Now, I wanna be sick from all the coffee and water I've been drinking and also lunch. I've been drinking coffee all morning and to offset the dehydration I've also been drinking lots of water. *BLEH* Hmm... I'm awake, it's time to slow down...

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I was out until 4:40 a.m. this morning, (Being a bad boy, you ask? No, not really...) so I sat awake until 5:05am wondering if I should just stay up all night... Nah, I quickly jumped in bed and stared at the ceiling for a good half hour from my coffee buzz until I finally fell asleep.

I read somewhere that if you sleep for at least 90 minutes you can fool your body that you've slept for about 6 hours.

I need at least 7 and now I'll be tired all day.

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Santa Claus wears a Red Suit,
He must be a communist.
And a beard and long hair,
Must be a pacifist.

What's in that pipe that he's smoking?

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Idiot Box, n.: The part of the envelope that tells a person where to place the stamp when they can't quite figure it out for themselves.

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To those accustomed to the precise, structured methods of conventional system development, exploratory development techniques may seem messy, inelegant, and unsatisfying. But it's a question of congruence: precision and flexibility may be just as disfunctional in novel, uncertain situations as sloppiness and vacillation are in familiar, well-defined ones. Those who admire the massive, rigid bone structures of dinosaurs should remember that jellyfish still enjoy their very secure ecological niche.

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* Life's biggest question is whether or not you're happy not with others, but with yourself.
* Love isn't love until you give it away.
* Don't take me literally.
* Nothing is ever 100%
* I'd love to go out with you, but I have to stay home and see if I snore.
* I'd love to go out with you, but it's my parakeet's bowling night.
* I'd love to go out with you, but I'm having all my plants neutered.
* If you think this week was a drag, wait till you see what happens next week!
* If you knew what you were doing, you'd be bored.
* It's not just reality that matters.
* Pets aren't dangerous; just don't let them carry guns.
* The unexamined life is not worth living.
* You can't dream too much; you can't do enough to make your dreams come true.
* Where does it go? It doesn't matter. Flush it.
* The world is coming to an end. Please log off.
* Experience varies directly with equipment ruined.
* Avoid reality at all costs.
* Take everything in stride. Trample anyone who gets in your way.
* Do not believe in miracles - rely on them.
* It looks like blind screaming hedonism won out.
* Save the whales, collect the whole set.
* If everything is coming your way, then you're in the wrong lane.
* 90% of everything is crud.
* LSD melts in your mind, not in your hands.
* Earn cash in your spare time, blackmail your friends.
* Oh well, I guess this is just going to be one of those lifetimes.
* Don't believe everything you hear or anything you say.
* Death is life's way of telling you you're fired.
* If all else fails, throw up.
* Do we know that life has a cause?
* No one is perfect, but some of us are closer than others.
* Live fast, die young, and leave a good looking corpse behind.
* Fun is just point of view.
* If you understand something today, it must be obsolete.
* If ours is a man made world, why can't we remake it?
* My rules apply only to other people, not myself.
* In God we trust; all others must pay cash.
* It's only hopeless if you walk away.
* Keep that sense of humor; it's critical.
* Imagination is the foundation of reality.
* Life is a glitch in the universal program; death is just the programmer's way of debugging.
* The real trick to carrying on is not getting carried away.
* Life's a tough job, and the hours are a bitch.
* Everything is possible; just not too probable.
* Since when is talking a sign of thinking?
* Looking to God for answers is premature.
* I like quality, not quantity.
* Why should I grow up? This is more fun!
* I have crossed and recrossed the line between sanity and madness so many times that I have all but rubbed it out.

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Coming back into my office from getting a fresh cup of hot chocolate, I happened to notice how bright the Wawatay roof looks with snow on top of it. It had been snowing on and off all morning long and it was clear at that moment. The rolling clouds are dark and there's a light spot directly overhead, making the roof look like it's glowing bright with a blue tint. It looks so surreal because all the movement was out of my view. With the human element missing my view at that moment looked like a painting.

