::: Wednesday, December 31, 2003 :::

::: posted by Spook at Wednesday, December 31, 2003 | |  

Here's what I was reading (then subsequentially thinking) in some elementary math class oh-so-long ago.

1: If Nerd on the planet Nutley starts out in his spaceship at 20 KPH, and his speed doubles every 3.2 seconds, how long will it be before he exceeds the speed of light? (Never... But, how long will it be before the Galactic Patrol picks up the pieces of his spaceship?)

2: If Roger Rowdy wrecks his car every week, and each week he breaks twice as many bones as before, how long will it be before he breaks every bone in his body? (He'll probably die after he breaks his skull about the third crash. How long will it be before they cut off his insurance? Where does he get a new car every week?)

3: If Johnson drinks one beer the first hour (slow start), four beers the next hour, nine beers the next, etc., and stacks the cans in a pyramid, how soon will Johnson's pyramid be larger than King Tut's? (SOON? What will his blood alcohol level be? 1000%? Or is Johnson in college?)

Excerpt from Stanislaw Lem's "Cyberiad"

When the Universe was not so out of whack as it is today, and all the
stars were lined up in their proper places, you could easily count them
from left to right, or top to bottom, and the larger and bluer ones
were set apart, and the smaller yellowing types pushed off to the
corners as bodies of a lower grade ...

Happy New Year!

I don't have much to say on it because I think I kind of want to keep this blog "timeless."

:^D

I'm just going with the flow tonight. And the flow always goes strong on nights like these.

My Usual Self-Questionnaire.
What's playing? Jonathan Davis' "Slept So Long" performed by Jay Gordon.
How am I feeling? Why? Alright, no complaints. Looking forward to Midnight
Website Reco? YAMAHA MOTOR - PAPER CRAFT [Link] They look REALLY realistic, it's amazing.

::: Tuesday, December 30, 2003 :::

::: posted by Spook at Tuesday, December 30, 2003 | |  

You may have noticed a bunch of things that generate random stuff... Here's two more I think are worth a few reloads:

Look! Cute Little Kittens! [Link] An image of a cute litle kitten (like the title says) everytime you visit or hit reload.

The Postmodernism Generator [Link] It produces random essays using the Dada Engine, a system for generating random text from recursive grammars. Or something. I dare you to try and understand what it says...

The Acronym Liar [Link] False acronyms generated at random. You Don't put in the acronym, you put in a word to be included in the acronym. So NO! You cannot put in a naughty word to make into an acronym, which isn't good, cuz I was looking forward to having so much fun with it before I clicked on the link.

My Usual Self-Questionnaire.
What's playing? Faith No More's "Last Cup Of Sorrow"
How am I feeling? Why? Tired because it's late and I haven't been getting much sleep.
Website Reco? explodingdog.com [Link] Did I link this before? Yes? No? I don't remember... but it's worth repeating. Sam, the artist, makes a new picture almost everyday from suggestions from visitors to explodingdog.

::: Monday, December 29, 2003 :::

::: posted by Spook at Monday, December 29, 2003 | |  

I only get New Year's Day off :( *WAAAH*

But it's going to be a tough one, especially working for a children's aid society and having just had a four and a half days of office closure. It was pretty busy this morning, even though it seems like half the office is on vacation.

My Usual Self-Questionnaire.
What's playing? Finger Eleven's "One Thing" (I wonder if there's any remixes?)
How am I feeling? Why? Pressed for time. I slept in and have been on the go since that very second I realised I had to RUUUUUNNNN!!!!!
Website Reco? Paintball Variety - Game Variations [Link] Just some of the stuff I'd like to try out. Especially "Top Gun," (aka Iron Man) a one-on-one game.

::: Sunday, December 28, 2003 :::

Paintball pics

::: posted by Spook at Sunday, December 28, 2003 | |  

As promised, here's my gun, paintballs and CO2.

There's my target, a CD nailed to a piece of plywood. I wanted to get a "before" picture, but you get the idea. The yellow stuff is the paint.

There's a closeup of the CD along with the splatter of the paint and paint shell fragments.

I missed... here's what the paintball did to the hard, slushy snow.

An even closer shot of the damaged CD.

There's where I was shooting at. On the left edge, you can see where I missed and on the plywood you can see a little shoe. I painted that sucker good.

Here's a pic of the shoe before I hit it... See all the red on the plywood and the marks on the tree?

My discarded CO2 cylinder, it wasn't out but the paintballs were started to go slow and dropping a little, making me hit the ground more than the plywood target.


