Dear Fellow Pawns;
He pulls a Molson Canadian out of his case and motions to ask if I want one. "Sure... last one?" "No," he says, there's two left and one of them's mine. So, if you want another, drink that faster than I drink mine.
My response? *glug-glug-glug-glug-glug*
* If it's not nailed down, it's fair game.
* It's beautiful the way it is; why spoil it by making it legal?
* Everybody looks brave holding a machine gun.
* It's not when you get up, but when you get down.
* I must have a prodigious quantity of mind; it takes me as much as a week sometimes to make it up.
* I don't have any solution but I certainly admire the problem.
* Every time I think I know where it's at, they move it.
* To err is human, to forgive is not Company Policy.
* Of course there is no reason for it, it's just my policy.
* Of course it's the murder weapon. Who would frame someone with a fake?
* When in doubt, use brute force.
* Excellent time to become a missing person.
* A nuclear war can ruin your whole day.
* Confidence is the feeling you have before you understand the situation.
* All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
* My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
* Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean that they AREN'T after you.
* Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat.
* Your lucky number is 32345543423225. Watch for it everywhere.
* They told me I was gullible .. and I believed them.
* When you do not know what you are doing, do it neatly.
* Don't tell me any big lies today. Small ones can be just as effective.
* Look out! Behind you!
* Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defense.
* If at first you don't succeed, redefine success.
* Laughter is the closest distance between two people.
* Kiss your keyboard goodbye!
* If you are feeling good, don't worry. You'll get over it.
* Never put off till tomorrow what you can avoid all together.
You are Tank, from "The Matrix." Loyal
till the end, you spare no expense in ensuring
the well-being of others.
What Matrix Persona Are You?
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Well my volleyball team lost again last night. That sucked... After we lost two games to none, she stuck around to play a bit more and that's when my teammates decided to play real good. What that ****!!! Oh well... I hope they do that when tournament games start next week. That should be interesting... losing our first game. Blah.
My Usual Self-Questionnaire.
What's playing? Gandharvas' Downtime
How am I feeling? Why? Doin' fine. Just relaxing
Website Reco? Suicide Note Generator [Link] Don't ask, just go pick your reason, type in your name and pick a post-script then read your ready-to-use suicide note. Here's what I got:
For the last decade, I have lived a lie that I can no longer go on with. I have started each of the last 3,762 days by convincing myself that McDonald's would bring back the Double ZestaBurger--if only for a limited time and at only select locations. It was the only way I could get myself out of bed and through the day. Alas, I can no longer lie to myself about my future. I now accept that it is bleak. I do not control my destiny, nor my happiness.
Like all of you, I am just a pawn in McDonald's global marketing plan. The same company that has returned the McRib 193 limited times in the last 10 years has never given my well-being a second thought.
Well, McDonalds--You win. You have killed the will, spirit, and soul of dave. Now my body will follow. Thankfully, I will be going to a better place. A place where my existence won't rely on decieving myself. A place where my happiness won't be controlled by a multi-national conglomeration of grill cooks in cheap suits. While my body will be buried in the same ground where Ray Kroc's is surely spinning; my soul will be with his in heaven. Not here in purgatory controlled by the whims of MBA's from Hamburger U. Together Ray and I will forever feast on that delicious ambrosia, the Double Zesta Burger.
Sincerely,
dave
P.S. Tell everyone I'm not psychotic.
Amanda (the one on the very right) came over wanting to scan some pictures, but had brought over some other pictures, so I had a look. This was one of them and she didn't want to post it on her own homepage [Link] So I said "how about I post it?" Here it is.
We had been talking on the phone earlier and she told me she had told one of her friends about me... She's in this pic too.
Now I can only think of how creeped out she's gonna be when she sees her picture on my homepage.
Hmm...
Always remember our fallen, our departed. Website Reco? [Link]
Keep your Eye on the Ball,
Your Shoulder to the Wheel,
Your Nose to the Grindstone,
Your Feet on the Ground,
Your Head on your Shoulders.