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I deleted my photo blog. It was dead anyway... I didn't post sheet to it. I've been moving all that old stuff over here and will continue to do so.

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From the Sunday, April 14, 1994 edition of the "Washington Post". A contest was held in which readers were asked to come up with excuses to miss a day of work:

If it is all the same to you, I won't be coming in to work. The voices told me to clean all the guns today.

When I got up this morning, I took two Ex-Lax in addition to my Prozac. I can't get off the john, but I feel good about it.

I set half the clocks in my house ahead an hour and the other half back an hour Saturday and spent 18 hours in some kind of space-time continuum loop, reliving Sunday (right up until the explosion). I was able to exit the loop only by
reversing the polarity of the power source exactly e*log(pi) clocks in the house while simultaneously rapping my dog on the snout with a rolled up Times. Accordingly, I will be in late, or early.

My stigmata's acting up.

I can't come in to work today because I'll be stalking my previous boss, who fired me for not showing up for work. Okay?

I have a rare case of 48-hour projectile leprosy, but I know we have that deadline to meet...

I am stuck in the blood pressure machine down at the Food Giant.

Yes, I seem to have contracted some attention-deficit disorder and, hey, how about them Skins, huh? So, I won't be able to, yes, could I help you? No, no, I'll be sticking with Sprint, but thank you for calling.

Constipation has made me a walking time bomb.

I just found out that I was switched at birth. Legally, I shouldn't come to work knowing my employee records may now contain false information.

The psychiatrist said it was an excellent session. He even gave me this jaw restraint so I won't bite things when I am startled.

The dog ate my car keys. We're going to hitchhike to the vet.

I prefer to remain an enigma.

My mother-in-law has come back as one of the Undead and we must track her to her coffin to drive a stake through her heart and give her eternal peace. One day should do it.

I can't come to work today because the EPA has determined that my house is completely surrounded by wetlands and I have to arrange for helicopter transportation.

I am converting my calendar from Julian to Gregorian.

I am extremely sensitive to a rise in the interest rates.

My wife makes more money than I do, so I have to stay at home with our sick son.

I refuse to travel to my job in the District until there is a commuter tax. I insist on paying my fair share.

I'm feeling a little disgruntled this morning. You think I should come in?

I can't come in because the deadline is Monday and so far I only have seven different fun things to do with a barrel of snot.

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* Don't drink and drive - you might hit a bump and spill it.
* Don't drink and park - accidents cause people.
* Keep America beautiful, swallow your beer cans.
* If money can't buy happiness, I guess you'll just have to rent it.
* Drive defensively, buy a tank.
* I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not too sure.
* Famous last words: Don't unplug it, it will just take a moment to fix.
* Famous last words: What happens if you touch these two wires tog--
* Famous last words: Don't worry, it's not loaded.
* Everything I need to know I got from watching Gilligan's Island.
* It doesn't matter how hard you've studied; the material won't be on the exam anyway.
* Sticks and stones may break my bones, but whips and chains excite me.
* If it doesn't fit, force it; if it breaks, it needed replacement anyway.
* Reality is a figment of your imagination.
* Life is just one of those things.
* Don't use force; use a bigger hammer.
* Make WAR, not SEX, it's safer!
* You know it's going to be a bad day when you jump out of bed and miss the floor.
* I can handle pain until it hurts.
* It's not what you say in your argument, it's how loud you say it.
* Live teddy bears are best.
* Nothing is illegal until you get caught.
* The ultimate reason is "because."
* I'm objective; I object to everything.
* You cannot achieve the impossible without attempting the absurd.
* Kiss me twice. I'm schizophrenic.
* You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without hanging on.
* Abandon the search for Truth; settle for a good fantasy.
* If you cannot convince them, confuse them.
* A day for firm decisions!!! Or is it??
* If you can't learn to do it well, learn to enjoy doing it badly.
* I have always been crazy, but it kept me from going insane.
* Never give a sucker an even break; take everything you can from him.
* Millions of years ago, man climbed out of the slime. You want to join the party?
* Laws are like bones; they're made to be broken.
* It's only a game until you lose.
* If God had intended man to watch TV, he would have given him rabbit ears.
* Gravity is a myth, the Earth sucks.
* Fine day to work off excess energy, steal something heavy.
* If you didn't get caught, did you really do it?
* Everything is unimportant in some way.
* Life is a terminal disease.
* Your lucky color has faded.
* Overdrawn? But I still have checks left!
* Yeah, there's a lot of stress here, but I'm not straining.
* How 'bout coming up to my place for a spot of heavy breathing?
* The world's so terrible that one can only make fun of it.
* No matter where you go; you're there.