My Usual Self-Questionnaire.
What's playing? Amorphis' "Higher Ground"
How am I feeling? Why? Kinda tired, I didn't sleep very much last night and did quite a bit today.
Website Reco? Leon's Random Generators [Link] Get band names, lyrics, jokes, advice, comics, essays and websites. It even has a translator that " takes text as input and returns a much clearer version. It reveals the lines written between the lines, which frequently share little resemblance to the original."

Paintball marker shenanigans

::: posted by Spook at Sunday, December 28, 2003 | |  

I finally went out side to test out my marker. I also spent a whole lot of surfing time on reading up on the sport of paintball. It looks like fun and squeezing out rounds from my marker was sure fun. I took pictures of the target I made and the destruction that was caused so I'll get those posted in addition to the pic of my marker and stuff.

Paintball Story: When I was in college, some of us students went to a couple paintball places in and around Thunder Bay. One on Onion Road and the other near Intercity Mall in a warehouse. Anyway... At Onion Road, my first paintball experience, the paintball range was in the woods with bunkers and other stuff to hide behind set up. This guy, who was in the culinary program and whom we called "Chef", was "marked" in the crotch. He spent a half hour dry heaving and the rest of the afternoon nauseous. He said it was like when he played catcher on baseball and didn't wear a cup. Owch.

I also want to comment on the correct term for "paintball gun", which is "marker". This is terribly misleading and makes newbies feel safe from pain. Trust me, there is pain when you're hit by a paintball and it leaves a bruise and/or a welt the size of a quarter. I read somewhere that a few thin layers are much better at preventing pain and bruising than one thick layer and all the nifty outfits competitive paintballers wear are only for intimidation because they'll get you just as well in those as with some old, baggy clothes.


Here's some unidentified birds (crows?) flying by the moon. I'm sorry I couldn't find a bigger picture so you could set it ask desktop wallpaper. Nice picture, I found it somewhere on Yahoo.

My Usual Self-Questionnaire.
What's playing? Live's "Lightning Crashes" Live on MTV Unplugged.
How am I feeling? Why? Doin' Fine.
Website Reco? Paintball.com's Newbie Page [Link] By far, the best newbie page I found in my hour of surfing and reading.

Lyrix

::: posted by Spook at Sunday, December 28, 2003 | |  

Across the Universe
Writer, lead vocal: John Lennon

Words are flowing out like endless rain into a paper cup,
They slither while they pass, they slip away across the universe
Pools of sorrow, waves of joy are drifting through my open mind,
Possessing and caressing me.
Jai guru deva om
Nothing's gonna change my world,
Nothing's gonna change my world.
Images of broken light which dance before me like a million eyes,
They call me on and on across the universe,
Thoughts meander like a restless wind inside a letter box they
Tumble blindly as they make their way
Across the universe
Jai guru deva om
Nothing's gonna change my world,
Nothing's gonna change my world.

Sounds of laughter shades of earth are ringing
Through my open views inciting and inviting me
Limitless undying love which shines around me like a million suns, it calls me on and on
Across the universe
Jai guru deva om
Nothing's gonna change my world,
Nothing's gonna change my world.

My Usual Self-Questionnaire.
What's playing? Lacuna Coil's "Angel's Punishment"
How am I feeling? Why? Doing fine, I'm working on a bunch of pictures and linking them but I'm just a little distracted. I was just in a chatroom called "DD's Only" The DD is a reference to bust size. Yeah... I chatted them all up, I'm a guy, so sue me.
Website Reco? I just added my brother's wedding pictures. [Link] Huhuhuhuh, he and his wife are hammered still.... See for yourself.

::: Saturday, December 27, 2003 :::

Illusions [9]

::: posted by Spook at Saturday, December 27, 2003 | |  



Here's an ice sculpture in Germany lit up by a purple shaded light. The red thing on the left is a woman about to take a picture of it.

My Usual Self-Questionnaire.
What's playing? John Lennon's "Across The Universe" covered by Fiona Apple.
How am I feeling? Why? Feeling refresh from my holidays. It looks like it's going to be a good day. Don't ruin it!!
Website Reco? Lee's Useless Super-Hero Generator [Link] Cuz you don't have time to be creative on your own. What did I get? This:
The Brazen Whirl Uobx'fwolo
Power(s): Enhanced senses, Telekinesis, Hypnosis
Source of powers: Extra-terrestrial mutant gadgets
Weapon: Whirl Blunderbuss
Transportation: Uobx'fwolo Submarine

Magic 8 balls!!!

::: posted by Spook at Saturday, December 27, 2003 | |  

Got a question to ask? Go to one of these sites.

Archie McPhee's Sarcastic Ball [Link] Buy one for $7.95 and always get a negative answer, just like asking for advice!

