and down into a "run" that went from top to bottom of the stocking. In Britain, a "run" was generally called a "ladder," except on Saturday nights, when it was known as a "stairway to heaven."
When two people are under the influence of the most violent, most insane, most delusive, and most transient of passions, they are required to swear that they will remain in that excited, abnormal, and exhausting condition continuously until death do them part. - George Bernard Shaw
My Usual Self-Questionnaire.
What's playing? Placebo's "Pure Morning"
How am I feeling? Why? My nose is still runny and yesterday I wouldn't weightlift because nothing felt right and then I didn't get much sleep because I stayed up late playing games and working on stuff for my blog (making link themes and captions for pictures, that sort of thing). So now I'm lazy today cuz of lack of sleep and I'm sickly. I need a bowl of chicken soup, some ibuprofen, more cough drops and a jug of OJ with the pulp not removed.
Website Reco? Help John Get Divorced Dot Com [Link] On Jan 14, it has been 567 days that John has been trying to get divorced.
This poor guy...
Quiz - Are You Grammatically Incorrect? [Link] I'm 80% grammatically correct! HAHAHAHA Beat that!
The Metrosexual Quiz [Link] I got 40%, but only because of my goth phase.
Birthday Stars [Link] "One light year is the distance light travels in a year: 5,878,499,812,499 miles. The closest star apart from the Sun is 4.2 light years away, so its light takes 4.2 years to reach Earth. Tell the Birthday Stars computer when you were born, and it will look for a star that is your age in light years away from Earth."
Pholph's Scrabble Score Generator v1.0 [Link] Enter your name or anything you please, and it will give you the score it would get if you were playing scrabble and put that down. Example:
Pholph's Scrabble Generator 
My Scrabble© Score is: 28.
What is your score? Get it here.
My Usual Self-Questionnaire.
What's playing? Nothing, it is silent in here.
How am I feeling? Why? Frustrated with my runny nose.
Website Reco? A discussion thread on Ask Metafilter [Link] about good animated TV show/miniseries to watch.
::: posted by Spook at Friday, January 16, 2004 | |
There is no realizable power that man cannot, in time, fashion the tools to attain, nor any power so secure that the naked ape will not abuse it. So it is written in the genetic cards -- only physics and war hold him in check. And also the wife who wants him home by five, of course.- Encyclopadia Apocryphia, 1990 ed.
NASA Photo of Messier 81, enhanced by their new space telescope.
My Usual Self-Questionnaire.
What's playing? Marilyn Manson's "The Beautiful People"
How am I feeling? Why? Sick and I don't want to go to work today. But it's only a runny nose so I don't have enough excuse to go.
Website Reco? The Origin of John Doe [Link] Apparantly, he was a fictional land tenant who got sued a lot. This guy must have been really unpopular for about 400 years. (15th to 19th centuries) Ho-hum.
"You know, it's at times like this when I'm trapped in a Vogon airlock with a man from Betelgeuse and about to die of asphyxiation in deep space that I really wish I'd listened to what my mother told me when I was young!"
"Why, what did she tell you?"
"I don't know, I didn't listen!"
This is not your normal list of galleries. This is a list of galleries, art-inspired or art-related websites as twisted by Dave.
You can never be sure how many beers you had last night.
My Usual Self-Questionnaire.
What's playing? Eric Clapton's "Tears In Heaven" It's good wake-up music.
How am I feeling? Why? Pretty good. I'm actually kind of looking forward to the rest of the day.
Website Reco? How Do You Feel? [Link] Click on a happy or sad face and see the results from everyone who visits that day.
"A programmer is a person who passes as an exacting expert on the basis of being able to turn out, after innumerable punching, an infinite series of incomprehensive answers calculated with micrometric precisions from vague assumptions based on debatable figures taken from inconclusive documents and carried out on instruments of problematical accuracy by persons of dubious reliability and questionable mentality for the avowed purpose of
annoying and confounding a hopelessly defenseless department that was unfortunate enough to ask for the information in the first place."
::: posted by Spook at Tuesday, January 13, 2004 | |
Buzz off, Banana Nose; Relieve mine eyes
Of hateful soreness, purge mine ears of corn;
Less dear than army ants in apple pies
Art thou, old prune-face, with thy chestnuts worn,
Dropt from thy peeling lips like lousy fruit;
Like honeybees upon the perfum'd rose
They suck, and like the double-breasted suit
Are out of date; therefore, Banana Nose,
Go fly a kite, thy welcome's overstayed;
And stem the produce of thy waspish wits:
Thy logick, like thy locks, is disarrayed;
Thy cheer, like thy complexion, is the pits.