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1. The forest fire at Okanagan Lake on Aug 22. [Link] I like the way that woman's sillouette pierces the monotony of the lake ripples.
2. Jaws [Link] Has he grown a little bit?
3. God's work? [Link] This is cool, but I'm still not so sure this is authentic.
4. Rio de Janero in the shadows during sunset. [Link] Artists should create such splendor at odd times.
5. Kudos to StrangeCosmos.Com for the pix: [Link] I'll have more later!

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A LONG LONG LONG TIME AGO... ON A CHAT SERVER FAR FAR FAR AWAY....

An online friend, crash, and I, Echelon, began discussing tattoos. (I have none.) She had been having trouble deciding about what to get for herself. Should she get something simple or should she get a really nice and complex tat, one that requires several visits to complete? She asked my advice, but all I could offer was "I dunno... get what you'll like 40 years from now." Eventually she made a choice and showed me a pic she wanted adapted and put onto her back.

It's one of Luis Royo's pieces, part of his III Millenium collection. He painted it in 1997 and is titled "Liberty III Millenium" [Link to pic] It's about 205kb and originally 12" by 17.5" I like it a lot and have read up on it a bit. I found the following caption on a page of a magazine whose title I cannot dechiper:

"Seventeen million tons of rusty dreams at the edge of the Atlantic. August 17, 2017. I have never touched other lips, but mine have gone over these rusty pieces of iron centimetre by centimetre, absorbing 17 million tons of dreams that the idiots of the late 20th century left hanging at the foot of this monument which no longer has a name."

Okay, enough art critic-talk. Guy-talk: Love the rack and blowjob lipstick. Now sensitive-talk: I love how her eye's pierce into mine and the white streak of hair. Royo was a genius.

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(now I gotta find one with North America in the eye and not Europe)



Website Reco.
Steve's Digicams Digital Photo of the Day [Link]

Self Portrait?
Should I? Leave a message on my tag board.

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in my cell enduring every bad day...
in my eyes, im on my back
to the warden, im here to stay,
oh my mind, i lose track...

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And, I'm broke :(

I was looking through some old burned cd's, mostly backups of junk folders and found some old funny stuff. I already posted those Steven Wright quotes and I'll be periodically posting more of that junk onto here. Whenever I stop procrastinating my poor excuse for a life....

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When any principle, law, tenet, probability, happening, circumstance, or result can in no way be directly, indirectly, empirically, or circuitously proven, derived, implied,inferred, induced, deducted, estimated, or scientifically guessed, it will always for the purpose of convenience, expediency, political advantage, material gain, or personal comfort, or any combination of the above, or none of the above, be unilaterally and unequivocally assumed, proclaimed, and adhered to as absolute truth to be undeniably, universally, immutably, and infinitely so, until such time as it becomes advantageous to assume otherwise, maybe.

(Hehehe, I like this.)

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Monday at work sucked. Coworker called in sick, I was swamped and somehow I still managed to get a little more than half the people satisfied and get the ball rolling.