Joe's Magic 9 Ball [Link] That's right... Nine. Joe's afraid of Tyco suing him.

Fortune Balls from Outer Space [Link] Not a real 8 ball, but a fortune ball... go there and click on the fortune ball you feel the strongest spiritual connection to. Here's mine: "You will marry your prison penpal." Bah-HAHAHAHAH-*GASP* Oh no... that means...

The Infinitely Magic Ball [Link] It says "Prepare now, wanderer, to find the answers to your deepest mysteries, revealed in the plainest of English." Blah blah blah... It gives little random pearls of miswisdom. Ouch.

Magic Toddler 3 ball [Link] Turn your volume to about 50% and hear a toddler answer your question, when it's not holding it's breath or looking somewhere else.

Magic H8 Ball [Link] Nice answers.

Magic Infinity-ball [Link] Uh... it's pretty basic. But it's the first one I found that posted the letter from Tyco Toys, Inc. [Link] Harsh!

Okay, that's enough...

POSTSCRIPT: I found a "Magic 40 Ouncer" But the page is in a different language set and so take your chances [Link]. I also found a bunch of 8 balls that didn't work, but all these work as of... Christmas day, 2003.

My Usual Self-Questionnaire.
What's playing? Finger Eleven's "One Thing"
How am I feeling? Why? I'm deep in thought because I'm reading up on paintball game types and all the rules and basically everything about paintball. I found out I have a crappy paintball gun. (or paintball "marker") Oh well, I'll have to learn the fine art of not getting shot first, before I get all serious about it. I'll post a pic of my marker later
Website Reco? Recommendations are above.

::: Friday, December 26, 2003 :::

Some actual product warning labels (and my commentary in brackets):

::: posted by Spook at Friday, December 26, 2003 | |  

On the bottle-top of a (UK) flavoured milk drink - AFTER OPENING, KEEP UPRIGHT. (duh!)

On a New Zealand insect spray - THIS PRODUCT NOT TESTED ON ANIMALS. (How do they know it works?)

In a US guide to setting up a new computer - TO AVOID CONDENSATION FORMING, ALLOW THE BOXES TO WARM UP TO ROOM TEMPERATURE BEFORE OPENING. (Makes sense...except these instructions we're IN THE BOX!)

In some countries (like some reserves i won't mention:), on the bottom of Coke bottles - OPEN OTHER END.

On a Sears hairdryer - DO NOT USE WHILE SLEEPING. (Now THAT I'd like to see!)

On a bag of Fritos - YOU COULD BE A WINNER! NO PURCHASE NECESSARY. DETAILS INSIDE. (The shoplifter special!)

On a bar of Dial soap - DIRECTIONS - USE LIKE REGULAR SOAP. (I'm not sure they know how to use regular soap.)

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert, printed on BOTTOM of the box - DO NOT TURN UPSIDE DOWN. (Oops, too late! You lose!)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding - PRODUCT WILL BE HOT AFTER HEATING. (Are you sure? Let's experiment.)

On a Korean kitchen knife - WARNING KEEP OUT OF CHILDREN. (Dammit! Who are they to tell me what to do with my kids?)

On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights - FOR INDOOR OR OUTDOOR USE ONLY. (As opposed to what... use in outer space?)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts - INSTRUCTIONS - OPEN PACKET, EAT NUTS. (I'm sure glad they cleared that up.)

On a Swedish chainsaw - DO NOT ATTEMPT TO STOP CHAIN WITH YOUR HANDS OR GENITALS. (What kind of consumer phone-call led to this warning?)

On a child's superman costume - WEARING OF THIS GARMENT DOES NOT ENABLE YOU TO FLY. That's right, destroy a universal childhood fantasy! *WAAAH*)

My Usual Self-Questionnaire.
What's playing? Fear Factory's Burn, a remix of Flashpoint
How am I feeling? Why? I've been itching to shoot something (anything!) with my new paintball gun. It's the same kind my buddy shot me with earlier this week. He gave me a gun of my own as a christmas gift and I haven't loaded it up yet.
Website Reco? The Surrealist Compliment Generator [Link] I'm not so sure all of these are compliments... I had reloaded the page a dozen times and some of them were all sorts of indirectly derogatory... I think... I didn't understand some of them cuz I had nine drinks by the time I surfed there.

::: Thursday, December 25, 2003 :::

Merry...

::: posted by Spook at Thursday, December 25, 2003 | |  

CHRISTMAS!!

Illusions [8]

My Usual Self-Questionnaire.
What's playing? Our Lady Peace's Made of Steel
How am I feeling? Why? I'm not sure how to explain it... I know: "AWWW how cute."
Website Reco? Nothing today.