Now ... try to get something DONE
Bumper Stickers/T-Shirt Slogans [5]
* Sarcasm helps keep you from telling people what you really think of them.
* Wouldn't it be nice if there was an Escape key for all of our problems?
* I know my biology; it's your biology I don't know.
* Life isn't weird; it's the people in it.
* I should have known better; every happy moment in my life came from lying.
* If you can't be weird, why be?
* It isn't homework unless it's due tomorrow.
* Gravity always gets me down.
* I've given up trying to escape from reality; they always find me anyway.
* I'm serious; it was a joke.
* Hairy Kiwi: Death by fruit.
* If we're going to have fun, we've got to be serious about it.
* If I can't fix it, it ain't broken.
* I'm not a psychiatrist; I'm just an expert at being confused.
* Now that I've finally got my act together, I've forgotten what I'm supposed to do with it.
* I cleaned up my act once, but I decided it was more fun when it was dirty.
* This was only a test; if this had been a real emergency, you'd be dead.
* For him to get an idea, it would be a surgical process.
* I'm not a creep; I'm actually a wonderful person hiding inside the body of a creep.
* I'm not crazy; I'm just a sane person trapped in the body of a lunatic.
* Being good at being stupid doesn't count.
* Some have morals, some don't, most simply ignore them.
* You can't be late until you show up.
* It doesn't matter what temperature a room is; it's always room temperature.
* I just love nonverbal communication!
* If we don't know it already, chances are we're not interested in learning it.
* You've gotta' die in creative ways.
* They keep saying the right person will come along; I think mine got hit by a truck.
* Get out of my reality!!
It was a close win by Blade from The Puppetmaster series of horror movies [Link] over Beaker from The Muppet Show. [Link]
What's my third favourite? Ed The Sock. [Link]
I just had the urge to stick a pen into the side of my head. Wow, that's the first it's ever happened. Work must be really getting to me today.
* Don't take life too seriously; it's not permanent.
* If you're gonna go, go obnoxiously.
* I'm only a hypochondriac when I'm feeling sick.
* I don't think I'd be so bored if I didn't have so much to do.
* Never trust a nun with a gun.
* It's an IBM; it's got an excuse.
* Don't compute and drive; the life you save may be your own.
* No matter how bad a situation is, if you can't laugh at it, you are in really deep ****
* Never go into a hug off balance.
* Life's a *****, and then you're reincarnated.
* Cute and interesting are two different things.
* If there were no such thing as bears, what kind of hugs would we give?
* Life without glasses is fuzzy-wonderful.
* It's your right to be stupid, but it doesn't mean you should be.
* Life's a trip and then you run out of Travelers' Checks.
* If life's a trip, then where's my ticket?
* IBM: The stupidity goes in when the name goes on.
* I wouldn't know how to act if I weren't in trouble.
* If you're gonna' panic, panic constructively.
* A kibble is one thousand nibbles.
* Having a good time can be deadly.
* Reality is only fantasy gone stale.
* Be good; if you can't be good, forget it!
* If you can't go first class, charge it.
* Reality is a nice place, but I wouldn't want to live there.
* Be fruit fly and multiple.
I'm Hercules----->
?? Which Of The Greek Gods Are You ??
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My Usual Self-Questionnaire.
What's playing? Chris Cornell's Can't Change Me
How am I feeling? Why? Sickly, I didn't rest well because I've been coughing all night
Website Reco? StrangeCosmos.Com [Link]
I was looking through some old disks I found stuff in a binder at the bottom of a box full of old stuff. I found some old assignments and notes from when I was in college and a zip file containing my old homepage. Wow, this is such a find because it contained my blog, some poetrty & short stories and even an old pic of myself. Omigod, I look like such a baby in that pic. I'm not sure if I should take offense to the line "you haven't changed a bit!" whenever I see someone I haven't seen in years.... Hmm.
I used to be really long winded...
But then, I had lots to say back then because my mind was always going non-stop and only had one setting: fast. Wow, I had a really nice website back then, no wonder why I got a thousand hits nearly every week. I'm enjoying reading my old posts and really wallowing in the complexity of my website. I think I had more fun making it complex as I did posting material.