Here was my to-do list yesterday, as I had prioritized everything at approximately 10:30am:

Pull off miracle today.
Get everything done before NOON.

Yeah, right...

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I got a postcard from my friend George with a picture of the entire earth. On the back he wrote, "Wish you were here!"

Went to court for a parking ticket. I pleaded insanity.

Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was the suspect.

When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction.

I was arrested for scalping low numbers at the Deli. Sold 'em a 3 for 28 bucks.

Once I was arrested for walking in someone else's sleep.

I like to bring a flash light to the movies and just have all the rows move down for no reason.

I used to be a narrator for bad mimes.

Went to the hardware store and bought some used paint. It was in the shape of a house.

I also bought some batteries, but they weren't included. So I had to buy them again. What do batteries run on?

Why is the alphabet in that order?

Why is it a penny for your thought, but you have to put your 2 cents in? Somebody's makin' a penny.

I like to tease my plants when I water them. I like to water them with ice cubes.

I talk to myself a lot, and it bothers people because I use a megaphone.

Every once in a while I like to stick my head out the window and smile for a satellite picture.

For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier. I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.

I went to a museum that had all the heads and arms from the statues in all the other museums.

Had trouble goin' home because I parked in a tow-away zone and when I came back the whole entire area was gone.

Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.

I used to work for a factory that made fire hydrants, but you couldn't park anywhere near the place.

I used to be a proofreader for a sky writing company.

Years ago, I used to work in an organic health food store in Seattle, Washington and a man walked in and asked "If I melt dry ice, can I swim without getting wet?"

I told my girlfriend when I was going to die, because my birth certificate had an expiration date on it.

Sometimes you can't hear me, because sometimes I am in parenthesis.

I bought some powdered water, but I don't know what to add.

I'm planning a trip to Spain so I bought an album that teaches you the language. You put the album on, you put the headphones on, you learn the language while you're sleeping. During the night the record skipped. I got up the next day, now I can only stutter in Spanish.

I lost a button hole.

I stayed up one night playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.

I have a telescope on the peep hole of my door so I can see who is at the door for 200 miles.

I have an answering machine for my phone. Now when I'm not home and someone calls me up they hear a recording of a busy signal.

I like to leave messages before the beep.

I have a map of the U.S. that's actual size. It says 1 mile = 1 mile.

I walked up to this girl in a bar and asked "Do you live around here often?"

You know when your sitting in a chair and you lean back so you're on just 2 legs and you almost fall over and at the last second you catch yourself? I feel like that all the time.

I broke a mirror in my house and I am supposed to get 7 years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me 5.

I finally went to the eye doctor and got contacts, but I only need them when I read so I got flipups.

I have the oldest typewriter in the world. It types in pencil.

I got up the other day and everything in my apartment was stolen and replaced with an exact replica.

I live in a house that is on the median strip of the highway. The only thing I don't like about it is I have to leave my driveway doing 60mph.

One night a jet flew a little too close to my house. I was walking from the living room to the kitchen and the stewardess told me to sit down.

I found an old swimming suit that I had made out of sponges. I remember one time I wore it in a pool, then I left and no one could go swimming until I came back.

In my bedroom instead of a night light, I have a search night light. It goes back & forth across the room. If I have to get up & go to the bathroom in the middle of the night I have to time it just right so I don't get caught.

I was walking my dog around the building...on the ledge.

I had a 3-year old puppy and I named him "Stay". He was really confused, I used to say, "Come here, Stay", "Come here, Stay".

One morning my girlfriend asked me if I slept well and I replied "No, I made a few mistakes."

When I was little, in my backyard we had a quicksand box. I was an only child...eventually.

One time the police stopped for speeding and said "Don't you know the speed limit is only 55 miles an hour?" I said, "I know, but I wasn't going to be out that long."

I think they should put the wrapper of a straw on the inside because that is the part you don't want to get dirty.

I like to skate on the other side of the ice.