Be off, I say; go bug somebody new,
Scram, beat it, get thee hence, and nuts to you.
Apart from the script, you need stuff to say. So here's some pages on writing dialogue:
From The Screenwriter's Homepage. [Link] Writing dialogue for the screen.
If your dialogue writing sucks... [Link] Get Help.
FictionAddiction.NET's Industry Interview [Link] Tips from Sol Stein, a writer who writes on writing. (That's cheesy, I know)
Dialogue Tips [Link] From Nestle's old "Write Around New Zealand" [Link] competition from 2002. I can't believe they left that up there.
My Usual Self-Questionnaire.
What's playing? Bulletproof Nothing's "Pummel Plane"
How am I feeling? Why? Still cold, but warming up a bit.
Website Reco? CIA Museum [Link] It even has the Enigma Coding Machine [Link] used in WWII by the Germans.
Top 3 things NOT to say after sex:
That was IT??
think I hear my mom calling me ---- see ya
OOPS, the condom broke! My bad!
My Usual Self-Questionnaire.
What's playing? Amorphis' "Alone"
How am I feeling? Why? Cold. I just came from outside.
Website Reco? Mars Attacks [Link] In 1962, Topps released the bubble-gum cards known as "Mars Attacks". They were the creation of Len Brown and Woody Gelman. They were painted by the famous pulp-comic artist, Norm Saunders. That's Gallery One, here's Two [Link] and Three [Link]. It's also got the Mars Attacks story that goes at the back of the cards below the images on the pages.
Let's start off the week with a little bit of fun, so here's some alcoholic links that I believe may interest you.
Modern Drunkard Magazine
[Link] I found all these links HERE! Just think what I didn't post here on Twisted.
365 Reasons To Get Drunk
[Link] An entire year of exc-OOPS, reasons to pop open a cold one. Or ten.
Etiquette For Inebriates
[Link] "Modern manners for modern drunkards."
86 Rules For Boozing
[Link] "There's more to it than tipping a glass and acting foolish"
Picture of a a snowflake, thanks to National Geographic. No two are alike in size, shape or molecular count. I bet you didn't know about that last one...
Abandon the search for the truth, settle for a good fantasy.
My Usual Self-Questionnaire.
What's playing? Metallica's "Whiskey In A Jar"
How am I feeling? Why? Sick and sore. Normal for a Monday morning considering my weekends. Don't ask, heheheheh.
Website Reco? 20 ways to monkey with telemarketers [Link] And Number 21 ... Throw poo at the phone.
Crazy stuff I find in all sorts of places. I had too many to post so I'm just posting a whole whack-load of them now. This is definitely going to be one of my better posts.
Stressbusting. [Link] Holy Smokes! There's a lot here! Relevant questions, helpful therapies, coping strategies, life advice and even suggested wedradio broadcasts. Is there something you're not satisfied with? Anything at all. It's probably here.
Sasquatch Militia [Link] The Republic of Cascadia wants YOU, you damn dirty ape-man.
The Calvin & Hobbes and Fight Club Connection [Link] Hey, guess what? Jack, Calvin, Tyler and Hobbes are all the same person, as proved by the thesis presented here.
Psychoanalyze Yourself! [Link] A short 10-question psychoanalysis, whose author is unknown but clever.
Newton's Penguins [Link] A shockwave game showing that for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. Do you remember those swing silver balls where you pull one away and let it drop to hit the others and the last ball on the other side swings away? Yeah... penguins.
Sin Soap! [Link] Wash away sins! Hmm... I could use some of that.
Grover Is Bitter [Link] "The Sad Story Behind That Lovable Smile"
Promotion for: The Imaginary World Wide Web Page! [Link] Getting burned out on the World Wide Web already? Tired of having to sift through megabytes of garbage to find the good stuff? Seen enough ``[insert adjective here] Site Of The Day'' pages? Too many personal web pages that are not so personal? Sick of ``404 File Not Found'' messages? Annoying ``Under Construction'' icons getting you down?You can pretend it's any page you want it to be. You can pretend it's not what you don't want it to be. Hell, you can even pretend it's what you don't want it to be. Or not what you want it to be.
I Typed in "miserable failure" into Google. I'm not sure why, but OWCH, DATS GOTTA HOIT! [Link]
Internet Killed The Video Star. [Link] A Shockwave Flash music file.