I'm really laughing at the long weekend when I really got sick and still made it to class for an exam on tuesday morning. I was really bitchy and whiny for a couple days because I couldn't sleep, couldn't concentrate on studying and my girlfriend was out of town visiting her grandparents. And it was valentine's day that weekend! Oh wow, that really sucked, not having her there to make me feel better. Somehow, I had still managed to get an A+ on that test amidst my coughing and choking on my lungs. Come to think of it, I don't like remembering that weekend and it's not very funny at all. Blah.
Awwww....
Okay, I just read the posts where I had broken up with my girlfriend (crushed my heart, spirit and nearly my soul) and that's depressing reading that, but I've moved on. I feel like I'm reading someone else's blog, strange.
Awwww.....
I just read where I had an infatuation about a classmate of mine. I remember it lasted a few weeks and nothing came of it, but the next school year we dated for a couple months. That was sweet, but the initial infatuation was pure torture and she was kinda freaked out by it, as my school-bud Dave (another Dave, not a split personality of mine) told her I had been writing about and drawing her. She confronted me with accusations of stealing her likeness, so I had to show her all my poems and all the little sketches that were strewn throughout my binders and we immediately became friends afterwards.
Hmm, my old website had a nice blog. I wrote on nearly everything, but then I did have a lot to say about stuff. Plus, I had a nice group of intellectual friends with whom I enjoyed many conversations with. I wrote about the ice storm that happened in 1997, how the media covered Bill Clinton and Monica more than the Iraq Crisis (I said they'd strike us somehow and I WAS RIGHT! SEE WHAT HAPPENS! I SHOULD HAVE BUSINESS CARDS THAT SAY "DAVE M. PROPHET"), Keskus Mall closures, how my exams were going and about other cool websites. It was a busy li'l blog. (And all the posts were about this long)
when I press on "post" and my connection dies and I lose my post. It's usually a post I worked hard on too. That sux.
There is so much sand in Northern Africa that if it were spread out it would completely cover the Sahara Desert.
My Usual Self-Questionnaire.
What's playing? Faith No More's Helpless
How am I feeling? Why? No idea what the word is... placid?
Website Reco? Bozo Criminal of the day [Link]
Just like slowing down at a car wreck to look... Except the accident was when these people's parents condom busted.
You keep on getting what you've been getting when you keep on doing what you've been doing. - Anonymous
My Usual Self-Questionnaire.
What's playing? A Perfect Circle's Magdalena
How am I feeling? Why? Hungover... GUESS!
Website Reco? Poot Poot Dot Com [Link] an Internet revolution that pootifys webpages, put in a url and see what it does!
Go placidly amid the noise and waste,
And remember what comfort there may be in owning a piece thereof.
Avoid quiet and passive persons, unless you are in need of sleep.
Rotate your tires.
Speak glowingly of those greater than yourself,
And heed well their advice -- even though they be turkeys.
Know what to kiss -- and when.
Remember that two wrongs never make a right,
But that three do.
Wherever possible, put people on "HOLD".
Be comforted, that in the face of all aridity and disillusionment,
And despite the changing fortunes of time,
There is always a big future in computer maintenance.
You are a fluke of the universe ...
You have no right to be here.
Whether you can hear it or not, the universe
Is laughing behind your back.
Since I hurt my pendulum
My life is all erratic.
My parrot, who was cordial,
Is now transmitting static.
The carpet died, a palm collapsed,
The cat keeps doing poo.
The only thing that keeps me sane
Is talking to my shoe.
1. Key-in the first 3 digit of your phone number into the calculator.
2. Multiply by 80.
3. Add 1.
4. Multiply by 250.
5. Plus last four digit of phone number.
6. Plus last four digit of phone number again.
7. Minus 250.
8. Divide by 2 at last.
Is it your Phone Number?
Yesterday's volleyball game was a bust. We didn't win and we lost the last game by a wide margin. That sucks, we got our butts handed back to us in a basket. But oh well, before and afterwards I was in the weightroom for the first time in a few months and damn.... am I sore.