I like to fill my tub up with water, turn the shower on and pretend like I am in a submarine that has been hit.

I hate when my foot falls asleep during the day, because that means it will be up all night.

When I get real, real bored I like to go downtown and get a good parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask me if I'm leaving.

I am having amnesia and deja vu at the same time.

When I was a baby I kept a diary. Recently I was reading, it said:
Day 1: Still tired from the move.
Day 2: Everybody talks to me like I am some kind of idiot.

Last time I went skiing I had to get up at 5:00 in the morning. I knew I couldn't do that so I slept with my skis on. When my ride came for me at 5:30 he couldn't wake me up so he carried me out of the house and strapped my skis to the roof of the car and drove right to the mountain. Seventeen (17) miles later I woke up and had a bizarre dream I was ski diving horizontally.

I spilled spot remover on my dog, now he's gone.

This morning I couldn't find my socks, so I called information.

I'm tired of calling up the movies and getting the message on what's playing so I bought the album.

Last time I was at the movies, I was thrown out for bringing my own food. My argument was the concession stand prices were outrageous. Besides I hadn't had a BBQ in a long time.

I went to the cienama. Adults for $5 and children $2.50. I said, "All right give me 2 boys and a girl."

One time I went to a drive-in, in a cab. The movie cost me $95.

I went to a place to eat that said "Breakfast Anytime". So I ordered french toast during the Rennaisance.

I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark.

I've been doing some extremely abstract paintings. No paint, no canvas. I just think about it.

I went to a museum where all the paintings were done by children. All the paintings were up on refrigerators.

The ice-cream truck in my neighborhood plays Helter Skelter.

I called a wrong phone number today. I asked, "Is Joey there?" The woman says "Yes." I said, "May I speak to him please?" She said, "No, he can't right now, he is only 2 months old. I said, "All right, I'll wait."

If you were in your vehicle traveling the speed of light and you turn your headlights on, what would they do?

For a while I didn't have a car, so I drove a helicopter. I didn't have anywhere to park it so I tied a rope to it, and left it running.

There's a pizza place near where I live that only sells slices. You go by there and you see the guy throwing up little triangles.

I'm writing a book. I have all the page numbers down, now I just have to fill in the rest.

I wrote a song, but I don't know how to read music, so I don't know what it is.

When I hear a baby, I always write down the noises he makes, so later I can ask him what he meant.

First time I ever read the dictionary, I thought it was a poem about everything.

A while ago I had no electricity in my house. I had no lights, I couldn't see what I was doing. Good thing my camera had a flash.

I put tape on the mirrors in my house, so that I won't accidently walk through another dimension.

I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and I almost went back in time.

I put a new engine in my car, but I didn't take the other one out. Now I can go 500 mph.

I took my headlights out and put strobe lights in. Now when I drive at night it looks like I am the only one that is moving.

I like my dental hygnetist. I think she is very pretty. So when I go to have my teeth cleaned, while I'm in the waiting room, I eat an entire box of Oreo cookies.

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

I have a large sea shell collection which I keep scattered on the beaches all over the world.

I have 2 rare photographs. One is Houdini locking his keys in his car. The other is Norman Rockwell beating up a child.

I was in a book store and saw a french looking girl. She was bi-illterate. She couldn't read in 2 languages.

I have a microwave fireplace. I can lay in front of the fire for the evening in 8 minutes.

I like the Stones. I can't beleive they're still doing it afer all the years...Fred & Barney.

I drove cross-country with a friend and we split the driving. We switched every half mile.

I just received my degree in Calcium Anthropology, the study of milkmen.

Some people think my friend George is weird because he has sideburns behind his ears. I think he is weird because he has false teeth, but he has braces on them.

Last time I went camping I accidently borrowed a circus tent.

My friend George is a radio announcer and when he walks under a bridge you can't hear him talk.

My watch is 3 hours fast and I can't fix it. So I have to move to Boston

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