::: Wednesday, December 24, 2003 :::

The night before when?

::: posted by Spook at Wednesday, December 24, 2003 | |  

'Twas the nocturnal segment of the diurnal period
preceding the annual Yuletide celebration, And
throughout our place of residence,

Kinetic activity was not in evidence among the
possessors of this potential, including that
species of domestic rodent known as Mus musculus.

Hosiery was meticulously suspended from the forward
edge of the woodburning caloric apparatus,

Pursuant to our anticipatory pleasure regarding an
imminent visitation from an eccentric
philanthropist among whose folkloric appelations
is the honorific title of St. Nicklaus ...

My Usual Self-Questionnaire.
What's playing? Guns'N'Roses' Don't Cry
How am I feeling? Why? Sad, I have to stay at work and everyone else left already....
Website Reco? Strange Cosmos [Link] Can someone please buy me this candy dispenser? [Link] Thanks.

Excerpts from Stanislaw Lem's "Cyberiad"

::: posted by Spook at Wednesday, December 24, 2003 | |  


I

Come, every frustum longs to be a cone,
And every vector dreams of matrices.
Hark to the gentle gradient of the breeze:
It whispers of a more ergodic zone.

II

Cancel me not -- for what then shall remain?
Abscissas, some mantissas, modules, modes,
A root or two, a torus and a node:
The inverse of my verse, a null domain.

(I could post these excerpts all freakin' day if I had the chance...)

My Usual Self-Questionnaire.
What's playing? Amorphis' Planetary Misfortune
How am I feeling? Why? Defensive, I gotta leave for work in three minutes but I wanna stay home. *WAAAH!!*
Website Reco? Lowbrow.com [Link] Why not? I spend over a half hour a day there. I love it.

Illusions [7]

::: Tuesday, December 23, 2003 :::

More paintball shenanigans

::: posted by Spook at Tuesday, December 23, 2003 | |  

I'm posting from my buddy's living room and he's fixing himself dinner in the kitchen (around the corner, out of my sight) and I hear him shooting at the wall in the upstairs stairwell.

I'm nervous now.

Someone come and protect me, we're on Front Street. I'm the native guy protecting his face while the white guy is maniacally laughing and Pointing a Purple Projectile-shooting Product of Pain-delivery. You can see us through the big window with burgundy blinds.

OW!!!

::: posted by Spook at Tuesday, December 23, 2003 | |  

My best friend bought a paintball gun.

Yeah...

so there's a welt on my ass about the size of a quarter now.

::: Monday, December 22, 2003 :::

Advice for Giving a New Year's Eve Party

::: posted by Spook at Monday, December 22, 2003 | |  

If you throw a New Year's Party, the worst thing that you can do would
be to throw the kind of party where your guests wake up today, and call
you to say they had a nice time. Now you'll be be expected to throw
another party next year.

What you should do is throw the kind of party where your guest wake up
several days from now and call their lawyers to find out if they've
been indicted for anything. You want your guests to be so anxious to
avoid a recurrence of your party that they immediately start planning
parties of their own, a year in advance, just to prevent you from
having another one ...

If your party is successful, the police will knock on your door, unless
your party is very successful in which case they will lob tear gas
through your living room window. As host, your job is to make sure
that they don't arrest anybody. Or if they're dead set on arresting
someone, your job is to make sure it isn't you ...

My Usual Self-Questionnaire.
What's playing? Godsmack's Re-align
How am I feeling? Why? Okay... It's been a tough month but I think it's about over... My eldest brother got married, thus making me think about my own situation... Gruesome. What else? Not much that I really wanna tell, just that you people won't stop e-mailing me to post more stuff. Your wish is my command.
Website Reco? BZ Flag [Link] It's a first-person tank shoot-everything-that-moves game... I host network games sometimes and I get my butt kicked, but damn, is it ever fun!

Illusions [6]

::: Sunday, December 21, 2003 :::

Woops. (Part II)

::: posted by Spook at Sunday, December 21, 2003 | |  

Aaah... lack of time and interest on my part has reduced my website to a cobwebsite.

::: Sunday, December 07, 2003 :::

woops.

::: posted by Spook at Sunday, December 07, 2003 | |  

My computer broke down for a while, then I got really busy for a couple weeks. (even my email piled up something fierce) but now I'm back. Expect lots to be posted soon.

My Usual Self-Questionnaire.
What's playing? The Tea Party's Correspondences
How am I feeling? Why? Mixed feelings. I'm thinking too hard on too many things.
Website Reco? Nothing today.