My Usual Self-Questionnaire.
What's playing? Fear Factory's Zero Signal
How am I feeling? Why? Doing good... I'm kinda proud of myself for renewing my gym membership last night.
Website Reco? Lowbrow.Com [Link] I will never get tired of this site. Muh-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!!!
For a couple years I've been blaming it on lack of sleep, not enough sunshine, and too much pressure from my job, earwax build-up, poor blood or anything else I could think of. But now I found out the real reason: I'm tired because I'm overworked!
Here's why:
The population of this country is 30 million. 11 million are retired. That leaves 19 million to do the work.
There are 5.5 million in school, which leaves 13.5 million to do the work.
Of this there are 3 million employed by the federal government, leaving 10.5 million to do the work!
1 million are in the armed forces preoccupied with killing the Taliban. This leaves 9.5 million to do the work.
Take from the total the 7 million people who work for Provincial and city governments. And that leaves 2.5 million to do the work.
At any given time there are 476,000 people in hospitals, leaving 2,024,000 to do the work.
Now, there are 1,211,998 people in prisons and 812,000 on Employment Insurance and Welfare. That leaves just two people to do the work.
You and me.
And there you are sitting on your ass, at your computer, reading jokes. Nice, real nice...
My Usual Self-Questionnaire.
What's playing? Rammstein's "Spieluhr"
How am I feeling? Why? I'm getting pumped, cuz of the music.
Website Reco? Bravewords.com [Link] The website of the magazine "Brave Words & Bloody Knuckles" One of the best metal magazine publications out there. Kiss their ass, Circus!
[Link] from antijunkieinfatuation@yahoo.com
Went to this party this weekend...
Woke up the next day... I was like, "damn, I feel great!" I jumped out of bed and that's when the floor hit me in the face...
"Dammit, I'm still drunk."
(Dave: This has happened to me a few times in my life...)
::: posted by Spook at Sunday, November 02, 2003 | |
I found this at Plaster City - EARS [Link] Posted on Thursday, October 30, 2003 sometime during the day.
"Slip through the Cracks"
The phrase will forever be burned in my memory. It actually fits for a lot things. Our powerful country will allow other smaller countries to slip through the cracks. It takes a very strong person to be powerful and to do the right thing. Most people will keep feeding the machine for their own personal gain at the expense of others. It's human nature. Where's Dag Hammarskjold when we need him. What is great about our country is not our money or our power, it's our Constitution. We take it for granted everyday. We confuse superficial happiness to real freedom. I remember being in Cuba for a film festival. The people I met in the streets had nothing, yet they were happy to be alive. (They'd be happier if they could own their own homes and businesses though). When I came back to L.A., the people who have everything were bitching about everything. They weren't very happy. I believe our Constitution is the most beautiful, simple, common sense creation humanity has ever produced. We abuse it. Our country has the capability of leading our distressed world into a new global renaissance. We have to stop being greedy. There's room for everybody. We're all part of the same human spirit, nobody has more worth than another.
New global renaissance? I like this idea, even if I'm not an american.
Drunken Dialing
DAILY BLEED
Strong Bad E-Mail #121
Links for Tuesday
And now to my idea
Joke
Lowbrow Moment (another)
Lowbrow Moment
Banished Words List: 2005
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Comments? Questions? Suggestions? Something to submit? Just wanna say hello? Post it here.
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## Blogs ##
Anishaboy
Sweet Complexity
From the perspective of a PAGAK! in a tree
The Journal of Spring.
Reality Distorted
+ Catch A Falling Star +
petroscription :// artifact 4000
scott's Page of picto-graphic impressions
Adventures of Snapmouse
..:SH@PESHIF+ER:..
Jones fortune cookie sez...
STL04
::my trip to felicity::
## Websites ##
APTN
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Wind Speaker
Say Magazine
Nativeagle
Indian Country
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Ojibway Culture and History
Native Online
4thw0rld
RezFox Dating
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I'm #24.
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