6 Ways to make Santa's Naughty List [Link] HEHEHEHEHEH, replace his reindeer.... I wish I had found this MUCH earlier, like, BEFORE Christmas.
Satirical Celebrity Personals Ads [Link]
The Most PHALLIC Building in the World [Link] Yes, phallic.
BarbieOS [Link] A Linux Distro for Barbie. I find the idea HILARIOUS!!! (But as the article says, it's already a proven cash-cow for Mattel.)
Brain Alphabet [Link] Eeeewwww! Grrossss! Cooool! It has a small white area where you can drag letters and spell a word and other hidden images.
Feline Evolution Cat Seat [Link] Toilet seat for cats. No, really. I'm not pulling your leg. It offers "Lift & Toss" if it's on the floor or "Simply Flush" if it's on the toilet bowl.
Acid Trip [Link] 9 drawings done by an artist stoned on LSD. This was a test by the US government during it's dalliance with psychotomimetic drugs in the late 1950's. The artist was given LSD 25 and drawing tools. Sounds like he had fun.
"Ooo, pretty..." as said by my niece.
Sex Is fun [7/8]
Top 3 things to say after sex:
Are you sure this was you're first time?
Gotta cigarette?
Wanna do it again?
Excerpt from Stanislaw Lem's "Cyberiad"
Everyone knows that dragons don't exist. But while this simplistic formulation may satisfy the layman, it does not suffice for the scientific mind. The School of Higher Neantical Nillity is in fact wholly unconcerned with what does exist. Indeed, the banality of existence has been so amply demonstrated, there is no need for us to discuss it any further here. The brilliant Cerebron, attacking the problem analytically, discovered three distinct kinds of dragon: the mythical, the chimerical, and the purely hypothetical. They were all, one might say, nonexistent, but each nonexisted in an entirely different way ... -
My Usual Self-Questionnaire.
What's playing? Disturbed's "Awaken"
How am I feeling? Why? Apologetic. I haven't been updating my homepage and I'm making up for it with some posts
Website Reco? Brains In a Vat [Link] While you were sleeping last night, an evil scientist sneaked into your room, anesthetized you, kidnapped you, and took you back to her laboratory. Once there, the scientist removed your brain, put it in a vat, and hooked it up to a sophisticated computer with a remarkable program that allows it to feed your nerve endings signals that duplicate the sensory impulses that usually inform your brain about what your body is doing and where you are. You wake up in what looks like your body, in what looks like your bed, put on what appear to be your slippers, and go about what appears to be your normal life.
The T.W.I.N.K.I.E.S. Project. [Link] T.W.I.N.K.I.E.S. stands for Tests With Inorganic Noxious Kakes In Extreme Situations. It is a series of experiments conducted during finals week, 1995, at Rice University. The tests were designed to determine the properties of that incredible food, the Twinkie. Here's a short summary of what they discovered:
Remember that whatever misfortune may be your lot,
it could only be worse in Cleveland.
There is a theory that states: "If anyone finds out what the universe is for it will disappear and be replaced by something more bazaarly inexplicable."
There is another theory that states: "This has already happened ...."
My Usual Self-Questionnaire.
What's playing? Amorphis' "Too Much To See"
How am I feeling? Why? Human. Thursday I was out and yesterday I was hungover. Anything close to me or loud made my headache worse so I'm quite glad I feel human again.
Website Reco? The NONVERBAL DICTIONARY of GESTURES, SIGNS & BODY LANGUAGE CUES [Link] Everything in here has been researched by anthropologists, archaeologists, biologists, linguists, psychiatrists, psychologists, semioticians, and others who have studied human communication from a scientific point of view. I was only wondering what "antigravity signs" [Link] meant because my brain decided to push that phrase to the front of my mind and I couldn't remember where I learned it.
Top three things NOT to say before having sex:
Is this gunna hurt?
Sure....I've done this thousands of times...
Are you sure it's in there?
Brent Moffatt from Winnipeg, Canada, pierces himself with surgical needles as he sets a Guinness record for most body piercings, in Montreal, December 13, 2003. Moffatt inserted 900 needles into his legs to break his previous record of 702 piercings.
Previous record? Impressed, I am.
My Usual Self-Questionnaire.
What's playing? Marilyn Manson's "This Is The New S**t"
How am I feeling? Why? Hungry, because it's lunchtime.
Website Reco? The Viewable With Any Browser Campaign [Link] Netscape Only? Internet Explorer Only? These people are sick of those tags.
