As Twisted By Dave

Wednesday, September 10, 2003

"Two mean pet jokes."

{ posted at 9/10/2003 10:33:00 AM by Spook | }

How do you make a cat go "Woof!" ???
Douse it in gasoline and toss it in a fire.

What do you call a dog with no legs?
It doesn't matter what you call it, it ain't coming.

Tuesday, September 09, 2003

"Advice from Dave Barry."

{ posted at 9/9/2003 03:30:04 PM by Spook | }

If you throw a New Year's Party, the worst thing that you can do would be to throw the kind of party where your guests wake up the next day, and call you to say they had a nice time. Now you'll be be expected to throw another party the next year.

What you should do is throw the kind of party where your guest wake up several days after the party day and call their lawyers to find out if they've been indicted for anything. You want your guests to be so anxious to avoid a recurrence of your party that they immediately start planning parties of their own, nearly an entire year in advance, just to prevent you from having another one ...

If your party is successful, the police will knock on your door, unless your party is very successful in which case they will lob tear gas through your living room window. As host, your job is to make sure that they don't arrest anybody. Or if they're dead set on arresting someone, your job is to make sure it isn't you...

Monday, September 08, 2003

"Poems"

{ posted at 9/8/2003 07:48:11 PM by Spook | }

I was asked on chat to go looking for a nice poem recentyl Found some nice sites. I started with the usual suspects (dot-coms) them went adventurous, looking for the hidden gems (on people's homepages) in hidden parts of the web. I won't post the urls to the poems I really liked, but here's some places I ended up:
Poems for the people - poems by the people [Link] I especially liked the Friendship Poems [Link] and the Poems on Life [Link]
Find Poetry.com [Link] I didn't spend much time here, but they have a lot of famous and modern poets. I didn't read much there, but I did spend a lot of time in their Epic section [Link] Because the one that interested me was so long.
Now this post wouldn't be complete without my favourite poetry website: Poems.com [Link] and their Daily Poem page [Link] Now, of course, there's also Poetry.com [Link] and they have their daily poem on the main page, but what they have that Poems.com doesn't have, is a section called 100 greatest poems ever written [Link] I haven't been there yet, but I have it bookmarked for later.

My Usual Self-Questionnaire.
What's playing? NonPoint's Endure
How am I feeling? Why? Solemn, because I just did a post with nine (count them) links... with a tenth below.
Website Reco? Akashi [Link] A poet blogger wish some diverse and odd tastes. His blog contains stories and a side-bar full of odd links and verse. A good read.

"Nutty Club"

{ posted at 9/8/2003 09:05:28 AM by Spook | }

You've seen those bags of peanuts or assorted nuts one time or another. Anyway, I've been buying bags "Jogger's Mix" recently as part of my efforts to eat healthier and get more protein and fibre. Jogger's mix has (and this list is on the front of the bag beside the title): "Raw nuts, raisins & coconut" Not to mention the bag is clear and I can see the nuts and stuff.

Now what really made me laugh was a label on the back of the bag. Upon closer inspection this label appears to have been added after the bag was printed and filled with Jogger's mix. The labels reads as follows: MAY CONTAIN TRACES OF PEANUTS AND OTHER NUTS.

Yeah, no kidding...