Top three things to say before having sex:
I love you (but only if you mean it)
Rock my world
Let's get ready to RUMBLE...
From Monday morning:
I'm such an instigator for confusion.
This morning I called a branch office in my organization and someone picked up the phone before it could ring and I heard "*beep* *beep* *boop* *bip* *beep* *boop* *bip* Hello?" So I said, "Hello, you have the wrong number." We had a good laugh because she had recognized my voice.
That, on a Monday morning, has got to make the week start a little less harsh.
Excerpt from Stanislaw Lem's "Cyberiad"
Cancel me not -- for what then shall remain?
Abscissas, some mantissas, modules, modes,
A root or two, a torus and a node:
The inverse of my verse, a null domain.
My Usual Self-Questionnaire.
What's playing? Lollipop Lust Kill's "Everything, I"
How am I feeling? Why? Feeling good. I'm back on my exercise wagon with a full-body workout last night and 20 minutes on my recumbant bike this morning. And breakfast is tasting pretty good. I hope work today is as good as this. I had been out of the weightroom for the past two months because I had pulled a tendon in my back in early November. I applied for a membership extension because I had stayed away from the Rec Centre all that time, I hope it's approved.
Website Reco? Dreems [Link] You have to try this, this is so funny when you're mildly intoxicated. It's one drawing... no wait. It's 25 drawings.. Umm... It's 150 drawings. I think.
They make a wicked pair.
Other Storm Related Pictures
SCARY PIX OF HURRICANE CLAUDETTE - 1 [Link]
STORM FRONT COMING IN! [Link]
SCARY PIX OF HURRICANE CLAUDETTE - 2 [Link]
WORLDS ONLY 100% ACCURATE WEATHER STATION [Link]
My Usual Self-Questionnaire.
What's playing? Nothing, just the tapping and clicking of my keyboard.
How am I feeling? Why? Tired, I'm going to sleep quite soon.
Website Reco? Wawatay [Link] Our local biweekly news periodical. (I told you I was tired, I'm even too tired to get an original link - Dave)
My Usual Self-Questionnaire.
What's playing? Filter's "I'm Not The Only One"
How am I feeling? Why? Feeling pretty good about myself. I just added tables to my posts and applied it to my entire website. PROGRESS!! I still want to mess around with the header and description, but that can wait. I'm also dreading going outside because it's so damn cold.
Website Reco? Sioux Lookout's weather forecast [Link] as by Environment Canada. It's one of the sites I visit in the morning to decide how warm or waterproof to dress that day. The other one is Weather.Com's Travel Forecast for Sioux Lookout, Canada. [Link] This one has a forecast every three hours on 12, 3, 6 and 9 on the "today/tonight" link.
Top 10 Places NOT to have sex:
In the movies
In a car... WHILE YOU'RE DRIVING!
In front of all of your friends
In a phonebooth
In your best friend's bed
At Grandma's house
At school
In your dirty basement
In the street
ON-LINE
he screwed around for 6 days and then pulled an all-nighter.
We here at sorrycow are dedicated to getting 1,000,000 signatures in a reasonable timespan. At our current rate of signatures, it will take us 45 years to reach this goal! I was #22,024 to sign the apology. My note doesn't help much. Here's the e-mail I got back after signing the apology:
Hey dave!
Thanks for saying "sorry, cow" to all those cows you have
consumed, drank, and worn.
As soon as we read your apology to a cow, we will email you and let
you know. It might be a few months or years from now when the list is
big enough. So, help us do that faster by telling your friends to
come apologize!
Thanks,
-Sorry, Cow Staff
My Usual Self-Questionnaire.
What's playing? Finger Eleven's "Good Times"
How am I feeling? Why? I'm a little tired but otherwise in a pretty good mood.
Website Reco? Visuals: NASA Releases Dazzling Images from New Space Telescope [Link] They Really are dazzling.
Dog? [Link]
Cat? [Link]
Mate? [Link]
Lover? [Link]
Yuri's Kigurumi. [Link] This is Yuri and Yuri does Kigurumi. It's dressing up as an anime character. Yuri's webcam really freaked me out. [Link] I saw the webcam before the website so... I didn't know what the hell I was looking at. It was 3 a.m. I was tired and there's this living anime woman on her webcam. I just couldn't stop looking and then I clicked on her link and then...
My Usual Self-Questionnaire.
What's playing? Nothing at the moment. I feel like I want to listen to something slow playing to groove to before I go to sleep.
How am I feeling? Why? I'm kind of bored, I was at a club earlier and socializing a bit. I was mainly haning out with my buddy but people were sitting with us every now and then.
Website Reco? I AM BORED [Link] This is the most non-monotone declaration of boredom and rambling thoughts on boredom that I have ever seen. Even on K-Net!
Top 10 Places to have sex:
In your bed
In your parents bed
In a car
On a washing machine, while running
In a hot tub
On a beach, down in the sand
On a comfy couch with the TV on
On a waterbed
A plane bathroom
In the rain
My Usual Self-Questionnaire.
What's playing? The Simpson's on FOX, it's a pretty funny episode. But it's a little preachy.
How am I feeling? Why? I'm kinda buzzing. I've had five drinks here at my friend's place. What a nice Sunday. Oh no, Bernie Mac is on, it kind of sucks now. What happened to his "summummabitch" jokes? It's all gone!
Website Reco? This looks like fun [Link] The Rowing Bike! Yes, we all know how rowing burns more calories than biking, but... That guy in the animation (just click the link) at the top left looks plain silly. I wonder how long before champion rowers enter in the Tour de France?
(I came up with this because I felt I needed some sort of goal in mind to keep it interesting. I didn't want to pigeonhole my website, but oh well, that's okay. I was getting lots of questions anyway. I'll be posting this manifesto as a separate page soon to emphasize its importance to Twisted.)
man·i·fes·to
A public declaration of principles, policies, or intentions,
especially of a political nature.
After all, I'm not normal. Also, I would like to include a chance for visitors to give their input along the way, should they think I've missed something.
Sex is:
like Nokia (connecting people)
like Nike (Just do it)
like Pepsi (ask for more)
like Coca Cola (Enjoy)
like me (too good to be true)
My Usual Self-Questionnaire.
What's playing? Megadeth's "Use The Man"
How am I feeling? Why? Dreading this cold I have to take a walk in. It's -25 and -31 in the wind. It's gonna suck. I'm also kind of happy because I surfed for a solid two hours and found about 80 web pages or sites I can link to here in posts.[
Website Reco? seamless city [Link] "Seamless City is a continuous visual image of the city made up of sequential photos of a walk through the city shot from a pedestrian point of view. Each image is visually connected to the next as the objects are in the real world." It's a 30 mile long continuous portrait of San Francisco. I wonder if I should try this with Sioux Lookout, one end of Front Street to the other? (I can see my house from here!)
You should have SEX on days that begin with T:
Thanksgiving,
Tuesday,
Thursday,
Today,
Tomorrow,
Thaturday?
Thunday?
Every Thucking day!
What's a MondeGreen? [Link] It's misheard word or phrase and happens a lot in song lyrics, but can be anytime someone hears something other than the intended words. The link also has the etymology of the word itself.
Here's some of my favourites:
Jimi Hendrix's Purple Haze "Kiss the sky" is often misheard as "Kiss this guy."
Nirvana's About A Girl "Aqua seafoam shame" as "I can't see for shame"
Queen's Bohemian Rhapsody "Open your eyes, Look up to the sky and see" as "Open your eyes, Look up to the sky and heave"
Metallica's And Justice for All "And justice for all" as "Unjustice for all"
More:
Am I Right's Misheard Lyrics. [Link] A cesspool of "miss sea rings."
Kiss This Guy [Link] Because Jimi Hendrix's mistake is so famour.
Jon Carrol [Link] This guy does this for a living.
Mad Gab [Link] Why not? It's MondeGreen's child.
Lazarus Long, "Time Enough for Love"
My Usual Self-Questionnaire.
What's playing? Cradle of Filth's "Hurt And Virtue"
How am I feeling? Why? Rested, I slept in a looonnnng time then played playstation from bed for an hour before finally leaving bed.
Website Reco? Ruler of the Universe [Link] Spook has ruled the universe since Fri Jan 02 16:27:27 2004 (Central) Actual average duration of reign for past 1000 rulers is 19 minutes 36 seconds. Still better than 15 minutes of fame. Hmmph! My reign only lasted one minute and fifteen seconds before I was replaced as ruler. See the list of 20 Most Recent Rules. [Link]
Paintball.Org [Link] One of the best websites on paintball.
PaintBall.Com's Newbies page [Link] Just because I didn't think you'd click here yourself. It's really worth the time to click on it.
PaintBall.Com [Link] Commercially oriented, but still worth a look.
DirectPaintball.com'd Paintball Game Variations [Link] Types of games and their rules. "Top Gun" looks like fun.
Paintball Art [Link] Just cheap images. It's all I could find.
Howstuffworks "How Paintball Works" [Link] The technical aspects of paintball. The "nerd link" of the bunch.
but also the Official Ontario Provincial Bird.
If You Hate Your Job....!
When you have an "I hate my job" day, try this. On your way home from work, stop at your pharmacy and go to the thermometer section. Purchase a rectal thermometer made by Johnson and Johnson. Be very sure you get this brand.
When you get home, lock your doors, draw the curtains and disconnect the phone so you will not be disturbed. Change into very comfortable clothing and lay down on your bed. Open the package and remove the thermometer. Carefully place it on the bedside table so that it will not become chipped or broken. Take out the literature and read it very carefully.
You will notice that in small print there is a statement.
"Every rectal thermometer made by Johnson and Johnson is personally tested". Now, close your eyes and repeat out loud five times: "I am sooo glad I do not work for quality control at Johnson and Johnson? Have a nice day and remember, there is always someone with a worse job than yours.
My Usual Self-Questionnaire.
What's playing? Korn's Take A Look In The Mirror CD. I like to listen to entire discs.
How am I feeling? Why? Full and content. Happy. *BURRRP* I just finished eating supper.
Website Reco? Metrosexual? [Link] What's that? Oh...
More of the same... er... no... more different stuff.
The Home of Seldom Used Words [Link] Click on "Random" for a word you haven't seen in a while.
The Electronica Genre Generator [Link] It says: "with ths handy-dandy tool, you will discover over 1645 possible subgenres!" I admit that electronica is pretty cool when the timing is right, but do you really NEED 1645 subgenres?
The Random Knowledge Generator [Link] I knew that...
I just made a very obvious connection.
I can keep posting stuff like I'm posting now on my website if I search for stuff I've already posted and the results page(s) will have more stuff that's like the stuff I've posted.
I suppose I could call it "keeping my flavour true."
Hehehehehe.... I love thinking while suffering through a severe hangover. They make the simplest ideas seem so... smart.
My Usual Self-Questionnaire.
What's playing? A movie... it's not very good and not holding my attention very well. The movie script has two elements in it: cheesiness and corniness.
How am I feeling? Why? Mildly entertained. I'm glad I had most of my posts prepared beforehand in a pool of content. I just pick and choose.
Website Reco? When do you celebrate New Year in orbit? [Link] With the new year upon us and having celebrated as the time zones chimed at midnight across the world, but when do astronauts celebrate?
Drunken Dialing
DAILY BLEED
Strong Bad E-Mail #121
Links for Tuesday
And now to my idea
Joke
Lowbrow Moment (another)
Lowbrow Moment
Banished Words List: 2005
(Archives are below)
My Stuff
Twisted Home
About Spook (My Homepage)
Spring's Blog
About As Twisted By Dave / Twisted Manifesto
Hate Mail
RSS Site Feed
Join Twisted?
What's a "Lowbrow Moment?" You can also Check Here
Comments? Questions? Suggestions? Something to submit? Just wanna say hello? Post it here.
| Dave's "Aboriginal Website/Homepage Ring" Ring Owner: dave Site: As Twisted By Dave |
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CKDR
Dave Barry
Sunshine Girl
Bug Me Not *new
Lowbrow.Org *new
Lowbrow.Com *new
NG's Pic of the Day
Yahoo's Most E-Mailed Pix
Twisted Comic Picks *new
Reference Desk
MetaCrawler
Poems.Com
Stick Death
Halfbakery
Wikipedia
Metafilter
Garfield
Dilbert
Canoe
Shift
Zed
Recommended Aboriginal Reads
## Blogs ##
Anishaboy
Sweet Complexity
From the perspective of a PAGAK! in a tree
The Journal of Spring.
Reality Distorted
+ Catch A Falling Star +
petroscription :// artifact 4000
scott's Page of picto-graphic impressions
Adventures of Snapmouse
..:SH@PESHIF+ER:..
Jones fortune cookie sez...
STL04
::my trip to felicity::
## Websites ##
APTN
Wawatay
Wind Speaker
Say Magazine
Nativeagle
Indian Country
Native American History
Ojibway Culture and History
Native Online
4thw0rld
RezFox Dating
Native Radio
Turning Point
I'm #24.
#!/usr/bin/geek
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moon phases |
#1 Stranger